I feel like i have nobody to commincate with, but im hollow without a certain person.
Well, this is basically a regular teen issue, but i feel that i am more mature than most teenagers these days so its a little more serious to me. I honestly feel that i lack "true friends", i mean i have tons of friends, but with very few of them i can share my secrets with and come to when im feeling down. I can honestly say that i dont openly trust any of my personal friends, some more than others, and the ones i trust the most still dont get but 70% of my story. The people that i have been able to trust have pretty much backstabbed me, or i changed my mind and ended up not giving my full story either.
I feel kind of alone alot of the time, i have many friends at school, but i dont hang out with many of them outside of school. I have only had one girlfriend in my life, not that is my main problem, but it just shows something. I think im an alright looking guy, i think im very intelligent, but there is one thing that always makes girls stray away from me.
But i have found one person whom i feel a VERY strong connection with, but the problem is i have never met this girl in real life. She is an old friend of my ex-girlfriend (my only one), she moved here from California, and this girl lives all the way back in California. I have spoken to her many many times, but i actually began talking to her on AIM like a regular friend about 3-4 months ago. I had a really early case of pneumonia and i was out of school and work for a week and a half, and i wasnt able to see anyone during that time, i just sat around the house. I developed a little crush on her, and i told her about a month in, and she surprisingly told me she feels the same thing (and still does to this day). Then about a month ago i realized that its more than just a crush, its like a subconscious mental connection. I feel that its something special, because lets face it, as a teenager most relationships you have are hormone driven, but since i cant see Brittany (this girl im talking about) in person, i think it means much more than that. I trusted her with all of my secrets, which none of my real life friends even know about, and i know you might think this is because its an online friend, what harm can she do? But i cant even trust my other online friends, im just really secure about certain things because they mean alot to me. We might meet this summer when she comes here to visit her friend (my ex). I just feel extremely connected to her, and i dont know what to do because we are 3,000 miles apart. She hasnt been able to get online the past few days because she is grounded, and i must honestly say that i feel really hollow without her words before i go to sleep. Maybe im just overanalyzing things and making small things pointlessly serious. But i will admit i have never felt this before, despite the fact that i havent even met her.
Well, my question is how do i go about this? I mean, i put myself through some extremely depressed stages because i dont have any contact with her. How do i manage to control these feelings, because they hurt me deeply very often. I just dont want to lose her as a friend either way.
Re: I feel like i have nobody to commincate with, but im hollow without a certain person.
Oh the pains of teenage life. I remember those times and I wish that I could tell you that everything will get so much better. The truth is...from here on out, things will always be difficult. It's a part of growing up. You get out in the real world, you work, have a job, have bills and then relationships (some good, some bad). But don't worry, everyone goes through it, it's just life.
I, myself, am 25 years old and remember those years oh so well. You sound so much like me, except I am a girl . I was somewhat popular, had lots of friends but none were "that" close to me. I hung out with them at school but not after or on weekends. It was more like a social friendship. My one best friend, was my best friend from the time we were in 4th grade. But she stabbed me in the back so many times that I could be a millionaire if I got a quarter for each time. So we were always close, but there was always that distrust there. She was always so negative towards me, I'm assuming she was jealous, and after high school, I learned to stick up for myself and not take it anymore. I started telling her the things I really thought, as she always did and she called the friendship off. How is that for gratitude? But it just goes to show, friends aren't really friends when they only care about themselves.
Anyways, Brittany sounds very nice. And I definately think you should keep talking to her for as long as she will listen. We all need someone to be there for us and to confide in. At 18, I met Mark. We started dating and now we are married. I could tell him anything! It's nice to have someone of the opposite sex there for you. Somehow it just seems easier.
Don't worry about the distance between you guys. If it is meant to be, it will find a way, I promise you. Continue to write emails, send mail and pictures, save up money and visit each other. My cousin is American and met her Canadian boyfriend online. He moved to America to be with her and now they are married, so just because she is 3,000 miles away, doesn't mean she always will be. Take things slow and try to not be so dependant on talking to her nightly. I have sure had my problems with my laptop and sometimes getting online just isn't an option. I'm sure that it happens to lots of people, so you never know if sometime she may have it happen or you might. Point is...just know that when the problem or groundation is over, she will be right back online talking to you. Write things down in a journal before bed, that way you can tell her about them when she is no longer grounded. It may help you feel like you still have some sort of connection to her. I had a friend Terry who was a Marine and was about 200 miles away. I only got to talk to him weekly via phone, but I wrote down everything I wanted to tell him throughout the week. It helped alot. I felt like we were still connected and it made the fact that I would talk to him soon seem more real.
Good luck and keep writing on here when she can't be there for you. Just talking things out, can help.