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Old 12-27-2005, 07:26 PM   #1
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Issues revolving around this one girl.

Well i have known her for about 3 years, but we never actually hung out, her name is Laura. We had a class together 3 years ago, and we talked a little bit, and then afterwards we stopped talking for awhile. Lately shes been randomly hugging me here and there in the hallways. Well my friend used to like her a lot, and he asked her out but she didnt accept (this was maybe 3 months ago). So lately she has been asking me to hang out with her, she put her number into my phone, and so forth.

Now my problem is that i THINK i may have a crush on her, and i probably do. But i doubt it would work out to begin with, in addition to my friend who likes her would probably hate me for quite a long time. There was another case where she dated another one of his friends instead of him, and it got pretty serious. He has been my friend for about 9 years now, if not more. Now i am pretty sure he would get really mad at me if i were to date her, considering the fact that i talk to many girls but i have only had one girlfriend. We went to see another movie last night, and alone this time (earlier it was with my friend), and she kept kind of leaning over to my side, probably expecting me to put my arm around her or something. Well last night i wasnt sure if i liked her or not, i mean i think shes kind of cute, but i didnt want to lead her on if i didnt even know my feelings. Afterwards i dropped her off and she insisted i go inside and meet her family.

So we can be very good friends, but im worried about dating her. Im not sure if i have a crush on her, if she has a crush on me (help me out, i think she does), and how my friend would react. Any advice will be appreciated.

And i realize alot of what i wrote doesnt make sense, its just a bunch of information boggled up in some random order, so if you have a question to help you help me out, let me know, ill be glad to answer it. Thanks in advance.

-Pawel

 
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Old 12-28-2005, 04:36 PM   #2
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

You don"t want to date a girl you have a crush on and her likewise ( both your actions show this), because your friend likes this girl. Obviously, she doesn"t think of him in the same way she does of you. Go for it.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 06:34 PM   #3
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

It may cause some issues, but I'd say she's fair game for you to date if you want... and yes, she does seem to like you.

You can't avoid every girl that a friend might like... it's not like they were dating or she was promised to him or anything. He just liked her, but she doesn't seem to like him, sooooooo... what can you do? Not your fault.

Just realise it may cause some awkwardness, but if he is a real friend, he'll get over it.
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Old 12-28-2005, 07:41 PM   #4
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

I was in this situation with my first (and only) girlfriend. I met her through my other really good friend, possibly my second best friend just after this one im talking about, and he got really ****** off and that relationship really ruined our friendship, but we're cool again now (nothing like we used to be though). But its pretty obvious she likes me, i just wanted a second opinion to make sure its not my mind just overreacting. She came over again today, and then after i got off work she wanted to get something to eat with me.

Now i need help decephering my feelings. It might just be because i havent had more than just one girlfriend, so i may be really forcing myself to like her. Im just not sure if i could date her though, there are things i dont like about her, but there are things i do like about her. I honestly cannot make my mind up, one day im about to decide that i have a crush on her (yesterday when i made this), and then the next day i decide that it wont work and i might even be forcing myself to like her because i havent had much luck with the girls i have wanted to be with(today).

Can anyone help me out with this?

 
Old 12-28-2005, 08:04 PM   #5
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

No one can help you out with your feelings really. It's quite simple... you either like her or you don't.

The only thing I would recommend is to think about whether you like her or not without thinking about anything else... JUST HER. Don't worry about the friend issue, or whether it will work or not (no one can ever predict that), your inexperience or anything else you are worried about. Just think about her and whether you enjoy being with her and would like to pursue a relationship with her.

It's obvious she likes you. Hard part is over. Easy part is to decide whether you like her enough to want to have a relationship with her?
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Old 12-28-2005, 09:24 PM   #6
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

Well i know another factor thats helping me decide against it, and its a really immature and dumb one too, i can admit but i just cant help these feelings. I wont get too deep into this one, but i got really sick with pneumonia awhile ago and i just decided to talk to my ex's friend from California (where she used to live before she moved here in South Carolina where i met her), and i was out of school for over a week, and i wasnt able to see anyone in person. So if i wasnt at the doctor's office or hospital i was here at home chatting with friends. I became really mentally attached with her, and eventually i admitted to her that its kind of akward but i have an internet crush on her, and she admitted to same thing. So we have been talking alot online ever since (that was awhile ago), and i know people arent always who they seem to be online, but she seems like a good match for me, so im most likely caught up with her. Odds are we will meet this summer face to face too. I know its really weird and probably very immature, but i feel like i may be caught up with Brittany (girl online from California) which is even adding more weight slowing me down from doing anything with Laura. Im just not sure if things with Laura and i would work anyways, i mean shes a great person, good friend, but i just cant see myself dating her for some reason.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 09:48 PM   #7
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

Well your heart is somewhere else, then that's okay. It makes your decision a little easier. But at least let Laura know in case she really likes you alot and thinks she has a chance.

I think it's great (not immature) that you do not want to start something with someone because you have an interest in another girl. It actually shows that you care about their feelings. Some people wouldn't even think about that.

While there are many internet relationship failures, there are also some fabulous success stories... so who's to say Brittany isn't all she seems to be.

Good luck either way!
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Old 12-28-2005, 10:00 PM   #8
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

Yeah, i have been talking to Brittany so long now (even though its only been a few months, i mean the hours total), that she seems to have one static personality which i have fallen in love with, even though i never actually met her. Plus she openly tells me the negative things about her, including some really deep things. And i did the same. So i just have that connection with her, and i still feel like an idiot because i have only had one girlfriend, and i have a few possibilities but i throw them away because i have these feelings for a girl who lives over 3000 miles away.

As for Laura, i cant tell yet honestly, we can be great friends thats all i know for sure. But there are just some things i could not accept about her. And yes, i realize im young, im not expecting to find the person i want to settle down with and spend the rest of my life together with, but these high school relationships seem like good preperations for the REAL relationships i may face in the future. And if i only have one relationship to work off of (which didnt even go so well), then who knows how long it will take for me to find the person im looking for since im so unprepared. Thats just my view on it.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 10:09 PM   #9
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

Yes High School relationships are very important. Mine lasted for 5 years and I learnt many valuable, and some painful lessons. I'm currently with someone else that I met while I was at school, and I am almost 28 now!!!

Don't feel bad because you've only had one girlfriend. Some people who have had MANY more still have no idea. But from what you say you seem to care about people's feelings and have the right attitude about relationships... and that counts for more than you probably know.

Even after years of experience you may still not know everything about relationships... no one does. I certainly don't. It's a loooooong time learning experience that goes on for life I guess. But as long as you have the fundamentals, the rest will come. And remember, the girls you are going out with probably don't know alot more than you do, or even have as much experience. So it will be a learning experience for both of you!
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Old 12-29-2005, 06:10 AM   #10
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

Yeah, but the idea is that im throwing off one girl's chances that i have a good shot with because i have feelings for some girl i have never met in person, that i just met online and because i dont want my friend to hate me or anything. And honestly, he already got a little upset over everything so its starting.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 09:56 PM   #11
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

If she is not worth risking your friend over, then don't. And don't worry that you may be throwing away a 'chance". It's not a good reason to be with someone, and believe me, you will have many more 'chances' anyway. You have a whole lifetime of chances, so don't sweat it. If she was your dream girl though and you were in 'love' with her, I'd say to seriously think about it... but that's not the case so it makes it much easier.

The 2 reasons that you mentioned, Brittany (even though you haven't met her... so what?) and not wanting to hurt your friends feelings, are pretty good ones I'd say. And couple them with the fact that you don't know how you really feel about Laura, and I'd say you have your answer...

I hope that you get to meet Brittany and she is everything that you imagine. She sounds special.
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Old 12-29-2005, 10:34 PM   #12
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

Yeah she is definately something to me, not sure if its more of a relationship love thing or a friendship love thing. But even though we've never met face to face, i feel like i have more of a connection with her than any other person i know.

As for Laura, im pretty sure i wouldnt be able to date her. But its pretty obvious now that she has something for me, and i dont know how to go about telling her. Im just trying to play it dumb and act as if i didnt know what was going on, and when she asks me to hang out i could just make up an excuse or something. I dont know anymore, whenever i think relationships all i can think of is how great it would be if Brittany were here.

 
Old 12-30-2005, 06:37 PM   #13
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lazer-LXXVII
whenever i think relationships all i can think of is how great it would be if Brittany were here.
You are such a sweetie... whatever type of relationship it ends up being with Brittany, she sure is a lucky girl. I hope you tell her these things too!!! She'd be very pleased!

Keep your great attitude about relationships going and you'll be fine, you'll do great. But as for Laura... if you don't want to date her and she keeps asking to do things, maybe tell her that you can't cause you have arranged something with a 'special friend' (she doesn't have to know that it's an online chat at this point only!!!). But just mention that there is someone special to you so that she can get the hint and not get too hooked on you... you know what I mean?
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Old 12-30-2005, 10:00 PM   #14
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

Well, good idea. I just hate being unneccessarily mean, so it would be akward saying that out of nowhere. She hasnt really asked me if im interested in anyone at the moment, she has been asking alot about past relationships though. I dont know, but thats a good idea, just subtly and nicely hint her that im shooting for someone else. I still have that guilty feeling deep down that im dumb for having SUCH huge feelings for Brittany, i mean even though we never met in real life, i havent experienced this kind of connection with anyone else before.

 
Old 12-30-2005, 10:07 PM   #15
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Re: Issues revolving around this one girl.

Don't feel silly at all... be glad that you feel such a connection with someone. Do you think that the people who meet online and end up marrying thought they were being silly?

You have all the time in the world, so don't worry so much. And it's not all about looks. You are getting to know someone based on your conversations and something more deep than what they look like. It may work, it may not. I think it's great anyway...
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