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Old 12-22-2005, 08:18 PM   #1
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limille2 HB User
Husband is secretive

Recently I found out that my husband has been taping us having sex, but never told me he was taping us. I'm hurt, and confused. I don't know how to confront him with it. Do I have a right to be upset?? What should I do?

 
Old 12-23-2005, 08:46 AM   #2
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Lalalane HB User
Re: Husband is secretive

Why would you not have a right to confront him? your on the tape as well. Confront him! In marriage you need to have an open relationship to discuss what is on each others mind.

 
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Old 12-23-2005, 08:59 AM   #3
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Re: Husband is secretive

I think that is so out of line and way uncool! It's YOUR body. Who does he think he is to take that from you? Yes you have been violated by your own husband and you have EVERY right to confront him. Depending on how pi$$ed off you are about it I would tell him "and your lucky I don't press charges on you" It's just the principal of taking your trust and him being very decietful. I would hope you get the tape and destroy it so it doesn't come back to haunt you and got forbid he sold it to anyone as an amatuer tape. Stranger things have happen. I am so sorry this happend to you. You have all the right in the world to say what does and doesn't happen with your body. Good luck sweetie.

 
Old 12-23-2005, 01:16 PM   #4
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Re: Husband is secretive

Thank you Soulcatcher, for your encouragement. I am by nature not a confrontational person, but I'm going to have to learn how to be. It kills me that the one person I should truely be able to trust has turned out to be someone I cannot trust. You know how you have that inner voice, or 6th sense....after I found the tape one of my first fears was just that, that question of whether he's shown anyone else this tape. I not only found the vcr tape - that was the first thing I found, but recently I found the video camera tape which showed several different times on it. I'm gong to confront him and destroy them. Where does that leave us?? Without trust, what do you really have. We've been together 21 years...he is turning out to be someone I really don't know, and maybe someone I really don't want to know after all.

 
Old 12-23-2005, 02:18 PM   #5
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Hiya HB User
Re: Husband is secretive

Quote:
Originally Posted by limille2
Thank you Soulcatcher, for your encouragement. I am by nature not a confrontational person, but I'm going to have to learn how to be. It kills me that the one person I should truely be able to trust has turned out to be someone I cannot trust. You know how you have that inner voice, or 6th sense....after I found the tape one of my first fears was just that, that question of whether he's shown anyone else this tape. I not only found the vcr tape - that was the first thing I found, but recently I found the video camera tape which showed several different times on it. I'm gong to confront him and destroy them. Where does that leave us?? Without trust, what do you really have. We've been together 21 years...he is turning out to be someone I really don't know, and maybe someone I really don't want to know after all.
Well, you want to take it one step at a time. I would be inclined to hold out the tapes and, keeping as calm and emotionless as possible, tell him it was a gross invasion of my privacy and I had the right to know I was being taped, and this is not something I want on videotape, and then destroy them, stomp on them in front of him, then ask him point blank if there are others and if he ever showed or distributed them, and then ask him "ok, how can I believe you?" See what his reaction is. Trust is essential to any relationship, and he has indeed broken yours. You just have to see how willing he will be to work to get it back.

 
Old 12-23-2005, 02:41 PM   #6
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limille2 HB User
Re: Husband is secretive

Thank you Hiya. I will take your advice. I wonder if I only mention the one tape I found, and ask him is there are more....if he says no, then I'll know how honest he's being. I'll keep you posted. Thanks again.

 
Old 12-24-2005, 07:19 PM   #7
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Re: Husband is secretive

How honest? You already KNOW his honesty. Do you reallly think he's going to tell you more? Maybe it's me but someone will only make me look like a fool one time.

 
Old 12-26-2005, 02:57 PM   #8
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difference between understanding and nuts

hi limille,
i really feel for you-you are totally in the right and this is absolutely not your fault. But I must say that i CANNOT BELIEVE you are questioning whether you have the right to confront him. You seriously need to learn how to assert yourself-this guy has completely invaded your privacy in the sickest way possible and you are still ***** footing round him, wondering whether you have the right to confront him-well, YOU DO!!! And whats more, it's your obligation to do it. If you let him get away with something so twisted, how do you expect him to ever respect you.
I know it's not nice to cause arguements and it's stressful and upsetting, but in extreme circumstances you have to-otherwise this man,(as men often have a tendancy to do) will just push the boundaries so far that he ends up walking all over you for the rest of your married life.
He has done something unbelievably underhand and sneaky, and who knows who has seen these tapes-you need to destroy them NOW!!! Don't be scared of his reaction-he should be scared of your reaction.
You need to respect yourself more and stop putting this guy first-you are the person you are sure that you will be spending your life with, not him- so treat yourself with the respect you deserve.
I really hope you sort this out- noone should have to put up with this sort of thing from the person they should be able to trust the most

Last edited by floating-gal; 12-26-2005 at 02:58 PM.

 
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