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Old 12-29-2005, 12:49 PM   #1
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kalbc311 HB User
her was her response

ok, just looking for some feed back.. i had posted earlier about my situation.. i followed some advice and wrote her an email saying how i felt and asking for just a little response as i was not trying to push things.. here was her response... comments and feedback is apreciated...

Im sorry if you are hurt about the whole new years thing. Believe me, that
is not my intention. I really am trying to work everything out. I've spent a
long time being hurt and angry at you (thats not to make you feel bad, that
is just the truth). I know that everything isnt your fault and I'm just as
much to blame and over the last year and half I getting better at it. But I
spent a good part of a year in deep despair (I don't want to say depressed
b/c I'm not sure that was it even though looking back I probably could have
used the drugs) and I felt like you didnt even notice or care. I've also
developed a major insecurity problem and I'm not sure how to shake that. I
really am trying. So it confuses me when you say that you love me or want to
be with me or that you want kids....all things you weren't interested in
before. I know you have changed and grown up some, but you have to see where
my confusion lies. I'm stubborn; Its hard for me to forget. I know I owe you
more of an answer but please don't press me today. What I just wrote was
very hard for me and I don't want to talk about it more today. I've kept a
lot of feeling and anxieties bottled up for the last couple of years. sorry.



what do you guys think? back off and give her more time or keep pushing

 
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Old 12-29-2005, 12:58 PM   #2
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Re: her was her response

Quote:
Originally Posted by kalbc311
what do you guys think? back off and give her more time or keep pushing
Yes, back off. The only think you will be doing by pushing her is pushing her further away. When my bf broke up with me, I wrote him a long letter, pouring my heart out to him. I didn't receive any response from him so a week or so later I sent an email. I finally got a reply from him and it wasn't the answer I wanted to hear. I think it's a good sign that she replied to you so quickly. Give her some time. I know it's hard but give her space.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 01:00 PM   #3
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Destea HB User
Re: her was her response

Back off for now, it sounds like she's let out as much as she can at the time being.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 01:17 PM   #4
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Re: her was her response

I think you are pushing the wrong issue is what the problem is.
If you know all she's gone thru, and her mixed up feelings she's still dealing with, why not try just simply being there for her. You'd be amazed at how much quicker she will come around.
Quit all this talk about getting back together.
Quit telling her you care - start SHOWING her. It's the little things that are gonna help you most.
Ask her what she is feeling so anxious/depressed about. Ask her what you can do for her. NOT what can you do to get her back, but what can you do to help her feel better, as that is what you most want for her.
Push to be there for her, not to get back together.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 01:22 PM   #5
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Re: her was her response

i agree with lost!!! be there for her!!! the more you show how you feel and the more you show her your not going anywhere and that you really have grown up and changed the eaiser it will be for her to forget her insecurities and know that you mean it!!!

 
Old 12-29-2005, 01:49 PM   #6
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kalbc311 HB User
Re: her was her response

well it is just that there is this other guy she keeps hanging out with who i know she is inerested in.. seems like if i lay back she will end up with him

 
Old 12-29-2005, 02:21 PM   #7
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cookiepls HB User
Re: her was her response

Quote:
Originally Posted by kalbc311
well it is just that there is this other guy she keeps hanging out with who i know she is inerested in.. seems like if i lay back she will end up with him
Sure, if you lay back, she could end up with him. If you pressure her, she could end up with him too. However, if you're there for her in whatever capacity she needs you, you've increased your odds that she'll end up with you. You're telling her "in words" that you've changed. Let your actions back up your words, that's really the best thing you can do.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 04:35 PM   #8
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Re: her was her response

It's a hard one. On one hand, she is telling you that although you SAY things have changed, it's hard for her to believe because she has heard it all before probably. But she is also saying not to push her... soooooooo.....

You know, and it's just my opinion and I know I've said it before, but I'd put a ring on the table, tell her that you are there for her always and want to make the relationship right and tell her she can take as much time as she likes in deciding whether to accept the ring or not, but that you just had to do it to show her that you are serious this time. And in that time, show her you care and how things will be and that you care about how she feels. It's a risk, yes. But I know that I've been in a similar position and I know how I'd want it to be fixed. I just think she's dropping the big hints and no one is taking any notice...

She's saying she doesn't want to give in and give it another go because she doesn't believe that you REALLY want to commit. She's testing you...
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Old 12-29-2005, 06:03 PM   #9
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Re: her was her response

I agree with Storm. Get moving on the ring. This new guy is nobody to her, compared to how she feels about you. You already wasted a day.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 06:11 PM   #10
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kalbc311 HB User
Re: her was her response

muzic is pretty set on a proposal sounds like? to me that just seems like the ultimate "push" but i do like the way Storm said how i should phrase it..

 
Old 12-29-2005, 06:15 PM   #11
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Re: her was her response

I think a proposal right now, would be the ultimate push, also.
But then, I'm not marriage minded, so maybe my opinion means nothing.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 06:22 PM   #12
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Re: her was her response

She waited 7 years for you to say it. If she wasn"t still in love with you, she would have left. I meant, propose the way Storm said. It leaves the answer in her court. I think you should try to do it by N.Y. Eve. You probably won"t get an answer that night. You will have her attention though.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 07:12 PM   #13
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Re: her was her response

You know it's a huge risk to propose, but to do nothing... well you risk losing her, which is an even bigger risk.

She doesn't have to answer you today, or tommorrow, or next week - just whenever she feels she can (but I don't think she'll wait that long). I mean, to actually SHOW her that you are prepared to take such a risk for her and that you really do mean to commit to her, but are letting her know that she can have all the time in the world to think about it and answer you? Well I know that I wouldn't have to think about it for so long. Especially if I still loved that person... which, I can't say for sure, but I can't understand why she would still be there or why she would still be angry with you if she didn't have any feelings... right?

Only you can make that decision. And truthfully, no one can know how it will turn out. I'm just speaking from a similar experience. The things she said in her email to you... I can relate to. A proposal (if she were to accept), does not of course automatically mean all your issues will be resolved, but it will give her the confidence to know that she is able to work them through with you, and yours with her. It will show her your true intentions, which I feel that she is looking for.

And a proposal from someone she has known and loved for a long time, compared to a 'friend' she has just met and although probably exciting to meet someone new you don't quite know much about them or how things would turn out? Well the answer would be easy for me. Maybe I'm just weird though???
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Old 01-01-2006, 03:19 PM   #14
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Re: her was her response

Soooooo, what's the latest? How did New Years go? Did she spend it with the other guy? And what is going on between you two at the moment?

Sorry for all the questions... but I'd really love to see how this one turns out???
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Old 01-03-2006, 10:25 AM   #15
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kalbc311 HB User
Re: her was her response

hey Storm, sorry for the delay. She did go to this other guys house on New Years Eve and was there till like 3 in the morning. It was just the two of them and his daughter. She has once agin assured me that they are just friends and there is nothing more too it. She said he asked her before anyone else and thats why she went. When she got home I was still awake and let her know i was not happy about it. She said they just watched movies and that was it and didnt drink or even see the ball drop. last night we were hanging out and things were going very well and then I told her i was still ****** about new years and it was hard for me to not thinka bout that while we were hanging out. Ofcourse she got really mad and freaked out and said she doesnt want to have the conversation again because she just needs time. She keeps saying she has to decide if she wants to put her feelings back out there cause she doesnt want to get them hurt. At this point I am not sure what to do. I still feel like a proposal would **** her off more than help. To be honest I am starting to feel like a fool and am getting tired of this whole "figuring out thing". I mean a week or so is one thing but this has been like almost 2 months. i really have to think someone would have to know by now. I just feel like even if now she decided to be with me I would always be insecure because i would worry she may have doubts. Just seems like the whole thing is going down the toilet and either way it oes wont be a happy ending. I don't know, maybe I am just burnt out. What do you think Storm? How was your New Years?

 
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