I went out with my ex on New Yrs Eve. Some of you might remember, I broke up with my 24 year old GF a few months ago, (I'm 32).
We went to diffenet parties that night, but @ 3:30am on Jan 1, we went out to have breakfast. We held hands, kissed, did all things that couples do (except the sex part). The next day, we spent the whole afternoon together. It was fun. Are we getting back together, we both don't know yet, all we do know for sure is that we very much each other's company. We have so much fun together, which is most important.
We will continue to hang out. The future is so impossible to predict anyway, @ best just to have fun & good times while we can.
I ended up going to my family's country house for New Year's. I snuggled up and read, then I fell asleep with the TV on and I vaguely remember the ball dropping . It was nice to be able to relax, and I was glad that I was at the country house because I felt so peaceful and at home.
Yesterday, I went with my mom to my grandmother's house who has alzheimer's. As we were leaving I started feeling bad, and on the way back I had a panic attack. I was so glad that I was with my mom because she was able to help calm me down. I have been really upset about my other grandparents (who are young for grandparents and very active) because my GM just got over breast cancer and we found out on Christmas Eve that my GP has cancer too. They have always been like second parents to me and so that in combination with my alzheimers GM and everything else is I guess what brought on the panic attack. Also, someone I know who is my age and has been married for a few years (her and her husband who is a policeman just had their first little baby and bought a new house together). Anyway, I found out that he died on the job yesterday.
Today I feel a lot better, but it just seems like so much sadness is all around me right now. I know that I have many blessings and a lot to be thankful for, but I also feel so alone. I will be fine though, I am a strong person !!
I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year filled with many blessings!!! I for one consider all of you here at HB a blessing! Thanks so much for your friendship .
Wow, sounds like you have a tough, bittersweet NY, GG. I'm sorry. I know it can be hard to be strong for others when they need you to be when things aren't going right in our own lives. Stay strong, and may 2006 be awesome for everyone.
Me and young guy had plans to go to his good friends house for a party, and we followed thru on those plans---went about 9:30. It was fun, not a huge bash, but about 30 people, all fairly good friends of mine now. He wore the shirt I got him for Christmas.
He got pretty drunk but it wasn't until about 3:30 am, until then we had a very good time, and everyone was pretty wasted by then anyway. (people ended up riverdancing in the hot coals of the fire with their shoes on!!! It really was funny as heck)
Next day was spent w/ him apologizing to me in the morning for "probably acting like an a$$" which he kinda did, but SO been there done that at his age, so whatever!
And hydrating and sleeping, and watching "I love the 90's marathon!!" LOL
Hope you all had a good one and here's to a great new year!!
Oh GG, I am so sorry to hear about your struggle with anxiety over the last few days (or perhaps longer, though I certainly hope not!). You are clearly a really kind and sensitive woman who clearly feels things unusually deeply and profoundly, which in many situations is wonderful, but can also make you susceptible to bouts of sadness and worry more acute and troubling than most people ever experience. I’m extremely close to my grandmother, who essentially raised me, taking care of me each day and evening while my mom worked long hours in order to become very successful and provide me with every possible advantage…as a result, I get really easily offended and saddened whenever people make any sort of negative comments about how children are disadvantaged by “broken homes” or that kids are negatively impacted by growing up “without a father,” which I also get defensive about on behalf of my dad, who has made an amazingly consistent effort over time to be involved and active in my life despite the fact that he didn’t live with me. And my super tight bond with my grandmother makes me exceptionally vulnerable to any sort of sad stories about elderly people and particularly grandparents, particularly stories in which someone is rude or mean to an older person or in which they are neglected or mistreated.
Anyway, I’m really sorry, I don’t mean to go on and on about me. But I do think I understand what it feels like to some degree to be especially close with your grandparents and then experience the terror and sadness that’s unavoidable whenever their health is threatened…my grandmom had a scare a few years back in which she was told her heart would give out imminently, and as a result, I was a nervous wreck, basically living through one prolonged anxiety attack that didn’t let up for several weeks. I can’t imagine how scared and heartbroken you must feel now that your beloved grandparents are facing such serious health obstacles. And then for you to have to cope with losing a friend who just became a father on top of the horrific ordeal that your grandparents are going through is just unimaginably heartbreaking. You poor sweet girl—I wish there was something, anything, that I could do that would help, but unfortunately all of these situations which are causing your anxiety are out of everyone’s hands, at least for the time being. If I had even the tiniest shred of faith in religion, I’d be praying so hard for you, GG, but as it is, I will be thinking of you very often and crossing my fingers that your grandparents manage to pull through and beat cancer (with you undoubtedly serving as incredible inspiration and motivation by their side).
GG, again I sincerely apologize if I am overstepping my bounds here, but do you mind if I ask if this is the first time you’ve experienced a panic attack? Has your anxiety ever escalated to the point where it’s severely troubled you in the past? I ask because while I’d always been a pretty high strung person and prone to get rather worked up quickly, I had never experienced what I would term an anxiety disorder where my nervousness started to seem really irrational and out of control until about a year ago. I think it was prompted by anticipating the end of my relationship with Patrick—which I could sense declining as the holidays and thus the time we’d have to spend with his family steadily approached in conjunction with experiencing daily chronic pain (and the type of pain I have increases my anxiety because it comes and goes at random, unpredictable intervals, so when I’m not experiencing it, I’m still tensed up, alert, and physically prepped as if to somehow defend my body against the pain which could set in at any time (not that there’s anything I can do about it but wait for it to go away and then for the entire cycle to repeat itself). If only we had complete control over our bodies and complete control over our emotions as recently discussed on Sophia’s thread, our lives would be a lot simpler and a lot happier…I could have just willed away the emotional pain caused by Patrick leaving and the chronic physical pain caused by having my wisdom teeth removed.
Anyway, GG, back to the anxiety issue: only you’ll know for sure whether or not your anxiety is controlled, within the boundaries of what is normal for you, and an appropriate response to the events you’re witnessing and the feelings that you’re experiencing at any given period of time. But if you feel like your anxiety has gotten worse over time or that it’s spiraling out of control, I would urge you to seek professional help if you haven’t already. With all the talk swirling about these days centering on mental illnesses like bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, postpartum (or other forms of severe) depression, attention deficit disorder, bulimia and anorexia, etc., it can be difficult to remember that anxiety can just as severe of a mental disorder as any of these others. This is especially true when certain indicators about the anxiety (for instance: when it’s persistent, interferes with your ability to function normally, continually troubles you emotionally, causes panic attacks, upsets and disturbs those around you, and seems disproportionate to any actual events in one’s life that could reasonably be expected to cause such extreme anxiety) are present that suggest that it needs to be, and can successfully be, treated with a psychiatric regimen that generally includes medication and hopefully also some form of talk therapy. I don’t mean to speak as any sort of expert here, and I certainly don’t presume to know whether you would benefit from professional mental help and if so, what kind, nor whether you are already seeking such help, but I did want to point out that you should not and do not have to live with severe, debilitating anxiety and especially not with panic attacks. At the very least, you shouldn’t have to deal with these kind of issues without any sort of treatment to lessen the severity of your symptoms...unfortunately there is no easy way to cope with someone you love suffering from both life-threatening and chronically degenerative diseases. I don’t know if there is any way to lessen your anxiety regarding your poor grandparents, but I hope you can get some help to stop your panic attacks if you feel one coming on or at least make them less severe and traumatic. I am just so terribly sorry about your friend and your grandparents and truly hope that all of you will pull through this stronger and wiser than ever. Take care, sweetie! We love you and are rooting for you 100%!
Hi GG, if you can stand one more fan here , I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am to hear of all you are going thru right now.
I will be keeping you tightly in my thoughts, until you let us know you are doing better.
I spent the day shopping then came home and felt totally sorry for myself, took stock in my life and the past year and went to bed early. Sad, isn't it?
GG, I'm sorry to hear about your grandparents. I know how hard it is. I was very close to my grandparents as well. Side note... I also suffer from panic attacks and had them undercontrol for quite a while, however, it's gotten bad again. I had the heart palp's last night and sat there terrified, then started the whole routine that us panic sufferers go through. I'm considering going back on the medication if things continue down this path. Just wanted to let you know I understand.
Last edited by reddoorblack; 01-03-2006 at 05:42 PM.
I worked most of the weekend but did find a couple of hours to go to a little get together my brother's friend was having, we all broke out our guitars and jammed. It was fun. Still trying to catch up on my sleep, though, from the funky hours I worked. I read a little blurb on country singer Mindy McCready who was once flying high, got big record deal less than a year after arriving in Nashville, engaged to sexy, hunky actor Dean Cain, etc. and I was so jealous. Now she's having drug problems, run ins with the law, all other kinds of troubles. Dana Reeve (Christopher's widow) is another one it would have been so easy to be jealous of 10 years ago, married to a brilliant, handsome talented rich actor, beautiful kids, etc. then one stupid riding accident later, she's married to a quadriplegic, nursing and taking care of him, forgowing sex, etc. and at the ripe old age of 44, is a widow with three kids to care for, and lung cancer. Wheeww. I never make new year's resolutions, always thought they were pointless, but decided this year to resolve to never be jealous of anyone ever again (except for Wildcat! ).
I spent it on a beautiful tropical island with the in-laws .....hehehehehehe but I didn't allow them to ruin my fun!!! I actually had a little tiff with hubby which has since been resolved......he went to bed early on NYE after having too much fun in the sun and I got to kiss my SIL instead at midnight!!! Just my luck!!!
Actually.......it was a great vacation, in laws & all Got to be with Kait for an entire week!!! Brought her to the airport yesterday and cried all over again having to let her go!!! But I did get a whole entire week of having her near and smelling her storing it all up until we get to see one another again!!!
As much as I admire Wildcat.....being married over 18 years and having my way in the shower with hubby made our vacation in paradise the best way to bring 2006 in!!! (Who needs a tropical island to find paradise??? ) Yes Goody is a happy woman!!!!
Sorry....just had to tell you that good things are worth waiting for and even though the weather may seem stormy outside......the sunshine always seems to chase it a away!!!
Happy New Year to Everybody!!!
(((((HUGS))))) ~ Goody
Last edited by goody2shuz; 01-04-2006 at 08:54 AM.