It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-01-2006, 02:21 PM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Casa Grande, Arizona
Posts: 44
Gurl86 HB User
Unhappy A friend and her husband

My friend and her husband just recently got married and had a new baby. the problem is that she lied to her husband about something that happened in the past. And he took it pretty hard and told her that he couldn't be with someone who would lie to him. She says they are just friends now. They sleep in different beds, he doesn't tell her he loves her, he doesn't like to even sit by her. They aren't intimate in the way a husband and wife should be, especially newly weds. She has tried everything to try to get him to forgive her. She has tried talking to him, writing him letters and he just ignores her when she tries. Anyone have any new ideas she could try?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-01-2006, 03:08 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Oxford, UK
Posts: 1,155
ErimusValidus HB User
Re: A friend and her husband

I think it would help a lot if we knew what it was she had lied about. Hopefully the husband is just sore about it in the short-term and will come around eventually. Pride is probably the biggest factor.
__________________
I have spread my dreams under your feet; tread softly because you tread on my dreams...

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-01-2006, 04:22 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Australia!!
Posts: 880
StormGirl HB User
Re: A friend and her husband

He just doesn't seem ready to listen yet... simple as that. Maybe he is feeling too hurt or betrayed (not sure how serious it is though?).

I guess in the mean time she will have to show him how much he means to her through her actions... even if he doesn't respond, she needs to be persistent and patient (I mean show him without having to talk about it until he is ready to do so).
__________________
StormGirl

 
Old 01-01-2006, 05:00 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The UK
Posts: 1,315
Nina000 HB User
Re: A friend and her husband

I agree with Stormgirl...He is healing from his hurt. If he wants to give her up, he would move out, not sleep in different beds.
She should stop apologising, I guess. Because if she keeps on saying I am sorry, it's like she's acknowledging that she was very wrong!

 
Old 01-01-2006, 10:43 PM   #5
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 175
nobodytotalkto HB User
Re: A friend and her husband

Pain and trust can be very hard to overcome. I seem to hold grudges longer than I really should but sometimes I just can't help it. If your friend betrayed her husband's trust, the only thing she can do is apologize for it and let it rest. She must wait and see how he is going to respond. Obviously he hasn't moved out, so that is a good sign that he may be working on a way to forgive her. Tell her to just be there and to show him that she loves him, regardless of how distant he is. Patience can be a virtue in this case. If she pushes it, it's like a slap in the face to him each time.

 
Old 01-02-2006, 12:37 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,908
chevyman HB User
Re: A friend and her husband

I can relate to him, maybe he will come around later?
for some of us guys we take what happen in the past very serious and to get married by all means you should know everything bout each other no matter what it is... even each others past...

I got with my g/f and we were living togather for about 2 months everything seem to be just fine.... one day I came home from work and she was in another room talking to an old b/f via phone....I became furious when she told me who she was talking to...now I'm not jelous or anything but what made me mad and hurt she was doing it behind my back and even tho we made up I'm still very distrustfull with her........sinse she had told me there was not anything going on just friends...thats fine but wht did she hide? so to me if a person don't tell you everything in your past and you find out about it later..how would thast make you feel? any of you?

 
Old 01-02-2006, 07:20 PM   #7
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 175
nobodytotalkto HB User
Re: A friend and her husband

I totally agree with Chevy Man. Being a woman, if my husband had hid things (which he did in the beginning), it would be extremely hard to forgive him after marriage. When you take that step with someone, you should feel comfortable enough to tell them EVERY and ANY thing. If you hide something until after the "I Do's", then it isn't really a fair choice that the other person had to make. Some things are just too bad for someone to accept and if he didn't have that chance before the wedding, than he is probably going to take a long time to think it out and become forgiving.

 
Old 01-02-2006, 08:10 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 648
Fabat40 HB User
Re: A friend and her husband

I agree with everyone's post. That's why I think the past should stay where it's at. That's where it belongs.

Happy new year BTW.

.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 11:05 AM   #9
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Casa Grande, Arizona
Posts: 44
Gurl86 HB User
Re: A friend and her husband

I gave my friend all of your advice and she told me that I could tell you her who situcation what she lied about. Just recently she was camping with her dad and her husband they were all drinking. So when her husband left to go to the bathroom she passed out from drinking. When her husband returned he saw her pants down and he we beggining to take his off. Ok and I guess he husband asked her if her dad have ever tried to do anything like that before and she told him no to not cause another fight. But evedently he did. BTW she is pressing charges too.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 11:16 AM   #10
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,566
Hiya HB User
Re: A friend and her husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gurl86
I gave my friend all of your advice and she told me that I could tell you her who situcation what she lied about. Just recently she was camping with her dad and her husband they were all drinking. So when her husband left to go to the bathroom she passed out from drinking. When her husband returned he saw her pants down and he we beggining to take his off. Ok and I guess he husband asked her if her dad have ever tried to do anything like that before and she told him no to not cause another fight. But evedently he did. BTW she is pressing charges too.
Well, to me anyway, this changes everything totally around. It's not like she did something bad and tried to hide it from her husband, which is what we were all thinking. Something horrible was done to her and the pain and shame kept her from facing it and coming clean with her husband. Shame shame shame on her husband for adding insult to serious injury for holding her to blame for this and for not being more supportive and not understanding why she would have a hard time coming clean with him about something so confusing and awful.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Woman seeking my husband tapatia13 Relationship Health 28 09-13-2010 11:46 PM
want to help a friend who has lost a child- wishicouldhelp Death & Dying 1 06-26-2008 12:55 AM
Could Use Advice About a Friend!! goody2shuz ADD / ADHD 3 09-25-2007 05:52 AM
I Lost a friend, Husband's best friend, I am afraid I lost him because of it holly45 Grief & Loss 1 06-11-2007 05:10 AM
I believe his friend has been rude, here's his letter, please advise whiteslopes Relationship Health 39 11-27-2006 04:02 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:01 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!