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Old 12-26-2005, 07:03 PM   #1
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phoenixgal77 HB User
New Update on ex is he playing head games with me?

I wrote a post awhile back and here is what it said:

Here is the story. Five years ago I met this guy who was three years younger than me (now he is 25 and I am 28). I thought he was just going to be a one night stand but it turned out to be more. He was in arizona from texas going to mechanic school. We dated and he treated me horribly. I would beg him to come over and when he would he would have sex with me and leave. He would slam doors in my face and ignore me. He was just really mean. I wanted him so badly and then one day he up and moved back to texas without a fowarding address or phone number not even a goodbye. I was devastated. then 10 months later I received a phone call from him and he said he couldn't stop thinking about me and that he loved me so much and wanted to have kids with me and marry me etc..etc...I believed him and he moved down from texas to live with me. He was a real mama's boy and I was worried because his parents didn't like him living so far away from them (he was a grown adult though.) he had a lot of lying problems and was a pathological liar, but I never thought he cheated on me once. We lived together for almost five years until last year 6 days before christmas he up and moved out. He moved closer to work about 10 miles from me and was still coming over and seeing me and having sex with me. I also have a nine year old daughter that was really attatched to him. He said he still loved me and was not interested in anyone else. Then magically 4 months later he has a new girlfriend and then a little after that he moved to texas again without a forwarding address or phone number. I miss him so much and he sends me e-mails once in a blue moon. My question is...how can someonespend 5 years of their lives with you and then one day just up and replace you with someone else and completely ignore you like you don't even exist. i have sent him e-mails and I did finally get his phone number by accident and I have called and left him voicemails. He ignores all of them. I just stopped e-mailing and calling about a month ago and it is killing me. Please help me...I want him back...what do I do??


He just sent me an email and here is the exact e-mail:
Just wanted to wish you and kendra (my daughter's name) a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Access to a decent computer and e-mail is not easy for me sometimes. Phone is difficult as well, sometimes. I hope Santa was good to Kendra, and you as well. Sorry to be so short, but need to get ready for dinner. Talk to ya later.

See he sends me these e-mails that drive me completely batty. I miss him so much and yearn for him and this is what I get...

Please help me with this situation because I am so lost and confused and I need him back!

 
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Old 12-26-2005, 07:09 PM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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muzicman66 HB User
Re: New Update on ex is he playing head games with me?

Why do you want back, a guy who treated you poorly and used you for sex? If it"s because your not dating another. That"s not a good reason.

 
Old 12-26-2005, 07:18 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jun 2005
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Hiya HB User
Re: New Update on ex is he playing head games with me?

Well, boy, my initial, knee-jerk reaction to your post would be "why in the WORLD do you NEED a man who never demostrated a love for you, who ignored you, took you for granted, treated you like crap and then took off twice without so much as a "have a nice life?" " But as someone who still yearns for someone who didn't treat me a whole lot better than your guy treated you, I can understand how one can get "addicted" to someone, or rather the feeling being with someone can cause. The endorphins and rush of seretonin and Oxytocin and other chemicals that your brain and glands produce when you're in love, the way they make you feel can be addictive. But you must understand that it's that rush, that feeling that you "need," not the man. Believe me, NO ONE needs a man who slams doors in their face, is rude and neglectful, a liar, and who takes off without a word. I strongly recommend a couple of books I recently read, He's Just Not That Into You and Why Men Love Bi***es. He knows how lousy he treated you, and believe it or not, he lost respect for you when you took it instead of kicking his butt out. For your own sake and for your daughter's sake, you need to forget about "getting him back" and start concentrating on building a life of your own that love and are so proud of that you would never again let such a jerk louse it up. If you have to rip the computer out of the wall, DO NOT reply to his email at all. DO NOT call him, write him, email him, or contact him again in any way. Just because he contacts you does not mean you then MUST contact him. He blew his chance. He was not worthy of you or your daughter's affections. I dont' tell you these things lightly, because I truly do understand just how hard it can be. It will take a great deal of hard work and commitment on your part, but c'mon, deep down inside you, you must know on some level that you really don't want to be treated the way he treated you for the rest of your life, right? So you know you really don't want him back. Focus on that to start with.

 
Old 12-26-2005, 08:35 PM   #4
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StormGirl HB User
Re: New Update on ex is he playing head games with me?

Spot on Hiya.I just wanted to add an answer to one of your questions phoenix... you asked why he could just up and leave after 5 years? Because chances are he never really loved you to begin with. Or maybe he is just incapable of it. All I can say is that anyone who can behave in this nasty way and treat a good person so horribly, well there is no love there. He was probably just using you for his own selfish purposes until he sorted himself out. I don't mean to hurt you, but we both know it's the truth and you need to accept that in order to move on. If you love someone, you don't act like that or treat them like that do you? It's not your fault, there are just jerks in this world like that. They don't know how to love or be loved. Sad, but true. And the more they are allowed to get away with it, the longer they stay that way.

Emails and phone calls are not hard to make if he really wanted to. But he doesn't WANT to make the effort. And when he does, it's probably for more selfish purposes, or to keep you hanging on just in case things go wrong for him there he can come back to you and treat you like crap again and you will take it.

YES, he is playing head games with you. Not because he loves you or misses you or is thinking fondly about you. He's doing it because he can and may even get some pleasure out of it. What would you say if it was your daughter in this predicament?

Now that you know he's playing games, stop playing them with him. Let him go. Do not answer him at all anymore or try to contact him. Move on to someone who would actually deserve you and is worthy of you. It hurts, we've all been there. But it's best for you and your daughter in the long run. Find a man who will love you and treat you with respect, settle down with you, care for you and give a good role model to your daughter. They are out there, but you will never find them or give them a chance until you let go of your past with this guy.
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