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Old 01-03-2006, 08:32 AM   #1
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RegularGuy7 HB User
Death of Friend's Husband

I'm not sure if this belongs here or not.

Yesterday, my friend's husband died from a heart attack. We are all pretty upset by the whole thing. It was rather sudden and nobody was quite prepared for it.

However, my wife and I find ourselves in a strange situation. My wife was in the process of knitting the friend' husband a scarf which was to be a presant from his wife . The scarf is about 2 days from being completed.

I guess this is more of a Ms. Manners question but what should we do with the scarf? I feel that we should give it to my friend anyway and let her do what she wants with it. But than again, it might upset her considering she never got the chance to give it to her husband.

What should we do?

 
Old 01-03-2006, 09:11 AM   #2
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summertyme HB User
Re: Death of Friend's Husband

I would give it to her--I know I would like to have something like that if my husband died as a memento of both him and our good friends. Worrying about upsetting her is probably not a issue--could she REALLY be more upset than she already is??

The same thing happened to friend of mine (sudden death of her husband--minus the scarf issue) and she still hasn't recovered almost 3 years later. I wish your friend the strength to pull through this tough time.

 
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Old 01-03-2006, 09:13 AM   #3
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chevyman HB User
Re: Death of Friend's Husband

hi,
sorry to hear the loss of your friend.
it is hard to decide what to do , here is what I would do....I would give it to your friends wife, but wait at an appropriate time to do so, at present you need to show your condolence and any help she may need,let her know that you guys are there for her anytime...show your love and compassion always.

I believe true friends are hard to find and that true friends love one another, it's not a love like man & wife but it's a love that God wants us all to have.

 
Old 01-04-2006, 08:08 PM   #4
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mauvais HB User
Re: Death of Friend's Husband

Hi there, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I lost my father to a sudden heart attack a few years ago and I (and my mom) would have found anything intended for him an amazing and endearing gift. I think you should give the scarf to his widow. She will surely get teary but that doesn't mean that you've done a bad thing- it just means you've brought her closer to her deceased husband for a moment.

 
Old 01-04-2006, 09:00 PM   #5
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phoenixgal77 HB User
Re: Death of Friend's Husband

I would not give it to her at all! Death is a hard thing for anyone to go through and giving the scarf to her will just remind the poor wife of the gift she was supposed to give him if he were still alive. What I would do is be there for your friend and wait! If she comes to you and asks about the scarf and wants it...then give it to her otherwise don't even mention it!! Please do this it will be your safest bet!

 
Old 01-04-2006, 09:33 PM   #6
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Re: Death of Friend's Husband

I agree with the others that say give the scarf to her and let her decide what to do with it. I have known several people who had had stuff arranged to give to someone but a sudden death changed those plans a bit. They either gave the gift to a spouse or other family member.
I know if it were me I would still want the scarf if not to keep maybe to have placed with him or to give a child of his.
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Old 01-05-2006, 06:33 AM   #7
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phoenixgal77 HB User
Re: Death of Friend's Husband

I still say wait until she asks for it. We do not know this lady everyone handles death differently. I would not want this at all. I went through a situation where I lost someone near and dear to me in my life and I just put everything away that reminded me of them. If I were in this ladies situation I would take it and act like I was happy butthen I would be secretly thinking "how could this person give me this at a time like this?" Have any of you thought that when you gave someone a gift like that they were just pretending for your sake nobody is actually going to say "how rude!" or "how could you?" I would not give it to her unless she mentioned it. My opinion.

 
Old 01-05-2006, 02:18 PM   #8
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Death of Friend's Husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by mauvais
Hi there, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I lost my father to a sudden heart attack a few years ago and I (and my mom) would have found anything intended for him an amazing and endearing gift. I think you should give the scarf to his widow. She will surely get teary but that doesn't mean that you've done a bad thing- it just means you've brought her closer to her deceased husband for a moment.
I tend to agree with the above. It will make her cry, for sure, but crying for a good reason is not a bad thing. I guess it also depends on what type of a person she is. If it was me, it would touch me that someone loved and appreciated my husband enough to knit him a scarf as a gift. And I would be delighted to receive it for him. But I'm not a typical person, I guess. Maybe some people would not appreciate it?? Not sure what to tell you other than what my personal preference would be. It's such a heart-warming thought that your wife was personally making something for this friend of yours. I'm sure the wife would like to keep it as a sentimental gift.

 
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