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Old 12-27-2005, 09:07 PM   #1
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smurfett HB User
Unhappy Problems with sister

Hi everyone, I don't een know for sure if i am posting this in the right area but heres my problem...I know this happens alot and I am kind of hoping someone has some advice for me. My sister and I were always very close, we did everythign together, literally best friends. I got married a little over 3 years ago and my husband moved out about 10 months into the marriage to be with someone else. Of course I turned to my sister for support, and she was there for me. My husband and I reconciled and have been back together for a little over 2 years.The problem is now my sister doesn't have the time of day for me or my kids. She is civil at family functions and everyhting, just not how it use to be. She has also gotten a fiance' and a new baby in this time and her fiance' just flat out does not like our family...he comes from money,we don't. Anyways my sister and I have always said I would be here matron of honor and vice versa. All of a sudden I hear she wants me to be a bridesmaid because her fiance has his best friend as his best man and he doesn't want me to walk with him. Instead he has his best friends wifebeing my sisters matron of honor(according to my sister she doesn't even like this girl and has only know her for about 1 year)I think she accomadates her fiance too much. I want to know if anyone has any suggestions about any of this and does anyone think I am being childish wanting to be my sisters matron of honor. Or should I just let it go. I honestly don't want to spend $200 on a dress if I'm not truly wanted.

 
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Old 12-28-2005, 05:34 AM   #2
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luvgirl HB User
Re: Problems with sister

Don't feel bad smurf as I would be upset too if my sister did that to me. I wanted to ask, was your sister your matron of honour when you got married?? If you were and you sort of had an 'unofficial' agreement that you'll be each other's matron of honours then you should just talk to your sister. She is your sister and just be honest with her. The worst that could happen right now is you're a bridesmaid. Also there is nothing wrong with a being a bridesmaid too. Things change as we grow older and we grow to accomendate it. I would just suggest talking to your sister about what you are feeling. It's sometimes best to tell her that you have some thoughts that she may not want to hear but would be good to hear. Just let her know beforehand that she might get a bit offended or upset with what you're telling her. I hope this helps and good luck.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 07:32 AM   #3
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opielonghorn HB User
Re: Problems with sister

what do you mean when you say you heard that you would not be matron of honor? did she tell you this herself? i would wait until she does before deciding how to feel about it. also, i don't know that i would focus on the matron of honor stuff as much as i would on finding out what has changed for her in terms of your actual relationship. have you asked her why she seems so distant lately? if you decide to talk to her about all of this, i would be careful about bringing the fiance into it. a similar thing happened in my family when my brother was dating someone; my mother and sister automatically blamed the girlfriend whenever my brother didn't show up for a function, when in fact it was all him.

try to have a real conversation with your sister. and if it is true that she doesn't want you to be matron of honor, decide whether it's important enough to you just to be in her wedding at all.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 08:02 AM   #4
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smurfett HB User
Re: Problems with sister

My mom is who I heard I would be a briseamaid from,so I did ask my sister and she said it was true. I know I shouldn't focus to much on that,but I really does upset me.It is almost like she just feels obligated to have me in her wedding. Anyways, I have kind of talked to my sister about why she ahs changed so much, but with her lately you have to be very careful what you say(if anyone says something she does't like she just won't let them see her son for a few months).She is very mature for her age in some ways, and in others it is like i am dealing with a 18 year old. But don't get me wrong I care about her very much. Also I have called her several times to go for dinner, or go to shoping or whatever, and she usually will go(but only if her fiance' is at work. Anothr thing I do daycare in my home and her son needed a daycare so I offered(was going to do it half price for her). Well she said no,and decided to take him to another home daycare. I don't know maybe I just care to much.Maybe I shouldn't be taking this so personally, but I am

 
Old 12-28-2005, 02:48 PM   #5
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Problems with sister

Just a thought - because of the situation where your husband moved out and your sister was supportive of you, and then you reconciled.. Is it possible that you sister knows enough about the problems involved that she is having a hard time acting like nothing has happened? Could she be holding bad feelings for your husband or that you two are back together in possible the same situation?

There isn't alot you can do about who she picks for matron of honor - I agree with those who say that the REAL issue is the relationship between you and how it got this way.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 04:36 PM   #6
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smurfett HB User
Re: Problems with sister

I totally agree. I was just telling some of the things about our relationship that has changed. And some of the things that were bothering me. Thank you all for the advice,but apperently to some of you it sounds as though I am whining. Sorry to waste all of your time.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 06:39 PM   #7
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Problems with sister

Actually I was quite interested in your situation because I am a sister myself.
And even though I'm 51 I've never understood why whining has to be such a bad thing.
I call it "expressing myself" and then I whine away. And there are people here who honestly want to help you understand either your sister, or the dynamics of your relationship with her.
Yeah, maybe people get too tuned in on the maid of honor angle - and like I said, that's the one thing that you can't do a a whole lot about.
But - the relationship between sisters is an important one.
If you keep the thread going I'll even whine a bit myself about my next oldest sister - and this is the only place I know of that will listen!!
Ruth

 
Old 12-28-2005, 08:05 PM   #8
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smurfett HB User
Re: Problems with sister

Thanks, I didn't mean to come across badly.Sorry.Anyways I have tried to talk to her about things, and with no luck at all. She is one of those people that if you want to talk to you have to call her, she very rarely calls. Also, I do agree with the issue with my husband-my sister tolerates him, but can't stand what he did to me. That puts me in avery bad psoition though, it's like saying I have to choose between them.I can't do that. My husband did do some very horrible things to me in the past, but we get along alot better now. He works all the time though(out of town mon. morning thru fri. evening) That is the only issue we have anymore. I know it is just because the job pays good and he has no other choice if we want to pay our bills and have enough left over for our 3 kids. But other than that my husband has turned into a very devoted dad and husband. My sister also has to realize that part of what made him do what he did is the fact that he is bipolar and quit taking his meds(hethought he didn't need them).Well, I have tried to tell my sister this and she says she can also tell that he has changed but she still can't forgive the pain he caused me. I understand her point, but I don't know if she actually wants me to choose or what? I would never tell her I don't like her fiance' even though I don't. Who knew life could be this complicated? When I was a little girl I thought I would grow up, get married, have some kids, and live happily ever after. Well that's not exactly how it turned out. I have a mother who is very overbearing, and yells all the time so I definatly can't talk to her about any of this.Every time I have tried all she will say is she understands how I feel and agrees with me then she will go into her lunitic ranting and raving about how horrible her family has turned out.Anyways, It is kind of nice being able to vant like this and get some input from people who are not so closely involved. Thanks for the advice

 
Old 12-30-2005, 07:32 PM   #9
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smurfett HB User
Re: Problems with sister

Where you at ruth??

 
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