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Old 01-01-2006, 11:51 AM   #1
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Players...how to determine?

Hey guys. I have a question, what makes someone a player, what are the signs? And why do men like to toy with a womans heart and feelings? Does anyone have respect for others and can be capable of expressing it?

 
Old 01-01-2006, 12:17 PM   #2
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Re: Players...how to determine?

As a guy, I have no trouble telling which guys are the players and which are the ones you can trust. But there aren't any clear signs because the ones who are players are really good at hiding it. But it's just a feeling you get from the way the guy talks or carries himself. I just wish I knew how to explain it better, because I see women getting involved with these guys all the time and then wonder why they didn't realize it sooner. The bottom line with these men is that they get away with whatever women let them. A player is confident that if one woman figures him out, he can find another one who'll fall for his act so there's not enough incentive for him to change his ways. I will say though that men are not the only ones guilty of using people. I see women who have what I call a "Sex and the City" attitude and have no problem using men. I'm sure some will say that's good cause men are getting a taste of their own medicine. But I say it only makes things worse if women sink to the same level as men. It breeds even more mistrust between the sexes and leads to more generalizations.

 
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Old 01-01-2006, 03:28 PM   #3
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Re: Players...how to determine?

Hi cinting, how are you these days?

I guess the best way to determine if a guy is a player if you suspect it, is to think about it rationally, look at his actions (cause surely they would scream it out if you know him well enough) and take out as much emotion as possible in the process. I'm not sure what the indications are, but I would guess that they do not keep arrangements, you hear alot of excuses, he is overly confident with the ladies and a flirt, and you won't seem to really have his undivided attention... if that makes sense?

But there are guys out there who aren't players... plenty of them. So don't let past relationships convince you they are all like that!!!
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Old 01-01-2006, 04:07 PM   #4
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Re: Players...how to determine?

It's fairly simple, really, isn't it? Don't get sexually involved for the first couple of months and if the guy's still around then he probably likes you a lot (unless he has been with other girls in the mean time, which is generally easy to discover). Every woman knows intuitively whether or not a guy fancies himself more than them, surely?!
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Old 01-01-2006, 04:08 PM   #5
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Re: Players...how to determine?

It's been my observation that Players always follow the same pattern---it's calculated--a molestation of sorts. If they sense any vulnerbility (trouble w/a boyfriend, trouble with a friend, etc., etc...) they will first "play" on it to see how much the girl will open up. Once they've established the girl's trust (and interest), they take what they can get, then drop her because "the hunt", which only validated their own nervous little egos, is over. In fact, Players end up thinking that the woman was stupid for falling for their crap because they know it's crap. I'd have to say that insecurity is the driving factor....they never try the stuff on stronger, more self aware women whom they consider too hard to manage or out of their league.

 
Old 01-01-2006, 04:13 PM   #6
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Re: Players...how to determine?

Quote:
Originally Posted by OutToLunch
I see women who have what I call a "Sex and the City" attitude and have no problem using men. I'm sure some will say that's good cause men are getting a taste of their own medicine. But I say it only makes things worse if women sink to the same level as men. It breeds even more mistrust between the sexes and leads to more generalizations.
good points.. the sad thing is that these women who feel the need for payback will take it out on the guy they SHOULD have trusted..this guy in turn will develop ill feelings for women and do the same thing that was done to him. its a viscious cycle.

 
Old 01-01-2006, 04:18 PM   #7
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Re: Players...how to determine?

Uh huh, I hear ya. The only people who truly get played... are themselves.

And Vintage said it well... players only pick on those that they perceive as being weak in some sense. It's all their mentality will allow. Or otherwise they are sadly deluding themselves if they have to convince themselves they are invincible and can have any girl they want...
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Last edited by StormGirl; 01-01-2006 at 04:20 PM.

 
Old 01-01-2006, 04:25 PM   #8
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Re: Players...how to determine?

Quote:
Originally Posted by vintagegirl
I'd have to say that insecurity is the driving factor....they never try the stuff on stronger, more self aware women whom they consider too hard to manage or out of their league.
I'd say without a doubt, it's all about insecurity.
They're afraid they can't get a woman by just being themselves, so they put on their little act to make them feel better about their own selves.

 
Old 01-01-2006, 04:55 PM   #9
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Hiya HB User
Re: Players...how to determine?

It could also be that they just don't think much of women as people, but if they were honest about what they were really after, no woman in her right mind would give them the time of day.

 
Old 01-01-2006, 07:12 PM   #10
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Re: Players...how to determine?

I can tell. Here are some signs...

In general, most are overtly friendly with other women...And ALOT of them..Right infront of you too..Can only see you on certain days...Forgets to call....Forgets what you did on your last date..lol..Has way too many girls names in their phones and says there "just friends"...Is always looking at other women...

It's not hard. It's the kind of players that were mentioned above that are a bit harder: The ones that focus on you, and only you, for a short amount of time and then just drop you.

I would do research if I were you. Find out who he's friends with...If he's honest...Find out about his past relationships...Stuff like that...

 
Old 01-01-2006, 07:37 PM   #11
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Re: Players...how to determine?

Diva's right....you have to do a little detective work. Find out what his LONGEST relationship was and WHY it broke off. If you can talk to the actual ex, all the better--you'll get all the info you need to know

don't ever believe that all these girls are "friends"--they're girls he's banged and somehow convinced that something more substantial will come of lingering contact.

I actually found out someone "nice" had a sick porn fetish by finding out his his ebay user id and checking on what kind of stuff he bid on

don't sleep with anyone right away. If they are dogs they will show their true colors and move on quickly when they see you are not putting out

If you have any doubts--trust your gut. Our guts always tell us when something just isn't "quite right". We just choose to believe otherwise, ignoring that wise little voice

He shouldn't be overly "chatty" with ANY women, ANYWHERE----it's ALWAYS better if they are shy

and for your sake, I hope he's not in a "band" that believes it will make it big someday (been there, done that, wasn't pretty!!!)

Last edited by vintagegirl; 01-01-2006 at 07:44 PM.

 
Old 01-02-2006, 04:39 AM   #12
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Re: Players...how to determine?

I think it a misnomer that men alone are "players". In my observations i have run across a great many women that fit a similar description. Many men are hurt, confused, lead to believe, toyed with by "player" women. I think the cahracteristics or tell tale signs are very close for both sexes.

Last edited by Music4All; 01-02-2006 at 04:39 AM.

 
Old 01-02-2006, 06:10 AM   #13
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Re: Players...how to determine?

True, as someone else already pointed out, women can be players too. This poster asked specifically what characteristics to look for in men.

 
Old 01-02-2006, 06:42 AM   #14
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Re: Players...how to determine?

Quote:
Originally Posted by vintagegirl
It's been my observation that Players always follow the same pattern---it's calculated--a molestation of sorts. If they sense any vulnerbility (trouble w/a boyfriend, trouble with a friend, etc., etc...) they will first "play" on it to see how much the girl will open up. Once they've established the girl's trust (and interest), they take what they can get, then drop her because "the hunt", which only validated their own nervous little egos, is over. In fact, Players end up thinking that the woman was stupid for falling for their crap because they know it's crap. I'd have to say that insecurity is the driving factor....they never try the stuff on stronger, more self aware women whom they consider too hard to manage or out of their league.
This is very true, and Vintage girl also offers great advice in her later post on this thread. I think there are a lot of guys who might call me a player--at least in the past--and one of the telltale signs is definitely someone who has a ton of friends of the opposite sex. Yes, part of this may be because they get along better and seem to have more in common with the opposite gender, but I doubt there are any cases where quite a few of these "friends" are not or haven't been more than just friends. It is also true that genuine players, meaning those with absolutely no consideration for others' feelings and no interest whatsoever in developing a relationship even with someone who has everything they are looking for (I would definitely not include myself in this category but have had several guys like this as friends) confine themselves to preying on women with the kind of vulnerabilities VG describes in her post above. I used to wonder why girls who were not always so nice to guys and/or who made it clear that they would not tolerate anything but consistently respectful and kind treatment (both of which qualities are obvious about me to any guy within a few hours of meeting me) rarely have to deal with guys who act like jerks or are hardcore players, and why women who are unfailingly sweet, kind, patient, and understanding with everyone in their lives seem to often find themselves in relationships with guys who don't treat them nearly as well as such women deserve to be treated. But the more I experience and observe, the more I realize that a lot of this is attributable to the fact that men who mistreat women (especially those who lie and cheat) are generally insecure themselves and are terrified of dealing with confident, assertive women, so they go after women they perceive as easy targets.

These women may be vulnerable only at that particular time in their lives, such as right after a breakup, a move, losing a job, etc. or they may have personalities that make them vulnerable to players and jerks in that they trust easily, give everyone the benefit of the doubt, avoid conflict and confrontation, are nice and understanding with everyone they know, and tend to be reluctant to cut off any relationships, even when they sense deep down that it isn't healthy or beneficial for them to be involved with a certain person. Unfortunately, a lot of these qualities also make someone a great friend and an all around kind, good-hearted person, which is why it's so sad and unfair that such people often end up victimized by people of the opposite sex who they open up to and develop feelings for, by whom they then find themselves treated poorly or betrayed. But anyway, I think that if a woman senses that a man may be a player, the chances are quite good that her instincts are accurate, much the way women usually sense when their partners are cheating before they have any concrete reason to suspect it. So while a little spying (that ebay idea is brilliant, by the way!) like checking the dialed and received calls in a new boyfriend's cell phone can often reveal whether or not he's being a player, just the fact that a woman is wondering whether a guy might be playing her is usually also a good indicator that her suspicions are justified. Of course that's not true in all cases, especially when a woman tends to be suspicious of men in general or is being extra-cautious because she's recently been burned, but instinct is usually a good guide when it comes to this sort of thing. The indicators that StormGirl and Outtolunch mentioned are also generally smart things to look for when evaluating whether a particular guy is a player. I think it's also important to realize that only the most extreme players out there mistreat every single person with whom they become involved. There are probably a lot more people out there who sometimes act like players but who sometimes genuinely fall for, care about, and even love particular partners, who they are capable of, and often do, treat very well. Anyway, cinting, I hope that you aren't personally dealing with a guy who turns out to be a player--you deserve a lot better than that, and I hope that you soon end up with a man who treats you like a princess . Good luck and take care!

 
Old 01-02-2006, 06:44 AM   #15
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Re: Players...how to determine?

Quote:
Originally Posted by vintagegirl
This poster asked specifically what characteristics to look for in men.
Sort of....

Quote:
Originally Posted by cinting
I have a question, what makes someone a player, what are the signs?

Last edited by Music4All; 01-02-2006 at 06:45 AM.

 
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