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Kylee_marie · 12-22-2005, 03:43 PM

When I was in High school I had a boyfriend for two years, after we graduated I broke things off..kind of. I went away to school and dated other people and he did the same. But everytime I would come home for christmas or summer break we would always end up hanging out and eventually hooking up. Then about 2 years ago I met and fell in love with the man that is now my husband. When we got married, I completely cut off all ties with my ex.

I've been married for almost a year now. My husband is the most wonderful man i have ever met. We dated for about a year before we got married and everything has always been wonderful between us.

Recently my husband and I went out with a group of our friends and their significant others. You can imagine my suprise when I looked across the restaurant and saw a guy that looked like he could be my ex boyfriends twin. I couldn't stop staring. I was in shock. All the feelings I had for him (my ex) came back full force. I still think about him all the time. I know this isn't fair to my husband. I love him so much. Why can't I just let go? what should I do?

Lalalane · 12-23-2005, 09:00 AM

It sounds like you never had complete closure in the relationship with your boyfriend. Sometimes those kind of feelings happen, but like you said it is just a feeling. Feelings come and go. Don't do anything to jeopardize your relationship with your husband. The other feelings eventually will pass. Focus on your future and what kind of relationship you have with your husband. Also pray about it and ask God to take away any feelings for anyone else than your husband. Remember it is just a feeling...........feelings come.....and feelings can go.... Don't dwell on it..

Soulcatcher · 12-23-2005, 09:07 AM

I think even if you did have closure you could always think of him. I agree with lalalane. I still think about ex's from time to time and hope they are well. Sometimes just the thought of being with someone the rest of our lives is scary. There is lots of uncertainty that lies ahead. Your ex was a part of your past so were many other people friends, co-workers, strangers. Hold them dear because if it were not for them you would not be the person you are today. It's ok to think about ex's and yes even fantasize if you'd like. You can keep things secret in your own mind ya know. We are human. Your husband is your priority right now and hopefully will be for the rest of your life, what your feeling is totally natural. Don't get down on yourself. Wish your ex well in your head and move along. Merry Christmas.
ps I called my ex a year ago out of the blue and I'm married (kinda-seperated) and my ex was happily surprised to hear from me and I wished him well and was happy to hear he has a child with his girlfriend. Sometimes just saying hi is ok too as long as you have no other intentions.

muzicman66 · 12-23-2005, 08:03 PM

It"s a common action. I have a few woman, who still want to have some final conversation with me. I"ve been married since Sept. I have no desire to even see them. As for me, I had closure ( I hate that word. It"s for saying goodbye to the dead), like you had, when one took that walk down the aisle.

neflin · 12-23-2005, 08:37 PM

He was probably your first true love. I think some things like that are normal. As long as you just think about him and fantazize and come back home to your husband afterwards. You are keeping those thoughts as you are enjoying them. I think they will eventually disappear with time but give it some time to go away. Just remember to never act on it even if you have the opportunity. It would never be the same anyway. The grass is always greener on the other side........

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