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Old 12-29-2005, 03:44 AM   #1
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Diamond141 HB User
New relationships how to make sure?

Hello -

Ok, so now i've had 2 relationships post divorce. I have a house and kids. I own the house. First man: Was being evicted from his apt. so he moved in with me, and way too soon. I found out he never paid his bills, (why else would he be evicted, for not paying his rent)was a gambler, was abusive. Man number 2: Great looking guy, living in his trailer. (also divorced) with 3 kids. Moved in with me over the summer. I found out he didn't like to pay for anything, was happy just living at my house until I made him pay rent. Which he did after he took care of his bills, which wasn't steady. Didn't want to help out because it wasn't his house. Never offered to pay for anything, spent most of his time away coaching his kids all year.

So i've learned: Never let anyone move in too quickly, if they don't have a job or a home and try to find out why they're divorced, if you can.

Which brings me to my question. How do do you find out the background on someone? I know you can do background checks, but how? Do you talk to their ex's? I want to be MUCH smarter the next time.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 03:59 AM   #2
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Hangin in There HB User
Re: New relationships how to make sure?

My family did a background check on one of my ex-boyfriends by getting info from his license plate #.

Don't ever ask a guy's mother. She'll defend him all the way.

 
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Old 12-29-2005, 05:59 AM   #3
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Re: New relationships how to make sure?

A background check seems pretty extreme to me. I'd try getting information out of him via normal conversation. I'd say be very cautious with a guy who is very tight-liped and isn't open about his past.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 06:15 AM   #4
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Hangin in There HB User
Re: New relationships how to make sure?

But you know what, Reddoor? I asked this guy if he'd ever been in jail, etc. He denied everything. So did his mother. Unfortunately, you can't accept people's word at face value. They want to make themselves look as good as possible.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 07:09 AM   #5
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Music4All HB User
Re: New relationships how to make sure?

You did not say if your kids live with you. If that is the case, I would have been very concernd about these men moving in with your children. I think that could be a rule to follow. Never let a man move in regardless of his financial status if you have children living at home. They don't deserve to have to take on the parents personal relationship gambles. If your kids are grown, this does not apply.

I definitely do not think a criminal and credit check is at all out of line if you have children and are considering making a relationship serious.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 07:23 AM   #6
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Re: New relationships how to make sure?

There's all sorts of places you can pay to have a background check done. The internet advertises for it all the time. I don't know how accurate they are, but the more you pay the more info they can find out for you.
I think it's a necessity in today's world. People do nothing but lie. You really can't trust anyone when you have children to protect. I hear so many cases of children being raped by men the mother dates. Definitely look into a background check, for your family's safety.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 07:32 AM   #7
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reddoorblack HB User
Re: New relationships how to make sure?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hangin in There
But you know what, Reddoor? I asked this guy if he'd ever been in jail, etc. He denied everything. So did his mother. Unfortunately, you can't accept people's word at face value. They want to make themselves look as good as possible.
Yeah, it's true. There are a lot of liars out there. Sad but true. I guess I'm very niave and know for sure I am too trusting.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 02:34 PM   #8
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Diamond141 HB User
Re: New relationships how to make sure?

Yes, thanks for your answers...and I do have young kids who live with me so I took a big chance and will NEVER do that again. I was just too trusting, they are SO charming and sweep you off your feet at first, but i've learned! Even with online dating, how much can you really believe from an ad? I guess I could go on an internet site for background checks, I just have no clue.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 05:59 PM   #9
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jessejomomma HB User
Re: New relationships how to make sure?

Okay, it is good that you realize that you had made mistakes and needed to check out the guys first. That is always good to learn from mistakes. The only reason you need a background check is that you are impatient to find the right guy, or perhaps you are trying to find a father for your children? I tried to find a father for my child, and finally I decided that I wasn't going to look anymore. I wouldn't show interest, because I wanted to concentrate on raising my daughter the best that I could. And this man at my apartment complex started coming over and hanging out. He also fixed my computer. He then became my boyfriend and now we are married. Stop looking for someone. You will just be disappointed. Concentrate on keeping yourself and your children happy, and just have guy friends. if you know them long enough, their true colors have to come through. I mean, how long could you keep up lying to a partner? And some other advice: STOP LETTING THEM MOVE IN! that is extremely dangerous for you and your children if you dont know them. Good luck with everything, and I hope that you find a good guy.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 04:36 PM   #10
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Diamond141 HB User
Re: New relationships how to make sure?

Hello again,
I'm not interested in doing a back ground check to hurry up and find a new guy, (i'm looking forward to some time alone!) and i'm not looking for a father for my kids. (they have a very involved one). Although i'd like someone to be in their lives. I just want to be prepared for the next time when it happens.

 
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