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Old 01-01-2006, 11:10 AM   #1
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steakie46 HB User
Finding new love after a heartbreak?

Yes, another one. i was wondering if anyone could share any stories of a break up that broke their hearts, but you ended up finding more happiness with someone else. i just broke up with my boyfriend and any stories of real people will be therapeutic. How long before you met the new guy? How hard was it to forget the old guy? and everything in between? Thanks

I am asking this because I read someone say that sometimes it makes you feel better when you hear stories of people who broke up and then found someone new that they adored/loved more than the old one.

 
Old 01-01-2006, 04:42 PM   #2
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Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

Every time I have broken up with a guy I have usually found more happiness with the next one (well, at first). With my last ex, I had never been in a long-term relationship before, and he really grew on me (well, like a fungus). Since I was with him so long I could not imagine living without him, even if he made me miserable. That was when I was younger and considerably more melodramatic and intense.

I met my current boyfriend almost two years ago and I never regretted leaving my ex behind. It was still a little tough for awhile. I'd always expect to see his car driving up and stuff like that. But I will never miss the abject misery. Of course now I have a new kind of misery with my current boyfriend, so. It seems like with break-ups we always focus on the good things. Don't do that. Focus on the bad and remind yourself daily why you aren't with him anymore.

I have to admit that I am really wary of relationships, even though I always seem to be in one. I don't have much fait in "love" and like my relationships to be more practical and means-to-an-end. It seems to me like you are chomping at the bit to find someone to love and adore. But here is an idea - why don't you focus all of that loving energy on yourself? I wouldn't worry so much about finding a new guy. Take yourself out, spoil yourself...learn to have a blast on your own. Yeah, it is nice sometimes to have a partner to do things with. But you most certainly don't need a guy in order to find happiness in your life. Spend more time with your friends, or else widen your social circle.

Here is why I say this. You really need to have all of your other ducks in a row before you add a serious relationship. You have to have your career, your friends, your goals, your hobbies, all set up. Then when you find a partner, they know who you are and where exactly they are going to fit into your life. But if you go looking for the relationship before anything else, then you will just get tangled up in your boyfriend's life, and you'll start confusing the things that make him happy and thinking they SHOULD make you happy, even if they don't. I'm talking from experience. I thought my current boyfriend was the cat's meow when I met him and thought he would make me happy just because of who he was. But I have only found myself folded into his life. At the time I didn't really know what I wanted from life. And now that I'm getting a better picture I unfortunately don't see him in it, even though he wants to get married. Er.

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you do have a great career (or, if you aren't an adult yet, you know what you plan to do), you have a good circle of friends, you have hobbies that you love and you know what makes you happy. Maybe the only thing missing is a boyfriend. Well, that is different then. But it just seems like you equate happiness with finding the right boyfriend. You have to find yourself first, find your own happiness, and then you'll be able to find someone who will fit into your life. Good luck

 
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Old 01-01-2006, 05:15 PM   #3
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Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

Look at my topic i just posted. I broke up with my fiancee after 3 years cos he cheated. On friday night i kissed the first guy since the break up and it was sooo good. i thought i'd never get over him but u will.

 
Old 01-01-2006, 05:26 PM   #4
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Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

I agree with both the above that at this point you really need to worry about you for a while.
Last May I broke up with a man that I thought I was going to be with for a long time. I thought we were good together and all the such. Well, I didn't at first but then I had to remind myself of all the things that didn't work so I could move forward. One day it just made since that it was time to concentrate on me and what I wanted for a change. I already had a great job and a house but I wasn't 100% happy with me. So I slowly started doing things I wanted and doing a lot of soul searching and realizing that I wasn't going to be the perfect weight 24/7/365, and that I may not be perfect but I am who I am for a reason.
This past November a guy asked me to lunch of whom I have known for about a year and do business with through work. I didn't think anything about it. Went and had good time and we went to lunch again. One of my good friends/coworkers had to point out to me that it was obvious that he likes me. I slowly began to see it and we ended up going on our first "after work" date last week and we both had a fabulous time. I wasn't really looking for this it just kinda happened. He asked to see me again and I said yes. This guy now is something I have dreamed of since I was a little girl and just hope it lasts for a long time to come.
It took about 7 months but during that time I progressed a bit faster than after my frist breakup.
Just concentrate on you...get all your things in line and leave this other guy behind. There will be better ones. But be 100% happy with you and the decisions you make and I promise you someone wondreful will come along.
And of course we are here if you need us!! What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger!!
Also....everything happens for a reason...we just may not know why at this point...

 
Old 01-01-2006, 11:12 PM   #5
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Nina000 HB User
Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

Steakie, I think that I agree with Gypsy...
I also broke with my Bf 3 years ago, and found happiness in the beginning with my new guy, but you never should invest 100% emotionally..It is easier said than done. I wish I could find a way of not giving 100%, but if I don't then I am missing out a lot.
I had this awful and inescapable pain of breaking up with my ex, it was so hard to overcome the gap he left in my life, I would cry like mad until I get tired. Sometimes, I felt sorely desperate for a hug from him, for reassurance. I wanted to talk to him like I used to do, I wanted him to show me all the interest he did in our best times, I felt like he died.....and I went through an awful lot of pain grieving his loss
I suffered a lot with him and yet our break-up was far from easy, but it was inevitable. I moved miles away and the physical distance made it unbearable.

I am trying to make myself happy with my new BF, whom I met in England when all I wanted was to do a PhD, but I met him and I wasn't looking for love then. I was trying to rely on more solid things than men and their love, but I fell in love with him.

 
Old 01-01-2006, 11:27 PM   #6
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chevyman HB User
Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

hi,
if you love the guy you will never get over him completely...if you don't love him then it won't be so hard...there really is no in betweens/only death but then you live with the love and the memories.

 
Old 01-02-2006, 07:35 AM   #7
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

Hi, Steakie

I had my heart broken when I was 18. My first love was a musician, totally hot, all the girls wanted him, sort of a "bad boy", which attracted me at first. The first year was great, then it started going downhill. I was crying all the time, we were breaking up and getting back together all the time. I finally found out he was sleeping with other women and that was just the final straw for me.

Like the other posters suggested to you, I decided no more dating! Time for me. I managed a shoe store, and a lot of my friends were colleagues who were gay guys. I felt so secure hanging out with my gay buddies in gay bars. No one ever hit on me, lol, and I could dance the nights away with no worries and just have tons of fun.

Well, my best gay buddy told me after a month or so that one of his salespeople had a crush on me and wanted to ask me out, but was very shy and knew I'd just gotten over a rough relationship. I was a little hesitant, but I thought, well, it's just a date or two. Couldn't hurt, right?

We went out, and he was the sweetest and most sensitive guy I'd ever met. We laughed all the time and became so close, had so much fun together. That was 14 years ago. We married in '98, after dating and living together since '91. He's sweeter and more considerate with each passing day. I honestly think he wakes up every morning and says to himself, "What can I do today to help brighten someone else's day?"

In hindsight, I'm so grateful for my ex doing what he did. My soul mate was right around the corner, and I never knew it because I was wasting my time with someone who made me feel bad all the time.

HTH

Lysne

 
Old 01-02-2006, 09:18 AM   #8
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eve40 HB User
Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

Quote:
Originally Posted by StenoLady1
Hi, Steakie

I had my heart broken when I was 18. My first love was a musician, totally hot, all the girls wanted him, sort of a "bad boy", which attracted me at first. The first year was great, then it started going downhill. I was crying all the time, we were breaking up and getting back together all the time. I finally found out he was sleeping with other women and that was just the final straw for me.

Like the other posters suggested to you, I decided no more dating! Time for me. I managed a shoe store, and a lot of my friends were colleagues who were gay guys. I felt so secure hanging out with my gay buddies in gay bars. No one ever hit on me, lol, and I could dance the nights away with no worries and just have tons of fun.

Well, my best gay buddy told me after a month or so that one of his salespeople had a crush on me and wanted to ask me out, but was very shy and knew I'd just gotten over a rough relationship. I was a little hesitant, but I thought, well, it's just a date or two. Couldn't hurt, right?

We went out, and he was the sweetest and most sensitive guy I'd ever met. We laughed all the time and became so close, had so much fun together. That was 14 years ago. We married in '98, after dating and living together since '91. He's sweeter and more considerate with each passing day. I honestly think he wakes up every morning and says to himself, "What can I do today to help brighten someone else's day?"

In hindsight, I'm so grateful for my ex doing what he did. My soul mate was right around the corner, and I never knew it because I was wasting my time with someone who made me feel bad all the time.

HTH

Lysne
That is a beautiful story.

 
Old 01-02-2006, 10:23 AM   #9
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

I dated my last boyfriend for 2 1/2 yrs - we were talking about where to go for the honeymoon.
Then his ex-girlfriend (who dumped HIM 3 yrs earlier) called him I found out later - and he called her back & started seeing her on the sly.
I KNEW something was going on behind my back (trust your instincts) and confronted him. He said he felt he "loved her more".

Short story was that I cried for two weeks straight and then decided that I was just FINE without him - or anyone. I had a job that paid the bills, and I was just FINE on my own.

About six months later I broke down and got a cat - something to say hello to when I came home from work.
2 weeks after that, I met Mr. Ruth.
10 months after that we did the walk down the aisle.
16 yrs later I am married to my best friend, a really good man, even if he's not home enough!

Also, the way I met him was odd. We both knew the same guy for 5 yrs - who just isn't in the "fixing people up mode". A new restaurant was opening up near me and the mutual friend called to see if I wanted to go along with the two of them for supper.
I had had plans for that evening - but they got broken just hours before my friend called. And I usually turned down stuff like the dinner - such a homebody!

Sometimes the fates just kind of fall into place - if you're paying attention.

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 01-02-2006 at 10:25 AM.

 
Old 01-02-2006, 05:55 PM   #10
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Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
I dated my last boyfriend for 2 1/2 yrs - we were talking about where to go for the honeymoon.
Then his ex-girlfriend (who dumped HIM 3 yrs earlier) called him I found out later - and he called her back & started seeing her on the sly.
I KNEW something was going on behind my back (trust your instincts) and confronted him. He said he felt he "loved her more".

Short story was that I cried for two weeks straight and then decided that I was just FINE without him - or anyone. I had a job that paid the bills, and I was just FINE on my own.

About six months later I broke down and got a cat - something to say hello to when I came home from work.
2 weeks after that, I met Mr. Ruth.
10 months after that we did the walk down the aisle.
16 yrs later I am married to my best friend, a really good man, even if he's not home enough!

Also, the way I met him was odd. We both knew the same guy for 5 yrs - who just isn't in the "fixing people up mode". A new restaurant was opening up near me and the mutual friend called to see if I wanted to go along with the two of them for supper.
I had had plans for that evening - but they got broken just hours before my friend called. And I usually turned down stuff like the dinner - such a homebody!

Sometimes the fates just kind of fall into place - if you're paying attention.

Ruth, I never get tired of reading how you met Mr. Ruth! Your sweet love story always warms my heart and brings a smile to my face ! I hope one day I will have a sweet story of my own to tell. Thanks so much for sharing it with us .

And Steakie, my heart goes out to you. I hope that some of the above stories will help, like you hoped, and I will be sending good thoughts and warm wishes your way!

 
Old 01-02-2006, 10:58 PM   #11
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Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

I had my heart badly broken about 4 years ago. We were together for several years, lived together, our families met each other, etc. and then, just as all my friends were getting married, he decided he needed to be alone. It took me a long time to get over it. It wasn't like every day was misery, but more like I was just never that happy again. I dated and even got into a pretty serious relationship, but with guys who were all wrong for me. Finally, last spring, I met my boyfriend who I can honestly say makes me so much happier than anyone ever has. I'm so grateful I didn't marry my ex. He was a really nice, caring person and we had great times together, but my boyfriend now is a better match for me in every way.

 
Old 08-29-2006, 07:24 AM   #12
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Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

i was in a relationship wiv sum 1 4 5 yrs, had their son. things didnt work out so i moved out last yr and i met sum 1 really nice and im soo happy wiv him his gorgeous and treats me good. things stil *** bk n haunt ya frm past relationships n da wot ifs, but if it was meant 2 b then it would. move on

 
Old 08-29-2006, 10:33 PM   #13
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Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

I went through a really tough breakup with a guy I'd lived with for about three years back when my name was Snails, in case you're curious. I had a couple other serious relationships before that, but this was the first one that wasn't completely my decision to terminate. It was for the best, but I was nonetheless pretty heartbroken for almost a year. The best remedy for me was to keep busy with friends and also to start dating again. I met some guys online, but then about a year after my breakup with the 3 year bf, who I had met in college, I started talking again with a friend from high school whose parents had always been close friends of mine. Actually, his parents went to the same college as me, which makes us automatically close, and his dad had helped defend me in a minor battle with my high school administrators without having anything to gain from it, so I was a huge fan of his family as well as him. In fact, I admire him more than anyone else I know for his patience, precision, genius, determination, and sweetness. I've always respected both of his parents, and my new best friend/bf, much more than I respect almost anyone else. So anyway, by the beginning of the summer, I was finally starting to feel like I was totally over the breakup and that it was for the best that we split--what an amazingly liberating feeling! Especially because it seems like it will never come, then it sneaks in when you least expect it. Kind of like love, I guess. I asked my hs friend's mom how I could reach him, and from the first time I saw him against, I went straight into his arms and was treated with a gentle respect and reverence I had never experienced before, even with all the sweet and kind guys I'd been lucky enough to date. I couldn't possibly be happier with a guy than I am with my good old friend, but I had to go through the painful torment of losing someone I thought was my soulmate before I learned what real, stable, lasting happiness was all about. Anyway, hang in there! Never settle for less, because there is always someone else you can love if only you refuse to give into anything less than what you're looking for from a man.

Anyway, at the beginning of the summer, I went from being a good friend to asking my high school buddy's parents for his email, and the first time I saw him, I remembered why I had such a crazy crush on him in high school, not to mention how much he'd loved me all along. Since then we've grown pretty inseparable, and I feel like it's the most liberating, satisfying, and exhilarating relationship I've ever had. I can know that he loves me for me, because he's loved me and wanted me for a decade, and because every little move he makes shows that he is primarily thinking of my happiness and comfort. When I was with my ex, before my heart broke over him, I couldn't possibly conceive that any other man could ever make me happy, but now I can barely remember that feeling and realize how many flaws our relationship had in comparison to my arrangement with my new guy, who has been one of my very best friends since before I could drive. Believe me, love always finds you just when you least expect it! Try to enjoy life and not force it, and you'll be happier than ever before you know it...I can just tell! Good luck

Last edited by Veronica_Mars; 08-29-2006 at 10:39 PM.

 
Old 08-30-2006, 11:30 AM   #14
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Re: Finding new love after a heartbreak?

Quote:
Originally Posted by steakie46
Yes, another one. i was wondering if anyone could share any stories of a break up that broke their hearts, but you ended up finding more happiness with someone else. i just broke up with my boyfriend and any stories of real people will be therapeutic. How long before you met the new guy? How hard was it to forget the old guy? and everything in between? Thanks

I am asking this because I read someone say that sometimes it makes you feel better when you hear stories of people who broke up and then found someone new that they adored/loved more than the old one.

I was with a guy for 3 years (16 to 19). We broke up many times when we were together, but the last time (he broke up with me) My aunt called me and asked me to come live with her(which was like 16 hours away from home) I figured heck why not?

So 4 days after we broke up I took off for a new life! When I got up here I made lots of friends, dated lots of boys (the women to men ration here is mmm 9 to 1 so there is PLENTY of men here lol) anyway I was here for about a year and I one of my friends from work set me up with another guy that we worked with. So I went, and 3 months later we moved intogether and a month after that, we were engaged!

I love him more than anything, when I think back to the guy I was with for 3 years I can't believe how much garbage I put up with from him and how badly he treated me. My fiancee has showed me how a woman is supposed to be treated and just how much you can really love someone.

Don't worry, theres many fish in the sea, and since breaking up with you BF, you've just taken out one of them thats not right for you! You'll find your prince and when you do, you'll actually thank your ex for breaking up with you and making you free to find your Mr Right!

 
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