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Old 01-02-2006, 05:33 AM   #1
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muzicman66 HB User
Marriage and Friends

Here"s the situation. I"ve been married for four months now. I"ve hosted two parties since (I have hosted many a get together over the years). I invited a mixture of married, commited and single people of various ages. Some with children, some without (the children can be entertained all night).
The single people seem to either act different around me and my wife since we got married, like they don"t know how to behave now. Some do not want o not want to stay long. I even had a friend no show on NYE that I"ve known since the age of five (unless he met another, than it"s no issue).
I have read the posts of single people who sometimes want to be at a place where than can meet others (been there). I can put more than a few single people in a casual setting if they choose.
Anyone have suggestions for me to get these people to relax and be themselves?

Last edited by muzicman66; 01-02-2006 at 05:36 AM.

 
Old 01-04-2006, 07:51 AM   #2
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sarakellieye HB User
Re: Marriage and Friends

well all i can really suggest is to talk to the people who are really friends, like for example that friend youve had since childhood and just ask him/her why they dont feel comfortable and explain that there happiness and your friendship means alot to you and you want them to feel 100% comfortable in your company and see what they say.

I am not married but in a relationship, that is beside the point that i am trying to make though! what i mean to say is that maybe the reason the single people feel un-comfortable (no matter how accomadating you are) is because they feel pressured when in a room/at a party with a group of married or comitted people, they might not like how it portrays them, and they may find it makes them feel very lonely.............
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Old 01-04-2006, 09:48 AM   #3
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Hiya HB User
Re: Marriage and Friends

I think it's just a fact of life, our relationships change when we get married. Instead of "I" it's "we" and we have another person who takes priority, and another person whose thoughts, values, opinions must be taken into consideration before we make any decisions. I know even with my best friend, I related to her differently when she was single than when she was married. You become a different person when you get married, with whole different set of priorities, responsibilities and concerns. I don't think there's really anything you can do to make your single friends more comfortable or more "the way they used to be" with you. Things are just different now. They may have wanted to be careful not to overstay their welcome, since married people are seen as more settled, they go to bed earlier, they want time to be alone together, and the wife doesn't want the guy's buddies hanging around all the time like they did when he was single, and the husband doesn't want his wife's friends having a big hen party clucking around all the time either.

 
Old 01-04-2006, 03:27 PM   #4
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bluegreeneyeguy HB User
Re: Marriage and Friends

I agree with hiya. Some single people feel, when one of their friends gets married. The friendship is put on the backburner.

 
Old 01-05-2006, 08:36 AM   #5
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becca112 HB User
Re: Marriage and Friends

I agree as well with hiya. I currently am not married but will be in November 2007, so I guess I will see how my life changes from being single to married. Luckily almost all of my friends are married!!

 
Old 01-05-2006, 01:24 PM   #6
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Marriage and Friends

I think you should just try to invite a mixture of people, both couples and singles. But I think you said you did that. I, for one, don't feel completely comfortable when I'm the only single person among all couples. It makes me depressed, so I avoid couple-only events. But if it was a mix, I would be happy to attend! Hope you had a fun New Year's party!

 
Old 01-05-2006, 07:49 PM   #7
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Posts: 275
Ruby13 HB User
Re: Marriage and Friends

Hmmm...when I was single, I didn't mind hanging out with my married friends at all. However, my married friends have more stable social lives with fewer people rotating in and out. Among my friends, the married-friend parties usually involve married people and the single friends I've already met. Single-friend parties are more likely to have people I don't already know, which was preferable when I was single and looking. That's just been my experience.

Do your single friends like your wife? Do you act differently when you're with her? I've noticed a couple of my boyfriend's single friends/drinking buddies don't really talk to me very much when we go out. I've heard I have a calming effect on him, which he seems happy about, but probably makes him less fun for them.

 
Old 01-05-2006, 08:17 PM   #8
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MommaBee HB User
Re: Marriage and Friends

My observation at parties like this when I was single was what married people talked about was alot different than what singles talked about. A married person may talk about the baby's poopy diapers or being able to have sex in the morning, or property taxes. The single person seems to talk alot about themselves or the guy/girl they just met or they don't talk at all.
My suggestion is the make sure there are plenty of both married and single persons invited or do smaller get togethers with each separately.
Sounds like you put on a great party either way!

Last edited by MommaBee; 01-05-2006 at 08:19 PM.

 
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