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Old 12-27-2005, 06:21 PM   #1
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rubberduqqie HB User
Question Long distance..

Lately, I have been feeling quite upset realizing that my boyfriends depature is approaching. I have been ignoring the fact that he will be going away soon for 3 months to Europe. Dreading the thought of him going I have been consumed with emotion and distress. Littering his email with constant reminders of my love for him and questioning his love for me. Although he reassures me that he loves me and this will not change, I am scared that our love will disipate while he is away. I know this may be the true test of our relationship and I don't know if I am prepared. I am scared that he will get drunk and find himself in the cluches of another woman and that will be the end of our relationship. Not that he will love her or that there will be any bond made but now that I have just talked about it I am fearing that he we develop a relationship with someone there. This is making me feel distant from him this constant concern over our relationship and I am afraid now that I will ruin it. I must mention that we have just previously got back together (over a month now) from a brief breakup and his reason for that was things were getting to serious too soon. And I have never felt this way for another person before and I so want to hold on to it. Am I holding to tightly? What should I do about my concerns about his leaving? But please don't tell me that I just need to "lighten up" please explain how I can go about doing that.

 
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Old 12-27-2005, 07:06 PM   #2
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StormGirl HB User
Re: Long distance..

HI!

Yes you probably are holding on too tightly, especially seeing that you mention you broke up because he thought it was getting too serious too soon. I fully understand what it's like not to want to let something go because you are afraid, but sometimes it actually works the opposite way to what you want it to.

Don't torture yourself with the "what if's". You don't know they will happen, so try not to dwell on something that may or may not happen. It's not going to help you and it will annoy the crap outta him.

Just let go and let the cards fall where they will. If the relationship was meant to be, then it will survive. If not, then no matter where he is in the world, it wasn't going to anyway. Just realise that no amount of worrying or reassurance will change that. Nothing will.

Keep busy and don't think about negative things. Stay positive. Stay busy. Occupy your time. You will miss him, but it will fly by. When you contact him when he's away, don't bombard him with questions about where he is, what he's doing, who he's talking to. Just ask if he's having a great time, tell him casually what you've been up to and let him know that you miss him and can't wait for his return. The last thing he wants to hear is whiny "i can't live without you" sooky type stuff. He doesn't want to hear that you sulked and worried the whole time he's away.

Make it easy for him. Give him reason to WANT to come back to you - even if you have to act because you are worrying on the inside - he doesn't want to see that. And that's not by being needy or clingy. Your best chance is to be fun and light and treat it as if nothing will change and when he gets back you can pick back up and catch up on all the time you missed out on while he is away. Concentrate on that, his long awaited return, rather than something that you imagine "might" happen.

And for goodness sakes, don't stress about it until it actually happens. It's just a waste of time to consume yourself with thoughts of things over which you have no control, and thoughts that may not even come to fruitition.

Have faith in your relationship. He wouldn't have got back together with you if he didn't think you were very special. Show him how special you can be and show him all he will miss when he is away.
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Last edited by StormGirl; 12-27-2005 at 07:08 PM.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 04:14 AM   #3
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Aalyisha HB User
Re: Long distance..

that is a hard situation that you are in but all you can do is just let him know that you do love him and that you know he loves you and that although you hope that your relationship lasts through this , that you do realise that it may not..you need to be prepared that things may not work out...im sorry to be so blunt but theres not really another way of saying it...

ok so i presume previous to your breakup you were dating for a while? well if the answer is yes then the next question is this: have you EVER had any reason to doubt his faithfullness to you before? well if the answer is no then all i can say is that if he didnt cheat on you before then he most likely wont do it when he is away will he?

another thing to remember is that ..yes he will be in europe for 3 months..away from home&you but you will also be alone for 3 months so try to go out and have fun,of course you will be worrying what he is doing..that is only natural but trust me, if you are sitting at home every weekend you will only be consumed with feelings of jealousy and fear so try to go out and have a good time with friends to take your mind off it.

i know it does not seem like it now but 3months isnt really that long. i was away from ''the love of my life'' for 7 months and the only way i got through it was by going out and enjoying myself like i knew he would be.
another thing that helped me to think that it wasnt as long as it seems is try to stop thinking of it was 3 months and try to start thinking of it as 12 friday or saturday nights because you know how quickly the weekend comes along.

this guy obviousley loves you too and most likely has no intention of cheating while he is away otherwise why would he get back together with you 1 month before he is going away? if he had any intention of cheating when he was away wouldnt it just have been alot simpler to leave your relationship alone and go away and do what he liked with no consequenses...i would try not to worry..hard as it is its really all you can do..

Good luck

 
Old 12-29-2005, 08:51 AM   #4
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Gundam HB User
Re: Long distance..

I don't mean to sound rude, but he's only going away for 3 months right ?! What's the big deal ? 3 months is such a short period of time. He'll be back in no time.

Make sure you don't hold him too tight. Men very often are put off by their girlfriends overly concerned about minute daily issues. He has assured you that his love wouldn't changed right ?! & I'm sure you love him dearly too. Then you have to trust him.

May I ask ? How long have you dated this guy ?

 
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