I'm not sure if this is the right section to post this in..but I feel very selfish when It comes to relationships...I always seem to complain about wanting a good boyfriend, but 2 of my friends (who are boys) tell me that they are in love with me, but I just seem to ignore that and seem satisfied with just 'hooking up' with other boys...but really I am not satisfied..at the moment I am of course, but afterwards I feel so empty, like there is nothing left to love. I know I could have it so much better, I am just not sure why I seem to not want it? No one has to reply to this, I just felt I should get that off my chest...
Hon, if you are still a teenager then the last thing you need to be thinking about is settling down with any guy. This is the time to be thinking about your career goals, life plans, etc.
Of course you want to test the waters with different guys, so that you can figure out just what you are looking for once you do decide to have a steady boyfriend. But just "hooking up" with different guys (I really hope you don't mean actually having sex) will of course leave you feeling empty because you are trying to establish a physical connection without first having an emotional one. It creates all kinds of messy emotions that you certainly don't need.
I really don't think that you are ready for any kind of relationship. Dating and hanging out with different guys to get a feel for what you like might be good, you just don't have to be getting intimate with them.
Amen, Gypsy. Danah, just because you don't feel anything for these two particular young men who are in love with you doesn't mean that you dont' want a relationship. Jsut because someone loves you or is "into" you doesn't obligate you to fall in love with them in return. The fact that you feel "empty and unsatisfied" after "hooking up" with guys you have no emotional connection with makes me believe you do want something more substantial and long term, just not with the two guys who are currently offering it. But I hope you know that it's ok to not be "hooking up" with anyone at this stage of your life. You don't have to be having sex, or seriously dating, or hooking up with anyone. You just havne't met the right guy yet, and it's perfectly ok to just be your own best friend and be good company to yourself until you do. Gypsy's right, now's the time to concentrate on getting your future in gear, pick a college, a course of study, short and long term career goals. These are the things that don't fall into place so easily. When you're 19, 20, and well on your way to becoming who you want to be, then you will be in a better position to be thinking about more serious relationships. One last thing, I really dont' want to sound like a prude, but if you feel empty after "hooking up" with random guys, please listen to that feeling. That's your heart trying to tell you something, I think. You know you want more, you deserve more, so don't settle for less just because the more isn't right in front of you right this moment. Really great things are worth waiting for, but if you're busy settling for less, you may miss it.
The teenage years are always a cloud of gloom, doom, and depair, that eventually works itself out one way or another. There is no reason to be so harsh and judgemental of yourself, just because you have a multitude of options, but are indecisive about choosing only one option. Actually, that is a great way of thinking, since an impulsive decision often is not the proper way to go about things. Hang in there, it only gets eaier from here. For another thing, stay out of a permanent relationship becuase I feel you aren't quite at that stage of your life right now. Relax and be a teenager, time goes by faster than you think.
Thank you very much for all your advice, and I agree with both of you. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed by my friends and peers, then I seem to forget who I really am. I don't need to live up to how they think teens should live thier lives i.e. falling in love so soon, sexual expectations etc. Thank you for giving me some advice, it is always greatly appreicated!!