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Old 01-03-2006, 09:33 AM   #1
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Could this work?

sorry had to delete

Last edited by White Rose; 01-03-2006 at 02:52 PM.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 09:44 AM   #2
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Re: Could this work?

no offense, but I think you are living in a fantasy world. You can't be completely in love with someone you have only met a couple times.
You already have children, why would you want to adopt this guy too?

 
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Old 01-03-2006, 09:52 AM   #3
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Re: Could this work?

sorry had to delete

Last edited by White Rose; 01-03-2006 at 02:52 PM.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 09:57 AM   #4
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Re: Could this work?

Quote:
Originally Posted by White Rose
Well, I've got to know him over the internet, phone etc for the past 10 months or so. And I do believe I know him, and there is no mistaking that I am in love with him.
As I said, this guy is more mature than I am even though he's younger than me.

thats a little scary......do you really believe that an 18 year old boy who lives at home with mommy could be more mature than you.......the mother of children?
How mature could he be? Does he work? Go to school? What are his plans and goals for the future?
Please reconsider this relationship.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 09:59 AM   #5
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Re: Could this work?

Well, I think it's a valid concern. Did you see that movie Prime with Meryl Streep and Uma Thurman? This older woman moved in with a 23 year old guy and found she couldn't deal with the messes, irresponsibility and such. It's a concern with someone so young, but if he's more mature than most 18-year-olds, it's possible he will handle it better than most. Unfortunately, there's really no way to know how well you can live together until you do. But given the fact that you've just "met" several times and haven't even been in a situation where one of you hangs out at the other's place all evening two or three times a week, or spends the weekend at each other's places, it's going to be even harder for you to assess what living with him will be like. I think the smartest thing to do would be to cure the distance thing first before you think of living together. He's only 18 and has never been on his own before, and I think that's something everyone needs at some point in their life to really become independent and to "grow up." If he goes straight from living with his parents to living with you, with never having had to be completely responsible for himself, then he will never really learn how.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 10:06 AM   #6
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Re: Could this work?

sorry had to delete

Last edited by White Rose; 01-03-2006 at 02:52 PM.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 10:08 AM   #7
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Re: Could this work?

I thought mine was very mature too. Believe me, give it time. They will show their immaturities. I am in the process of pulling back b/c I deserve better than these emotional games. It was fun, and sometimes still is--but their brains are not even fully developed yet for goodness sake. At this age, they love the chase. Mine comes on strong if he thinks he's going to lose me.

Been there, done that. I can play the game and work it, but why? Gets old after a while. They just don't have enuf experience to know how a woman with children and a life of her own needs to be treated. Altho, I get the excitement, believe me, I do. It's great to feel loved and adored, but take it for fun and excitement for as long as you can and see what happens. I'm not saying it couldn't possibly work--I don't know either of you. I'm just saying in time people show thier age and it's not always what you want or need. I have kept my kids totally out of this one--and I am glad, glad, glad!!

 
Old 01-03-2006, 10:10 AM   #8
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Re: Could this work?

I just want to caution you against moving too fast.
You have children of your own to raise, they should be your priority.
It's good that he wants to move closer to you, I think that's great, to move closer.....not to move IN with you. You need your space too.
Does he work? You don't want the guy being dependant on you for money, a roof over his head, etc......because then you end up feeling like a sugar mama.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 10:15 AM   #9
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Re: Could this work?

While people are more mature than others in their age group, maturity in its truest sense only comes with the passing of time and many, many life lessons in lots of diferent contexts to ultimately be "mature". An 18 year old of any maturity has not had enough of life's experiences and lessons to be able to move into the role of father and role model, etc. I always ask, think of yourself at 18. By the time you are just 30 you look back on 18 as it was - which is no where near mature as you thought it was when you were 18.

Passion and chemistry can be felt very strongly in a relationship that is primarily at a distance. Until you see him pick his nose 50 times, listen to him burp, leave his clothes around, never pickup after himself, not take out the garbage, spend money you may not have to spend, and observe reactions and behaviors in many trying circumstances, you can't know if it is love or some other kind of compelling feelings.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 10:18 AM   #10
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Re: Could this work?

sorry had to delete

Last edited by White Rose; 01-03-2006 at 02:53 PM.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 10:24 AM   #11
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Re: Could this work?

Quote:
Originally Posted by White Rose
He comes to stay at my house as often as possible, for like 3 or 4 days at a time. .
Do your children live wth you? I don't care how mature you think he is or that he really is, having a man of 18 staying in your home with children is not a great idea. Aditionally, if things do not work out, this starts the cycle of children watching potential role models come into and go out of their lives. I suggest you keep your children distanced from this until you are certain he is a permanent figure in their lives.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 10:26 AM   #12
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Re: Could this work?

Will his parents approve of him marrying older woman with kids? How important there apprpval for him?

 
Old 01-03-2006, 10:34 AM   #13
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Re: Could this work?

sorry had to delete

Last edited by White Rose; 01-03-2006 at 02:53 PM.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 10:59 AM   #14
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Re: Could this work?

White Rose, if you love him and he loves you then I don't think that the age gap matters. I am not sure also when you both grow a bit older and say he's in his 30s???t I still think however that this is really irrelevant if you are a 100% sure that you want to be with him.You say that he sounds mature. I also know 18-year-old guys who are far more mature than men in their 40s.

The only thing I would say is, regardless of age, get to know him better before you consider a live-in relationship. Let him prove that he is serious about doing responsible things, and give yourselves time.

 
Old 01-03-2006, 11:02 AM   #15
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Re: Could this work?

sorry had to delete

Last edited by White Rose; 01-03-2006 at 02:53 PM.

 
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