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Old 12-29-2005, 03:15 PM   #1
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Lightbulb Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

The simple question on this site is why do many married women or women in a serious relationship today seem to have a need for a "guy friend" in their lives. Also, why when talking about these guy friends, do these women tend to display an utmost propensity for defending that relationship even if it means the end of their platonic one? Let's get some feedback on this, is it ok for a woman to have a guyfriend? Can they handle it or is it just a cover for something far darker?

 
Old 12-29-2005, 03:26 PM   #2
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

I have had my guy friend .. lets call him .. Bob. Bob has been my best friend sinice I was about 13. He is a brother in my eyes. I have never seen him a romantic light AT ALL. He feels the same way about me and defends me like family.

I know that sometimes things change .. but in my case .. my friend Bob ... is just that .. a friend .. my bestfriend .. and I would never want to see him naked .. I think I would be sick to my stomach!
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Old 12-29-2005, 03:31 PM   #3
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

See, and to an extent as long as this guy friend is extremely unattractive I can believe your side of the story of not finding him attractive. Yet I struggle with his side of this friendship. You see, unless the man is true religious fanatic with titanium moral's, his view on your relationship is probably one of different proportions. Most men may be aquaintances, but by no means allow for a female friend to develop unless there is some hidden or blatant desire for that person.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 03:33 PM   #4
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

Well Bob is considered hot by some people. I think he is a good looking guy .. but I think my biological brother is a good looking guy too .... they are both the same in my eyes.

I do not beleive that men and women can't be just friends. I like to think that men can think with more than their .. little friend.
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Old 12-29-2005, 04:11 PM   #5
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

Well, don't YOU have any male friends? Guys you grew up with, went to high school or college with? What's so strange/abnormal about it?? I don't understand that sort of rigid thinking. I keep in ocassional touch with some guys I went to school with, although nothing too close. Mostly just exchanging holiday greetings and such and updating one another about our lives. When one of them was getting married, I went to his wedding and had a great time. I had no desire to date any of them, btw.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 05:31 PM   #6
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

I think that it's even unhealthy to your love relationship if you don't have a guy friend. These are two different separate relationships...
Unless the woman tries to provoke her partner with her friend, it is not only legitimate but also absolutelly necessary. to have friends of ANY sexes..see it all depends on the level of the woman's maturity and her way of presenting it to her serious bf/husband.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 05:42 PM   #7
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

I have guy friends, and I have been married for three months. Out of respect to my husband, I don't allow myself to be alone with a male, friend or otherwise. My husband on the other hand has a few female friends and he is alone with them often, which bothers me. It isn't a matter of trust, it is a matter of respect and love for the partner. Of course it is okay for a female to be friends with a male if they are in a relationship, marriage or otherwise, just as it is alright for a male to have female friends. But care should be taken that one partner is always respectful to the feelings of the other.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 05:50 PM   #8
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

It's OK in my eyes to have friends of the opposite sex when in a relationship as long as they were your friend before the relationship had begun.

If they met the person after, than I'd have a serious problem.

Also, it is possible for a guy to have a female friend without having any motives besides friendship in mind
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Old 12-29-2005, 06:07 PM   #9
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

I tend to look at the actions of the friend more than the timing of the friendship.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 07:00 PM   #10
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

I knew a guy, who said his wife would be upset when he occasionally went out to eat with a female friend. I would be, too. To me, that's a date.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 07:03 PM   #11
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

The key her is to find a partner, who has the same thinking as one"s self, about this issue.

Last edited by muzicman66; 12-29-2005 at 07:03 PM.

 
Old 12-29-2005, 07:36 PM   #12
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

Quote:
Originally Posted by muzicman66
The key her is to find a partner, who has the same thinking as one"s self, about this issue.
Totally agree... otherwise a couple will never see eye to eye or understand the other's point of view.

I think it's possible to have friends of opposite sex and not have any darker implications. I don't spend any special time with them, or have lunch exclusively with them or anything, cause I know that I wouldn't like that either, nor would their partners. Most of my male friends are work colleagues I have known for years, so I don't socialise with them or anything. It's actually good because sometimes they can give you valuable insight into the male species, to gain a better understanding when for the life of me I can't figure men out!!! I only have male friends that can respect that I have a partner and have respect for their own partner as well. I find nothing more appealing in a male friend than one who absolutely adores his wife/gf... I really admire them for that. If not, we can't be friends.

In saying that though, I hate my bf to have female friends. Although I try not to let it upset me unless I see or hear something that I feel may be overstepping the mark. I guess I am upset because I KNOW that I don't have any secret desires for my male friends... it's just that, friends. But I don't know what goes on in my bf's head, I just have to trust that his intentions are the same. It's not always easy to do though.
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Old 12-30-2005, 12:11 PM   #13
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hangin in There
I knew a guy, who said his wife would be upset when he occasionally went out to eat with a female friend. I would be, too. To me, that's a date.
wow! then i've had several dates this week alone... when i went out to lunch with a guy i work with... when i ate dinner with a male friend i've had for years.

what makes that a date? two people of the opposite sex? the fact that there's food involved? come on. that's a little ridiculous.

 
Old 12-30-2005, 02:13 PM   #14
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

I hate to add even more confusion to this topic but it is getting a bit sillly. Lunch or just hanging out with a member of the opposite sex qualifies as a date? What if you are bi sexual, does that mean you can ONLY go out in groups? I've had a best friend that's a guy for many many years, and it has never caused problems in any of my relationships. He's extremely close to me and I make sure I introduce him and be upfront about our friendship to whoever I'm involved with. I think problems arise when there is jealousy or secrecy issues involved. As long as you're completely open about everything I really don't see where a problem should arise.
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Old 12-30-2005, 02:43 PM   #15
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Re: Say No 2 Women and Guy Friends!

As a single male with several female friends, I think it's ridiculous to expect your significant other to not have friends of the opposite gender. This is the 21st century. Men and women work together, they're even partners in business ventures, but you're telling me they can't be friends? I think if you have a problem with your significant other having a friend of the opposite gender, deep down that just means you don't trust your partner. It does not disrespect you if he chooses to be friends with a woman. A person should be free to choose their friends. How would you feel if your partner told you who you could and could not be friends with? If there's someone I want to be friends with and they want to be friends with me, I'm not going to penalize them because of their gender and if my partner truly trusts me, she won't have an issue with it. I'll even go a step further and say that it's healthy for a man to have at least one female friend. Why? Because a man can learn a lot from a woman. Us men have been accused of not having a clue how women think, of being poor communicators, and of being insensitive. Well how can we improve if you tell us we can only be friends with men? One of the benefits of having a female friend is that I can be more open about how I'm feeling. I can tell them things that I would never tell my guy friends. I've also learned a lot from my female friends about what women really want from a guy. Sure a good number of those friendships turned into something more than friendship, but it's not like I chose to be friends with someone because I thought there might be the potential for something more. I have two friends at work and both are women. One is married and the other has a boyfriend, but even if both were single, I would have absolutely no interest in them. But I think having female friends has made me a better person and opened my eyes to a lot of things. I'm sure my next relationship will be better as a result. And I think one advantage for women in having a male friend is that you'll have at least one friend that you don't feel like your competing against. You won't have to worry about whether he looks better than you or any of that stuff.

And whoever called her male friend Bob, I had to laugh because for a moment, I thought you meant B.O.B.

 
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