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Old 12-27-2005, 09:02 PM   #1
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can't stop crying

My boyfriend broke up with me about two months ago. WE've been dating for two years and a're both in our early twenties. After he broke up with me we decided on only seeing each other once or twice a week, but after two weeks of this, our relationship went right back to the way it used to be(seeing eachother pretty much everyday). I thought it was going pretty well, until today he freaked out on me. We were playing pool and having a drink at a bar, and his friend said he planned to go out with a bunch of girls this evening. When my "ex" heard this and he saw it as an opportunity to get laid, and decided to take me home, so that he could go out with his friend+girls. He straight up told me he needed space, that he wanted to meet, flirt, feel up, and **** other girls, hence tonight was his chance to do that, so i am not welcome to come out with them.
Now i can't stop crying. I feel like ****, and depressed. I don't want to hang out with anyone else but him, and i hate knowing that he may "**** some other girl tonight. Theres more...HE is Jewish and the reason he could never see us being together forever is because i am not jewish and he must marry a jewish girl.
His friends have told me on a number of occasions that he loves me very much, but i find that hard to believe when he treats this way. I know what i should do: get rid of him, move on, etc. but thats not easy!! He has been my best friend for the past two years. I don't know what to do, because i know he'll call me in a couple of days, and act as of this all never happened.
I can't stop crying. IT hurts so much to know that he doesn't love me the way i love him.

 
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Old 12-27-2005, 09:12 PM   #2
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Re: can't stop crying

I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad tonight, sweetie. Many of us have been there, and I know how badly it hurts. But hopefully you can see clearly now that doing the "just friends" thing is clearly not an option, at least not while you still have such strong feelings for him. Truth be told, he doesn't sound like much of a friend anyway.

Give yourself a little, a LITTLE, time to grieve, then get on with the business of building a full life without him. The best thing you can do is cut off all contact and occupy your mind and time so you're not thinking about what he's doing or who he's with. Spend time with family and friends, not his, spend some time with people who don't know him well. And come here to vent as much as you need to. Hang in there. It will get easier for you.

 
Old 12-27-2005, 09:27 PM   #3
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Re: can't stop crying

I completly understand and am very sorry you are going through this. The same thing happened to me, except I was pregnant and he broke up with me..he moved an hour away ,but he always came to "see" me everyweek.Supposedly we were trying to work things out. Well come to find out he would call me on his way to his girlfriends house(he always told me how much he loved me before he hung up too). Anyways, I would like to tell you to forget about him, but I know it is not that easy. Who knows things could work out for you two. I ended up marrying the man that treated me so badly, and am very happy I did. There is hope. Some men jsut don't mature as fast as we do. Sometimes It takes them a while to realize what a good thing they had. Good Luck.

 
Old 12-27-2005, 09:47 PM   #4
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Re: can't stop crying

Hi! Sorry that you feel so horrible... unfortunately love involves the glorious highs and the devastating lows.

The thing is, no matter what we do, we can't make someone love us. And apparently with his treatment of you, he doesn't. Hard to accept and deal with, but reality none the less.

This guy passed you up in favour of going out and getting lucky with girls at the first chance he got. And he said it clearly to your face. It doesn't get much more obvious than that. He has no intention of "being" with you.

Maybe he has hung around you as a habit, until he had another opportunity... and really, whether friend or boyfriend... you don't need someone like that in your life. You may love him with all your heart, but it won't change the reality of things. Either will trying to get him to change his mind.

Maybe he is just immature and wants to explore other pastures, who knows. But while he is doing this, do the same thing. There is no point waiting around for him to make up his mind. He will do so whether you are around or not. But give yourself a chance at having happiness so that you are not sitting around waiting for him or worrying about where he is or who he is with.

Next time he calls, don't accept it. Or if you do, tell him you are busy and can no longer see him. Tell him that you took it as being over the day he passed you up in favour of some skanky girls... and that you deserve better. It's his loss anyway, and one day he may or may not realise that... but don't wait for him. Do not allow him to use you until more "opportunities" come up - because opportunities of your own may pass you by while you are waiting for a guy that couldn't care less. Have some pride and know that no one deserves that.

But at least he is being honest with you and not hiding it behind your back, so please don't think next time he calls that it's all okay again and you can go back to normal - it won't as he has said. Cruel as that may sound, it really is better to know what he is like now. It's hurts alot too, but hurt heals over time. And the chance at real happiness with someone who WILL love and adore you is priceless.
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Old 12-27-2005, 09:56 PM   #5
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Re: can't stop crying

well i spoke to him... he said he was probably gonna stay home, but he would give me a call in a half hour. When he didn 't call, i called his house and he told me he was about to get in the shower and get ready to go out. He wouldn't tell me where or who he was going out with. intstead, when i asked he hung up the phone on me.
I feel the tears coming on again, because i want to be with him so badly, and he won't let me. For a breif moment (while waiting for his call) i really thought that he may of realized how mean he was to me and was ready to talk in person about it. I thought he may have realized how imature he dealt with the situation. HE changed his mind i guess, so i got all my hopes up for nothing, and I feel worse now. Why do i let him have so much control over me? I've been in many relationships, but never in one where i feel so incompetent, so controlled, so unworthy. HOw can a guy be so nice one minute, and so mean the next. HE probably has some psychological problems, but despite that, or in general, how can a guy you give your heart to be so cruel? Does he have no heart, or is he just afraid to use it?

Last edited by Miette1; 12-27-2005 at 09:57 PM.

 
Old 12-27-2005, 10:00 PM   #6
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Re: can't stop crying

Honey, that's just men. You need to read a really great book called "He's Just Not That Into You." It lays it out straight. It has nothign to do with you, just how cold men are in general until they find the one they really love.

 
Old 12-27-2005, 10:15 PM   #7
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Re: can't stop crying

I have the book, and i have read it, but i can't help but feel like there are flaws in it. I don't agree that all men are the same. Especially if one has a psychological problem, like my ex. I know what the right thing to do is, but it is just so hard for me to do it. It's like trying to quit chocolate, or fatening foods.
You know it would be healthiest to quit them, but your addicted, and can't help but want more. You can't make chocolate healthy, just like i can't make my ex love me. I know the right thing to do but struggle to do it. BEsides hanging out with friends and family, does anyone ahve any other suggestions to get this guy off my mind?

 
Old 12-27-2005, 10:24 PM   #8
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Re: can't stop crying

Stop ringing and contacting him and encouraging him. It just gives him the green light to use you further and prolongs your agony.

Stop asking what he is doing. As he is your "ex" it really is not your concern, and you are only torturing yourself worrying about it.

It doesn't matter what he decides to do, he's made it quite clear he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. Accept that in your own mind instead of looking for answers or excuses. There are no answers. It's just life and the way some people are. You can't change that. If he doesn't want to be there, he doesn't. And it's not really his fault. People change their minds about things all the time and he has that right - and you must accept it as much as it hurts to do so. He treats you like crap because you allow him to use you when he is telling you directly how he wants things to be.

If he does have psychological problems, then he needs to get them fixed himself. You can't help him and chances are he doesn't want you to.

Let him go. If it was meant to be he will come back one day after he has grown up a bit. But for now, if he by chance does get in contact with you, play it cool and don't play his game. Tell him you are busy and are moving on seeing that he wants to mess around with other girls. Be the strong one. Being needy and clingy will only drive him away further.
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Old 12-27-2005, 10:37 PM   #9
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Re: can't stop crying

your right, i need to stop. thank you all for your responses. I knew all along the answer to the problem , but STRUGGLEd TO accept it. i must do what is best for me and stop all communications with him. thank you all again!

 
Old 12-27-2005, 11:34 PM   #10
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Re: can't stop crying

We all struggle with decisions like this. Don't think this is your fault. It really isn't, it's just an unfair and unexplainable part of life that happens to the best of us. I'm sure that you are a gorgeous person that has been a wonderful partner. But that doesn't mean that all our prayers will be answered. And think of the lucky guy who really is missing out on being with a wonderful person like you. It's not fair for him that you are stuck on a guy who doesn't appreciate you!!!

I like to think that everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that. And although it doesn't feel like it, one day you will realise that when you are with the real love of your life. And it will happen. You just have to give it the best chance.

Best wishes to you. I know the sorrow that you feel and I wish I could take it away. But you will survive and go onto bigger and better things.
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