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Old 12-31-2005, 12:44 PM   #1
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restlessmind184 HB User
Should I stay in the relationship...PLEASE HELP!

To make a long story short, I have been with this woman for about a year now. Yes, we've had our ups and downs, and it would be accurate to say our relationship has always been filled with stress, right from the very beginning. There are always extraneous variables that cause stress or conflict with us. Recently, her father passed away and soon she will probably be moving hundreds of miles away from me. For the last four months or so, our relationship has been very tenuous. Being hundreds of miles away won't make it any easier. One of the main problems with me is that I'm afraid of her true feelings for me and if she's as committed as she really says she is. She's the type of person that has been guarded with me from day one. Yes, she's opened up, but there are always ways that she cuts me off. Whether it be her not wanting me to see her, or do something I would like to be there for, her hanging up on me if we get into a fight on the phone, etc. Basically, she temporarily cuts me out of her life at her convenience. Now, I'm not saying all of the blame is on her. The problem lies in that this past year I have given her every part of my being and she has become the center of my life. She is the number one priority in my life. I'm just afraid that it isn't quite that way with her. Sometimes I feel that if I don't fit into her scheduling or what she wants I am cast away like a stone. I feel second rate to her. I feel like I'm in her shadow and there's only light on me when she feels it neccesary to acknowledge me. With her moving away, it certainly won't make it any easier. I've been there before, and she can cut me out of her life even easier. How can I approach her to make sure her feelings and commitment is genuine, and if so, how can I approach her and tell her that I am being tired of being treated like the red headed step child. Thanks for any input that anyone has. It will be greatly appreciated.

 
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Old 12-31-2005, 01:24 PM   #2
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jessejomomma HB User
Re: Should I stay in the relationship...PLEASE HELP!

No one should be treated that way. My advice would be to do your own thing. If you eventually got married, would you be able to handle that behavior and disrespect from your wife? I know that it is hard, but you need to back off from her, and if she all of sudden "needs" you, then don't go to her. Be honest with her and tell her how you are feeling about the whole thing. Don't say what you think she would want to hear, just be honest. If she doesn't treat you how a human should be treated, GET OUT!!! If you stay with that kind of treatment, you will be hurt very badly, if not already. Good luck.

 
Old 12-31-2005, 01:29 PM   #3
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Hiya HB User
Re: Should I stay in the relationship...PLEASE HELP!

Has she always been a bit distant, or is this a new thing? Perhaps she senses you've made her the center of your world and that makes her nervous. We all admire someone who has their own thing going on in life, it's a delicate balance, and one that has confused me more than once, the balance between loving someone so much, and making the relationship a priority without making that person the center of your whole universe. Perhaps her mvoing away will be a blessing in disguise. It with either give her a chance to miss you, which it doesn't sound like she has now, or it will make it clear to both of you that maybe, just maybe, the relationships has played itself out. All you can do is let her know you love her and will be there for her, and give her the space she seems to be craving right now. Good luck to you.

 
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