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Old 12-23-2005, 02:55 AM   #1
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richie_d HB User
My head is going to explode!!!!!

Hi everyone. If you got time to read this then I would appreciate it.

I met this girl on the internet. We got on like a house on fire. It was amazing. After a while we swapped mobile numbers and we started texting each other. Then we started talking on the phone and for the past month and a half we have spoken every night for about an hour on the phone and text each other all the time. We both have camera phones so weíve been sending pictures too.

Basically, she has fallen for me and I have for her, both of us in a big way.

And now hereís where it gets messyÖ..

She called me up crying one night and she had something to tell me. She had been lying about her age. She said she was 17 and really she is 15. (She acts mature and looks mature. By looking at her you would have no reason to believe she wasnít 17)

At the time I didnít know whether to laugh or cry. I was gutted. She felt really bad for lying but though she wouldnít have a chance if sheíd told me she was 15 from the beginning. She was seriously upset. (Iím 21 by the way)

We tried to say goodbye because at the time I seemed the best thing to doÖ..but neither of us could. We were both completely gutted. It was too hard to cut each other off and I we couldnít just stop the way we felt for each other.

Since then we decided to keep texting and we have grown even closer and we get on sooooo well. We speak all the time.

Weíve sent each other Xmas pressies and everything. (We both live in the UK but 120 miles apart)

You might think this is complicated by its just about to get a whole lot worse!!!.......

Iím due to go and see her after Xmas for the day and night. We have obviously talked about sex and stuff like that and she has had sex before, loads of times. In fact she is a lot more experienced than me in that department because Iím still a virgin! (She doesnít know this)

She wants me and her to have sex and has told me this.

I have never had full sex before because I wanted it to be with someone I wanted to. (like this girl) Of course Iíve done most other things but never ďall the wayĒ.

Now that this girl has come along I really donít know what to do. (Just for the record her mum and dad both know she is sexually active. And her ex boyfriend was 18, when she was 14)

I really do like this girl. But the fact my first time would be with someone I knew was underage is playing with my mind and I donít know what to do.

Iíve told her how I feel and she doesnít see a problem. ďIf we both want it to happen then just let it happenĒ is what she keeps telling me. Age is means nothing. Its so stupid because if she 20 and I was 26 this would matter in the slightest!!

Please help me because I donít know what to do. What do you think? Am I playing with fire or should I follow my hearts feeling. You can���t help who you fall for.

Iím just worried how her mum and dad would react and also I canít help thinking that people will think Iím weird for being with someone younger than me. All the other girls ive been out with have been around my age, or within a year.


I have told my friends about her but they donít know any of the stuff about her age so Iím turning to you guys.


Thank-you so much.

 
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Old 12-23-2005, 04:11 AM   #2
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: My head is going to explode!!!!!

Richie, I'd check immediately with the laws there in the UK about this.

Here in my corner of the world, you would go to jail for what you're doing. I've witnessed many, many young men go to jail for this. I work for the court system. I just did a case last month about this exact thing, a 15 year old girl and a 21 year old guy met on the Internet, she lied about her age, intimate emails and text messaging...well, her daddy found out, looked on the computer and found all the emails and freaked out, pressed charges against the guy. It doesn't seem to matter that the girl lies about her age here. The burden is on the adult to be sure he/she is not pursuing a child. The guy last month is going to be labled a sexual predator, will need to register for the rest of his life with the DMV, can't ever buy a home near a school. His life is ruined.

Be very careful. Don't ruin your life over this. Check the laws in your area immediately before pursuing this any further. And I mean check with someone who really knows, like a criminal defense barrister/attorney. I know there are some areas of Europe where the laws aren't so strict about this, but I think it might be Sweden or Norway, not the UK.

Lysne

 
Old 12-23-2005, 04:18 AM   #3
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sarakellieye HB User
Re: My head is going to explode!!!!!

i think that you should stop worrying and go down and see her but not with the plan of having sex and just see what happens, if you dont feel comfortable with the idea on the day then say NO. most importantly though when/if you do sleep with her DO use protection because although she says he parents know that she is sexually active (and they mihgt do) i would think they will NOT be happy if you got her pregnant.

I dont mean to put you off or anything but have you considered the fact that if she lied about her age she could be lying about other things too.

Another important thing is that even though she looks/acts mature you have never actually met her and if you were to get into a long term relationship with her, unfortunatley things would be alot different, you have to remember that she is probably still in school, her and her friends cant go to the pub, smoke or do alot of things that you can do at 21. most 15 year olds drink in fields and down lanes, hang around shops etc. Im not saying she is like that but the fact remains that you dont really know her, like you havent met her in real life because talking on the phone (for no matter what length of time each day) is not the same as spending real time together.

You are right in saying that if she was 20 and you were 26 it would be no problem but that is for one good reason,15 year olds are childish no matter how grown up they act.

I think you really need to think about all these things before you make up your mind becaue the fact remains that this idealisitc view you both have of each other could very well be shattered when you meet and see the drastic differenece in lifestyles you have.


by the way i live in uk also..
Good luck!
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Last edited by sarakellieye; 12-23-2005 at 04:21 AM.

 
Old 12-23-2005, 04:41 AM   #4
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muzicman66 HB User
Re: My head is going to explode!!!!!

Don"t see her at all. One, She lied to you. She"s underage. Think about that. Two, What do you want from her in the long term? You shouldn"t want much. She"s an underage liar who likes having sex alot. Three, Your young. Do you really think you can"t find better than an underage girl? Go to your local pub and talk to the woman there.

 
Old 12-23-2005, 04:56 AM   #5
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Music4All HB User
Re: My head is going to explode!!!!!

You can't help feeling something but you do have 100% control about what action you take. A feeling doesn't have to be acted on as you have the ability to rationaly consider the down side of that action.

You can't avoid the reality that she is a child, no matter how much you or she wants to pretend otherwise. Consider yourself when you were 15. How able were you to make well informed, rational, adult, mature decisions with a clear understanding of how those decisions might affect you years down the road.

The difference between 21 and 26 is worlds different than 21 and 15. How about an 18 year old dating a 12 year old. It is about more than the 6 years, its about the ages each of you are now.

Please think this through clearly.

 
Old 12-23-2005, 05:26 AM   #6
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ErimusValidus HB User
Re: My head is going to explode!!!!!

Hey dude

Why don't you wait 'til this girl turns sixteen and then meet up with her. That way you won't be tempted to satisfy your urges until it's legal to do so. And if she says she can't wait 'til then, then she's probably not for you mate, since you've been waiting for the right girl. Take it easy and enjoy Christmas. Don't let this stress you out!
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Old 12-23-2005, 08:36 AM   #7
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Nina000 HB User
Re: My head is going to explode!!!!!

I agree with all the above. Actually, why would you even want to have a relationship with someone who doesn't sound like a real woman at all? I am sorry for being blunt but a 15 year-old- girl who wants to jump with you into bed even before she gets to know you, speaks volumes about her upbringing..And what kind of trustworthy family she must have, if they know that their child is behaving stupidly and they don't try and stop her.
I wouldn't involve myself mate, try to take interest, like others suggested, in other grown-up women, who are plenty and interesting and MENTALLY equal or challenging. Don't get deeper involved in this relationship.

Last edited by Nina000; 12-23-2005 at 08:50 AM.

 
Old 12-23-2005, 03:23 PM   #8
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: My head is going to explode!!!!!

Well, I'm not going to say anything about the age part, but what I'm curious on is why are you making plans to sleep with some girl you haven't even met?
I don't care how much you talk online, on the phone, and see pictures, you do NOT know someone until you have spent person to person time with them.
So, given the fact that you say you are still a virgin because you are waiting for the right person, how is the right person someone you haven't even met?

In my opinion, I'd say yeah, you're playing with fire.

 
Old 12-24-2005, 11:07 AM   #9
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richie_d HB User
Re: My head is going to explode!!!!!

Hey Everyone,

Thanks for all your replies. I need to decide what to do.

I wish i cud just drop this whole thing but ive just got this feeling that makes me want to keep it going.

Like i said....if you feel like you want something/someone then you cant make yourself stop feeling like you are.

I dont know if this was the right thing to do but i told her today to speak to her parents and tell them everything. I dont want to cause any trouble between her family. At least if they know the full story then maybe they will be happier than if we just met up without them knowing.

She doesnt want to tell them yet......she wants to meet, see how we are toether. If it works out then she wants to tell her parents.

Do you think this was a good thing to do?

Im stuck on this soooo bad. I no she has lied about her age. The girl i fell for was 17 and later turned out to be 15. Does the fact i still feel the same make me a bad person??

The post about the guy who is now branded somekind of criminal made me realise how this could turn out. I'm not somekind of sicko. I'm just a normal guy who is in a bad, strange and difficult situation.

I think im still going to meet her after xmas. I'm not going up there to have sex with her. I'm not willing to jepodize (sp?) my life over this girl. There's no law about just seeing her is there?

At the end of the day, a law is a law. If you break them then you pay the price. I think thats something that im really going to have to think about.

(The post about her upbringing was out of order. I dont mean to be nasty but You know nothing about her past.)

Anyway - thank-you for your replies. They put a few things in perspective.

Rich

 
Old 12-24-2005, 11:14 AM   #10
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Smartpants HB User
Re: My head is going to explode!!!!!

As people have already pointed out, she is 15 years old - just a child. Why an adult would want to be with a 15 year old is beyond me (and as pointed out, illegal in many places). Second, she lied - does this not at all worry you? And most concerning (as already pointed out) is the fact that you have a 15 year old girl who is (by your own account) very sexually experienced and on the Internet looking for men for sexual encounters. This is the type of person you look for???

 
Old 12-24-2005, 11:22 AM   #11
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Nina000 HB User
Re: My head is going to explode!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smartpants
As people have already pointed out, she is 15 years old - just a child. Why an adult would want to be with a 15 year old is beyond me (and as pointed out, illegal in many places). Second, she lied - does this not at all worry you? And most concerning (as already pointed out) is the fact that you have a 15 year old girl who is (by your own account) very sexually experienced and on the Internet looking for men for sexual encounters. This is the type of person you look for???
Exactly!!!!and it's not out of order to ask, what kind of parents allow an underage to have sex? you said they knew she was sexually active, didn't you?

If I were you, I wouldn't be surprised if she says that she lied again about her age and she's like 50 odd who's looking for adventures..

Sorry if I sound blunt, but it's just the way I feel

 
Old 12-25-2005, 11:38 AM   #12
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richie_d HB User
Re: My head is going to explode!!!!!

Hi, Happy Christmas!

Right, its all done and dusted. We had a long talk last night, (yep, xmas eve) and i told her that i couldnt go ahead with it. This whole situation has been messing with my head for weeks and i couldnt go on anymore.

Although i do have feelings for her and i do really like her - she is too young.

I knew this weeks ago when she first told me. The first thing i did was try to finish anything before it went further - but i didnt.

I always knew in the back of my mind but was just trying to ignore the truth and hide behind it.

I just want to say thank-you to the people that posted. I didnt feel confident telling people close to me about this which is why i came here.

I was basically looking for a kick up the backside to make me realise that what i was doing was stupid. I know i can find girls my own age so i dont know why i was so stuck on this one.

We're still going to keep in contact. Who knows we might even meet up in the future.....when she finally turns 17. haha

Anyway, thanks again and hope you all have a good christmas.

Rich

 
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