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Old 12-28-2005, 12:32 PM   #1
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how do i get an answer as well?

well, i have posted here before and recently read Ken-Y's post and it seemed like the exact same situation.. (Quick Recap) I dated a girl for 6 years and she moved in with me.. a year or so later we broke up cause i was not ready to commit and she was tired of it.. we continued to live together and kind of did our own things.. recently i realized i wanted her back and i was ready to make a comitment.. she said "i dont know" and wanted time to think about it.. this was nearly two months ago.. she never brings it up and when i do she gets frustrated with the conversation and doesnt want to discuss it.. she keeps saying she needs time.. i keep pleading with her to just make a descision and told her if she didnt want to, just say no and i will be ok with it. despite this, she wont give an answer and keeps saying she is confused and needs time.. meanwhile she has been spending alot of time with this other guy.. she insists there is nothing more than friendship at this point although it is clear that he likes her allot and she thinks he is very nice as well as cute.. i keep saying she needs to make a decision befor pursuing another realtionship but she insists they are only friends and needs time to think... she also told me that she is spending new years eve at his house this weekend but still says they are just friends.. I feel like i am stuck.. she wont allow me to show her i am ssincere and she wont give me an answer.. i dont want to pressure her but i also dont want to keep feeling hurt when she hangs out with this dude... at first i didnt think she cared about me but now i believe her becasue these conversations we have get emotional and she hates them... if she didnt care it seems it would be easier just to say she doesnt want to be with me and it would be over... I guess i feel like i need to draw a line in the sand. I thought about telling her that if she goes to this guys house on new years eve than that would be it for me and everything would be over... is this being selfish? do i deseve to have to go through this since i put her through hell? should i not object to her going over there and just be a sucka? i know sometimes people want to figure things out but how long cn somebody wait? i feel Ken-y's pain and he has only been doing this for a couple days.. Advice is apreciated

 
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Old 12-28-2005, 02:38 PM   #2
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

The lady has asked for time - she gave you 6-7 yrs from what I can see...
Back off and let her figure out if you're serious or not, OR break it off with her if this guy friend of hers is too much for you.
Either way - back WAY off - even if it means just giving her a call once a week to say Howdy if that's what it takes. IF you want a chance at her taking a chance that you are committment material finally.

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 12-28-2005 at 02:38 PM.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 03:17 PM   #3
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

well she lives with me so it is a little hard

 
Old 12-28-2005, 03:23 PM   #4
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

seems like when i post the women on here get angry cause i had waited so long to commit...i have to think this would be better than saying you were ready and have doubts that would surface later in the relationship

 
Old 12-28-2005, 03:47 PM   #5
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

I think that a good number of us have been burned, and that makes it hard for us because we would tend to see things from your former girlfriends side of things.

Honestly the only thing you can give her is patience and the space that she asks for. She waited a long time for you, I do not think it is unreasonable that she is making you wait now.

Remain determied, show her you love her and you will work with her timeline, whatever that may be. If you have decided that you want to mary her then you have to let her run the show right now.

If she choses not to be with you, then you also have to respect that decision.

I guess that is the only advice that I can give.

I do wish you well.
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Old 12-28-2005, 04:06 PM   #6
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

I agree with the other posters as far as your past actions. The issue now is, she will be spending New Year"s at another man"s house while she still lives with you. Is this man hosting a party or is it just a twosome? If it"s a party, why aren"t you invited? It"s NY"s and he"s just a friend (perfect way to show you he's a friend). If it is just the two of them. You already have your answer.
Male or female, scorned or not. When one is thinking about whether they should stay with another. At least seperate first. Show respect to the other person, the friend and themselves.

Last edited by muzicman66; 12-28-2005 at 04:08 PM.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 04:20 PM   #7
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

well she said it was him, her and his daughter and she thought some other folks may be there but not sure... so should i tell her if she goes that is it?

 
Old 12-28-2005, 04:26 PM   #8
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

Not unless you want her to say ... fine .. thats it. But thats just my opinion.
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Old 12-28-2005, 04:30 PM   #9
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

Have you ever thought of biting the bullet and 'showing' her you are really ready for commitment. For a woman, hearing it (yeah, yeah, heard it all before... it will happen 'soon'), and actually SEEING it, are two totally different things. I mean, she has waited so long... why should she believe you just because you think you may be ready? Don't talk about it, do it if you are as ready as you say you are...

Maybe you have left your run too late, but maybe not. She's still there and you still have some sort of chance...

I do think it's a little unfair to expect an answer because you hurt. I'm sure she did too for the last few years. But from her point of view, nothing much has changed has it? It's still exactly where it left off.
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Old 12-28-2005, 04:47 PM   #10
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

Ultimatums are never a good thing for a relationship. Let her know that by her wanting to spend a night like NY"s eve with a friend instead of you, will show you how much the relationship has changed. Ask her to think about these questions, What does she expect to happen, by going with her friend, yet still wanting to live with you? How will this improve things? Do not wait for answers. Her actions will give you them.
Did you have your living arrangements before you met her or did your purchase it together?

Last edited by muzicman66; 12-28-2005 at 04:51 PM.

 
Old 12-28-2005, 05:02 PM   #11
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

we bought the house while we were going out... we had been living in an apartment and i wanted to buy a house... it is entirely in my name and i paid for everything so it isnt really "our" house but i did get it while we were together... we officially split up like 2 years ago but kept living together in seperate bedrooms.. i guess i always kind of figured we would eventually get back together

 
Old 12-28-2005, 05:15 PM   #12
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

Interesting. Officially breaking up is when one or both move on with their lives. Neither of you have at this point. Sound like you both are just playing a game with each other. Think about it. Two years of living together, seperate bedrooms, and not dating others. What were you waiting for?

 
Old 12-28-2005, 05:18 PM   #13
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

well we have been very busy at work and other things and neither of us really met anyone to date.. until now i guess.. i just cant see how she could spend new years with the guy if she still had feelings for me ya know?

 
Old 12-28-2005, 06:00 PM   #14
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

Two years? No wonder she doesn't take it seriously...

It's now or never. Tell her you want to take her out shopping for an engagement ring to show her your intentions.

To me, she is caught in a bit of a trap. She probably likes this other guy, hence why she wants to spend New Years with him. The reason she keeps telling you he is only a friend, is probably because she still has some feelings for you too? Just a thought. But if it was really on with this guy, why would she be afraid to tell you?
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Old 12-28-2005, 06:06 PM   #15
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Re: how do i get an answer as well?

I agree. She"s trying to push the issue. If you want her. Go for it now. Right now.

Last edited by muzicman66; 12-28-2005 at 06:07 PM.

 
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