how do i get an answer as well? - Relationship Health Message Board

kalbc311 · 12-28-2005, 01:32 PM

well, i have posted here before and recently read Ken-Y's post and it seemed like the exact same situation.. (Quick Recap) I dated a girl for 6 years and she moved in with me.. a year or so later we broke up cause i was not ready to commit and she was tired of it.. we continued to live together and kind of did our own things.. recently i realized i wanted her back and i was ready to make a comitment.. she said "i dont know" and wanted time to think about it.. this was nearly two months ago.. she never brings it up and when i do she gets frustrated with the conversation and doesnt want to discuss it.. she keeps saying she needs time.. i keep pleading with her to just make a descision and told her if she didnt want to, just say no and i will be ok with it. despite this, she wont give an answer and keeps saying she is confused and needs time.. meanwhile she has been spending alot of time with this other guy.. she insists there is nothing more than friendship at this point although it is clear that he likes her allot and she thinks he is very nice as well as cute.. i keep saying she needs to make a decision befor pursuing another realtionship but she insists they are only friends and needs time to think... she also told me that she is spending new years eve at his house this weekend but still says they are just friends.. I feel like i am stuck.. she wont allow me to show her i am ssincere and she wont give me an answer.. i dont want to pressure her but i also dont want to keep feeling hurt when she hangs out with this dude... at first i didnt think she cared about me but now i believe her becasue these conversations we have get emotional and she hates them... if she didnt care it seems it would be easier just to say she doesnt want to be with me and it would be over... I guess i feel like i need to draw a line in the sand. I thought about telling her that if she goes to this guys house on new years eve than that would be it for me and everything would be over... is this being selfish? do i deseve to have to go through this since i put her through hell? should i not object to her going over there and just be a sucka? i know sometimes people want to figure things out but how long cn somebody wait? i feel Ken-y's pain and he has only been doing this for a couple days.. Advice is apreciated

Ruth6:11 · 12-28-2005, 03:38 PM

The lady has asked for time - she gave you 6-7 yrs from what I can see...
Back off and let her figure out if you're serious or not, OR break it off with her if this guy friend of hers is too much for you.
Either way - back WAY off - even if it means just giving her a call once a week to say Howdy if that's what it takes. IF you want a chance at her taking a chance that you are committment material finally.

kalbc311 · 12-28-2005, 04:17 PM

well she lives with me so it is a little hard

kalbc311 · 12-28-2005, 04:23 PM

seems like when i post the women on here get angry cause i had waited so long to commit...i have to think this would be better than saying you were ready and have doubts that would surface later in the relationship

dewdrop333 · 12-28-2005, 04:47 PM

I think that a good number of us have been burned, and that makes it hard for us because we would tend to see things from your former girlfriends side of things.

Honestly the only thing you can give her is patience and the space that she asks for. She waited a long time for you, I do not think it is unreasonable that she is making you wait now.

Remain determied, show her you love her and you will work with her timeline, whatever that may be. If you have decided that you want to mary her then you have to let her run the show right now.

If she choses not to be with you, then you also have to respect that decision.

I guess that is the only advice that I can give.

I do wish you well.