Problems with sister - Relationship Health Message Board

smurfett · 12-27-2005, 10:07 PM

Hi everyone, I don't een know for sure if i am posting this in the right area but heres my problem...I know this happens alot and I am kind of hoping someone has some advice for me. My sister and I were always very close, we did everythign together, literally best friends. I got married a little over 3 years ago and my husband moved out about 10 months into the marriage to be with someone else. Of course I turned to my sister for support, and she was there for me. My husband and I reconciled and have been back together for a little over 2 years.The problem is now my sister doesn't have the time of day for me or my kids. She is civil at family functions and everyhting, just not how it use to be. She has also gotten a fiance' and a new baby in this time and her fiance' just flat out does not like our family...he comes from money,we don't. Anyways my sister and I have always said I would be here matron of honor and vice versa. All of a sudden I hear she wants me to be a bridesmaid because her fiance has his best friend as his best man and he doesn't want me to walk with him. Instead he has his best friends wifebeing my sisters matron of honor(according to my sister she doesn't even like this girl and has only know her for about 1 year)I think she accomadates her fiance too much. I want to know if anyone has any suggestions about any of this and does anyone think I am being childish wanting to be my sisters matron of honor. Or should I just let it go. I honestly don't want to spend $200 on a dress if I'm not truly wanted.

luvgirl · 12-28-2005, 06:34 AM

Don't feel bad smurf as I would be upset too if my sister did that to me. I wanted to ask, was your sister your matron of honour when you got married?? If you were and you sort of had an 'unofficial' agreement that you'll be each other's matron of honours then you should just talk to your sister. She is your sister and just be honest with her. The worst that could happen right now is you're a bridesmaid. Also there is nothing wrong with a being a bridesmaid too. Things change as we grow older and we grow to accomendate it. I would just suggest talking to your sister about what you are feeling. It's sometimes best to tell her that you have some thoughts that she may not want to hear but would be good to hear. Just let her know beforehand that she might get a bit offended or upset with what you're telling her. I hope this helps and good luck.

opielonghorn · 12-28-2005, 08:32 AM

what do you mean when you say you heard that you would not be matron of honor? did she tell you this herself? i would wait until she does before deciding how to feel about it. also, i don't know that i would focus on the matron of honor stuff as much as i would on finding out what has changed for her in terms of your actual relationship. have you asked her why she seems so distant lately? if you decide to talk to her about all of this, i would be careful about bringing the fiance into it. a similar thing happened in my family when my brother was dating someone; my mother and sister automatically blamed the girlfriend whenever my brother didn't show up for a function, when in fact it was all him.

try to have a real conversation with your sister. and if it is true that she doesn't want you to be matron of honor, decide whether it's important enough to you just to be in her wedding at all.

smurfett · 12-28-2005, 09:02 AM

My mom is who I heard I would be a briseamaid from,so I did ask my sister and she said it was true. I know I shouldn't focus to much on that,but I really does upset me.It is almost like she just feels obligated to have me in her wedding. Anyways, I have kind of talked to my sister about why she ahs changed so much, but with her lately you have to be very careful what you say(if anyone says something she does't like she just won't let them see her son for a few months).She is very mature for her age in some ways, and in others it is like i am dealing with a 18 year old. But don't get me wrong I care about her very much. Also I have called her several times to go for dinner, or go to shoping or whatever, and she usually will go(but only if her fiance' is at work. Anothr thing I do daycare in my home and her son needed a daycare so I offered(was going to do it half price for her). Well she said no,and decided to take him to another home daycare. I don't know maybe I just care to much.Maybe I shouldn't be taking this so personally, but I am

Ruth6:11 · 12-28-2005, 03:48 PM

Just a thought - because of the situation where your husband moved out and your sister was supportive of you, and then you reconciled.. Is it possible that you sister knows enough about the problems involved that she is having a hard time acting like nothing has happened? Could she be holding bad feelings for your husband or that you two are back together in possible the same situation?

There isn't alot you can do about who she picks for matron of honor - I agree with those who say that the REAL issue is the relationship between you and how it got this way.