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Old 12-30-2005, 07:54 PM   #1
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mada_3083 HB User
initial contact

ok ok so i'm socially inept. i can socialise with people once we build up some background, BUT i really struggle in the first contact or two... i.e. if you get a message from someone off an internet dating site,saying they'd like to get to know me... i don't know how to reply to that... how to get the conversation started. that's just an example, i struggle in real life situations too...

any pointers on what i can open with. once both of us have shared some info about ourselves, i'm all good... it's just making that initial conversation.

 
Old 12-31-2005, 01:29 PM   #2
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Musical_Muse HB User
Re: initial contact

Mada,

This may sound silly to you, but the best, most effective way to break the ice in this type of situation is to admit that you are, indeed, nervous . Tell the other person that you tend to get tongue tied, but you would really like to get to know them. This kind of honesty is so refreshing, as most people become a little nervous during first encounters: you aren't alone .

So, just relax, smile, laugh, and have a good time...

~Colleen

 
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Old 12-31-2005, 03:25 PM   #3
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: initial contact

Quote:
Originally Posted by Musical_Muse
This may sound silly to you, but the best, most effective way to break the ice in this type of situation is to admit that you are, indeed, nervous . Tell the other person that you tend to get tongue tied, but you would really like to get to know them. This kind of honesty is so refreshing, as most people become a little nervous during first encounters: you aren't alone
Good advice.

 
Old 01-01-2006, 05:07 AM   #4
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: initial contact

Quote:
Originally Posted by Musical_Muse
Mada,

This may sound silly to you, but the best, most effective way to break the ice in this type of situation is to admit that you are, indeed, nervous . Tell the other person that you tend to get tongue tied, but you would really like to get to know them. This kind of honesty is so refreshing, as most people become a little nervous during first encounters: you aren't alone .

So, just relax, smile, laugh, and have a good time...

~Colleen
thanks for that advice. i'll definately consider it, the other thing i was wondering about is how to actually get to know the person without it sounding like a job interview

thanks again

 
Old 01-01-2006, 10:25 AM   #5
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Musical_Muse HB User
Re: initial contact

Mada,

Getting to know people talkes time. Inviting someone to a movie or to lunch is a great first step, as this will allow you to see the person in a more natural, relaxed environment.

Don't worry about asking a lot of questions at first...just go with the flow of the conversation. I'm sure that you have good judgement, and will at least screen to make sure the person isn't a serial killer . Hey, even if you find that you aren't a match, at least you will have had a nice time with another person and have grown as a person, yourself, from the experience.

Some of my coworkers have been trying to set me up with their guy friends. I tell them how much I appreciate their sweetness, but I also make sure to add that if he and I don't hit it off, at least I will have made a friend . I think that's how you need to approach it. See it as simply making another friend . This tends to help me to relax in these situations, anyway.

Interestingly, I have dated about five guys in my life, and most I am still friends with. In fact, I have made plans to get together with one of them next weekend. He, his girlfriend, and I went to the park a few months ago, I really liked it, and I thought it would be a fun thing to do again. He loved the idea, has told me how he has been doing, and we should all be meeting next weekend to talk, walk, and goof around

~Colleen

Last edited by Musical_Muse; 01-01-2006 at 10:34 AM.

 
Old 01-01-2006, 12:23 PM   #6
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Posts: 777
OutToLunch HB User
Re: initial contact

Quote:
Originally Posted by mada_3083
ok ok so i'm socially inept. i can socialise with people once we build up some background, BUT i really struggle in the first contact or two... i.e. if you get a message from someone off an internet dating site,saying they'd like to get to know me... i don't know how to reply to that... how to get the conversation started. that's just an example, i struggle in real life situations too...

any pointers on what i can open with. once both of us have shared some info about ourselves, i'm all good... it's just making that initial conversation.
I would start with their profile and see if they've said something about themselves that you could build on. If you get a message from someone on an internet dating site, consider yourself lucky. Online dating is like any other dating in that men are expected to make the first contact. So if a person contacts you, they're definitely interested. So comb through their profile to find something that they sound passionate about or maybe you both have a shared interest. Most people love to talk about themselves and if you show interest in learning about them or talking about something that interests them, they'll start to like you more.

 
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