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Old 01-05-2006, 12:02 PM   #1
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I'm losing my mind...help

Ever since my bf broke up me with me I feel numb and useless. I feel like I am stuck and going nowhere. I say "I feel" but I don't really feel much at all. I don't feel like I love anymore, but that I just resent, resent eberyone else for being happy and having a life. I feel like I don't like a lot of people, like I have no friends. I have nothing to do, except go to work, and I am bored to death, but I don't want to do anything. I don't even have any sort of feelings for my nephew. I feel like I don't know what to do. It feels like everything in the world is just moving along when my world has been change so much and turned upside down. I have no man in my life, not only a bf, but I don't get along with my dad and I don't have any male friends. I feel like I screwed up royally with my bf, he was such a great, normal guy and I had dreams of a great normal life with him. I don't even feel like I ever want to date or try anything with anyone else. I feel like he's the only one I want to be with, and sometimes I feel like I don't even want to think about the next 60 years or more of my life if he's not there. I am lost, sad, scared, depressed, miserable, and I don't know how he feels about me, if he even misses me....... I need help. Why doesn't he feel the same way? why doesn't he realise his mistake and come back to me? I am so sorry for anything I did to him, and i would try so hard to work at things in our relationship that were lacking, I just want him back and to show him how great things can be together....

i don't know what to do to not feel like this, I don't like feeling like this, feels like I am never going to not feel like this about him, and that my life is never going to be right again without him......

Last edited by steakie46; 01-05-2006 at 12:07 PM.

 
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Old 01-05-2006, 12:50 PM   #2
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Re: I'm losing my mind...help

No sweetie, you're not losing your mind. I think a lot of people have felt this way. I know I have. It's just a process. While you need to give yourself a little time to grieve, you shouldn't give yourself any time to wallow in the sadness. It gets way too easy to settle into that mindset of never wanting to do anything, never wanting to see anyone else, and before you know it, too much of your life has gone by and you may not know how to live any other way. Think of this time as a gift, a chance to grow and become closer to being the you that you always dreamed of being. Do you have any hobbies at all? Knitting, sewing, movies, music, sports, tennis, running, are you an animal lover? Indulge yourself. Treat yourself to a good movie you've been wanting to see, or a good book you just never had time to read until now. Go to your local gym and check out what different classes they offer. Maybe you might want to try pilates or yoga or something. Go to your library and see what kind of classes or seminars they have coming up. Does your local animal shelter need help? As much as you don't want to, you need to get busy building a life that doesn't include your ex, and making that chapter of your life smaller and smaller by making the new one larger. I'm not going to lie, it won't be easy, and sometimes you have to do the actions and wait for your heart to catch up. Do you have neighbors or family in the area? Nurture the relationships you do have, and not just to cry on their shoulders, although you need all the support you can get now, but to also see what you can do for them. Do something today to make yourself laugh or feel good. Take a walk in the sun, if it's out. Seek out nature, go to the park. Go to or rent a funny movie. Treat yourself, you deserve it. And take it easy on yourself. I'm sure you and your ex both made mistakes, and it always takes two for a relationship to go sour. You're not to blame for it all. Learn the lessons there are to learn and move on. And come here and vent as much as you need to.

 
Old 01-05-2006, 12:56 PM   #3
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Re: I'm losing my mind...help

What you are feeling is somewhat normal after the loss of something so important in your life. Anytime we experience the loss of a person in our lives whether it be through death, divorce or a breakup the grief is pretty much the same.

The feelings you will experience will be shock and denial, in which you do not believe it has happened, shortly after you will bargain promising to change if only you can get it back, soon after you will get angry at everyone including yourself for having to suffer such a loss and finally after time you will finally accept that this person is no longer a part of your life and be able to go on.

From what I have read, it's only been a few weeks since your BF asked for some space. I personally think his way of ending things was somewhat cowardly in the sense of leaving the door open and perhaps leaving you with false hope that there may be a future for the two of you. Only you can decide if that is the way you wish things to remain......my suggestion is to assume that things are over for good and to try your best to take care of yourself & your broken heart. As with any wound that causes pain it is important to take good care of it. Do things to pamper yourself. Try as hard as it is to be around other people and keep yourself busy to keep your mind off of the pain. As hard as it is, do not be too hard on yourself in terms of thinking that everything was your fault...usually in realtionships it is something that each one did or did not do that lead to it's failure. Learn from your mistakes realizing that each one of us is not perfect and allow yourself to grow as a person each time you get back up and move on. This is all new and as a fresh wound it will take time to heal.

Surround yourself with people who care....though they may not know the right thing to say or do at this particualr moment, they do want to make you feel better.

I hope this helps somewhat....things will get better it's just going to take some time.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody

 
Old 01-05-2006, 01:01 PM   #4
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Re: I'm losing my mind...help

As funny as this sounds right now, this too shall pass and you WILL get over it.
I had been dating a guy for 6 yrs and became engaged to him (ring and all) only to be cheated on and we broke off the engagement. I was devestated. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, lost too much weight, looked like total crap and my mother was so worried she thought I was going to have to be hospitalized.
But here's the thing: I wasn't meant to be with him - Just like you're probably not meant to be with your ex. I met my now husband a yr later and have been happily married for 11 yrs.
As stupid as this is going to sound, I am going to say it anyway. Have you ever heard the song "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks? You should really listen to it. Just because YOU think you want and need something and you feel your prayers are not being answered doesn't mean there isn't someone else out there you just haven't met yet. Things happen for a reason and we meet and date people that help us learn what we want and who we are.
Sometimes we have to "go through" certain experiences in life BEFORE we meet "the one".
Sure it sucks right now and you're hurting, but I promise you it gets better. You just gotta hang in there and believe. Don't be so hard on your self - Let yourself hurt and be sad for awhile - It's OK to feel that way. Believe it or not, hurting helps make you a stronger person!

 
Old 01-05-2006, 02:11 PM   #5
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Re: I'm losing my mind...help

[QUOTE=goody2shuz] I personally think his way of ending things was somewhat cowardly in the sense of leaving the door open and perhaps leaving you with false hope that there may be a future for the two of you. QUOTE]


I see where you are coming from, but I also feel that he really did intend to leave the door open because he is confused about what he wants/feels. I don't think he left me with false hope for us, just that he left me not knowing how he truly felt, but apparently he is having a hard time knowing how he truly feels, so i guess i would not know either. He kept saying things like people break up and get back together all the time and "this doesn't mean we are never going to get back together," so yeah, I don't know exactly what he feels about us sometimes when he calls he seems regretful and other times just "normal". He's possibly scared and confused and did not know how to sort himself out any other way then to breakup to really see how he feels. But then I do not know what to do..on one hand I do not want to wait around, but on the other hand I feel like I would wait around forever becasue I believe we should be together. Also, i don't feel like I will ever feel the same way about any other guy, and I don't want to be intimate with anyother guy. And I know that that may change, and that of course I will feel this way now, but I feel like I will feel this way for the rest of my life.....

 
Old 01-05-2006, 07:16 PM   #6
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Re: I'm losing my mind...help

Sometimes I feel almost ok about it, like things will work out, and other times I feel, well, like my first post. Is this normal? will it ever go away? (sometimes it feels like it wont and I don't know how to deal with my family and stuff without him, he was my rock, he was the only man in my life, my best friend, not to mention one of the only ppl I could trust/depend on...) I think that may of been something that bothered him, becasue at times it was like we were just friends...but its not like we were never romantic, and I was always affectionate..I mean don't guys want girls who can be their best friend and who likes what they like, but whom they can also be intimate with?...that is what we had.

Last edited by steakie46; 01-05-2006 at 08:09 PM.

 
Old 01-06-2006, 06:18 AM   #7
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raaaaaaaaaar HB User
Re: I'm losing my mind...help

Hi Steakie

I know it's so so so hard. I'm not really gonna post any advice-just here to let you know i'm sharing your feelings and really feeling for you.

Every morning I wake up thinking of what i've lost and what i'm missing. My heart is still in denial-still telling me that I can't live without him and he is the only person who can make me happy. I keep thinking about what HE is doing and how HE must be having a brilliant life without me and with his new girlfriend. But my head is telling me to move on. My head is saying that I have to think of ME and what I am going to be doing, not HIM. But as you probably know-the heart seems to rule the head at this time. The heart is feeling the pain and its physically debilitating.

At this time I feel the same-worthless. Like I mattered so little in his life that he's really happy without me. I don't know exactly what he's feeling but he's made it clear that he's got someone else who's special and it took him all of 3 weeks to get over me. It really really hurts

I don't know what advice to give to you as I don't know how and when this grief is going to pass. But I truly believe (somewhere deep down) that going through this process is going to make us stronger. Keep talking about how you are feeling, write it down, let your anger out (on a pillow or something) and let yourself grieve. Our exs may believe that they are happy right now but ultimately we are going to be the ones who can learn from this and build better committed relationships later on in life. We know how to love, and the fact that we are feeling this strongly about others shows what compassionate and sensitive human beings we are.

Keep going
Ra xx

 
Old 01-06-2006, 07:34 AM   #8
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laurie864bla HB User
Re: I'm losing my mind...help

Watch the movie Dirty Love. NOT at all a great movie, but SOOO funny about going completely mental when a guy dumps you thru no fault of your own. The obsession, the eating, the running into him, the lonliness, the taking it out on other men, and then the finding real love in the end. SO theraputic and worth it for the laughs alone. You'll be ok--been there, done that, thought I would never get over it---you do.

 
Old 01-06-2006, 07:58 PM   #9
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Re: I'm losing my mind...help

Thanks raaaaaaaar, I feel for you, too. I don't know what I would do if I found out my bf already had a new "SO." (I do know that he is just fooling himself to think she is "special" after only a few weeks) I think you are handling it quite well, and I wish you all the best. And please feel free to post and keep me up to date on how you are feeling, chances are I'll be going through the same thing and sometimes it helps to have someone who's in the same position as you, looking forward to hearing from you.


I miss him so much....

 
Old 01-07-2006, 04:20 AM   #10
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Re: I'm losing my mind...help

Hi Steakie

Yeah everyone around me keeps telling me how well i'm doing-doesn't always feel that way tho! I feel so fragile I could break at any moment
I'm obviously distraught about him having someone new but I suppose the realisation of it happening is now allowing me to move on. I'm still feeling ugly, useless and stupid inside but trying to train myself not to think that way!
It really really really hurts to know he is with someone else and telling her how special she is blah blah blah but I suppose it makes me feel kinda better to think that he is fooling himself and on the rebound! Someone who can switch their feelings on and off is not dealing with things and is emotionally immature. I just have to keep telling myself that my love is too good for him and that I am a wonderful and beautiful person (even if I don't believe it most of the time!)
You really should try it-find something you like about yourself and keep saying it (or even better-write it down and look at it every so often) and if you can't think of anything-ask a friend (they are your friends for a reason)

Always here
x

 
Old 01-07-2006, 10:13 AM   #11
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Re: I'm losing my mind...help

All I can say is that at least you know what your bf is up to. I have no idea what mine is doing or thinking and as lame as it sounds, it's killing me. I just wish I knew what he was feeling or thinking. I don't even know, he could very well be seeing someone else, although I don't think so. I wish he would at least let me know whats going on b/c I still am not really clear on where we stand. He kinda left the door open for a "get back together," but who knows when, if ever. I wish he would talk to me and tell me something as it's a bit unfair to me, although I did tell him that I was going to respect his wishes of space and leave him alone, so maybe thats why he hasn't been in contact, he is taking his space. But, eventually I would like to hear from him about what is going on....

Last edited by steakie46; 01-07-2006 at 10:42 AM.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 04:26 PM   #12
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Re: I'm losing my mind...help

Hi darlin

I know I know it's horrible. You still feel like you're waiting to get back together. I kinda feel like i'm still stuck there-I desperately want to move on but am stuck in the past. I had a really horrible day today-am still living at home with my mum and today she left a note for my sister telling her she wanted her out of the house because she's lazy and too old to be living at home (she's 23) I felt absolutely distraught as I love my sister so much and now she's gone to live with her boyfriend and I feel totally alone now here I know she hasn't gone far but now I feel my family has fallen apart as well as my relationship. It was so bad because if something like this had happened when I was with my ex I would have been able to call him and talk about it and I wouldn't have felt so alone.
All I could do was just cry alone until I felt so exhausted

I'm so sorry for your pain-I feel like mine couldn't get any worse at this particular time! But all I can say is keep going-you can probably tell I'm alternating between positivity/looking to the future and depression/stuck missing the past. I think the main thing to do (as hard as it is) is to think of yourself. Don't contact him, try hard not to imagine him, and try and distance yourself from the situation-by this I mean try and step outside of yourself and imagine it was happening to your best friend. How would you comfort them if they told you they felt this way? I know it's so hard when you are still very much in love (I know I still am as much as I hate him right now) but each day you will heal just that little bit more

Ra x

 
Old 01-07-2006, 06:19 PM   #13
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Re: I'm losing my mind...help

I hate men and women, who break up with their SO's, but are too cowardly to go it alone, so they hold unto their ex partners, by telling them they may "get back together" in the future. It allows them to go out and look for something they think is "better", while the ones who love them are strung up and unable to move on. All for the sake of having a soft place to land, if things don't work out. They date, party, have sex and eventually a new emotional commitment, with someone new, while their EX's attempt to reinvent themselves, in an effort to win back someone they think they still have a chance with. Then the EX looses them all over again when they are told their love has found someone new and they are so special. Of course the SO is devastated but the EX reminds them that the reconcilation was never a sure thing anyway. What a way to hedge your bets! I respect someone who tells me straight up, how it is. This isn't working anymore and I want to move on. I may not like it, but it's honest. It allows the SO to grieve and move on to a new life, rather then put themselves on hold for months or, in some cases, years.

Last edited by eve40; 01-07-2006 at 06:25 PM.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 08:54 PM   #14
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Re: I'm losing my mind...help

Hi Steakie... don't fear, you are not losing your mind...

When I was going through the same thing last year, I remember going Christmas shopping with my mum and hearing cheery music and seeing happy couples holding hands. I wanted to run up and rip their hair out. I wanted to shake the living daylights out of them and ask them why THEY get to be happy, and I don't. I resented everyone and everything. I would go to work, but I was in another world to everyone else. I didn't understand why life just went on, when mine had suddenly come to a grinding halt. Did anyone even notice? Even with the noise of an office, I was in a world of silence and constant reoccuring thoughts. I watched people laughing and chatting and wondered why the hell wasn't everyone feeling the same pain. Why didn't anyone understand?

But everyone is right. It's all part of the healing process. It's absolutely normal. So don't beat yourself up. I hated the whole world for what was happening to me, but it's no one's fault. You are not going to wake up one day and have it all gone. It will take time, and hopefully some resolution or closure from him. If not, then you are forced to make your own closure. But it will pass. Sloooooowly you will start to feel more and more normal. And you will want to love again. You are just in self defence mode. You are trying not to care about anything because you feel so hurt, so it's easier to be 'numb'.

I have been off the boards for a bit... has there been any further progress?

Thinking of you and sending big virtual hugs your way!!!
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Old 01-08-2006, 09:45 AM   #15
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Re: I'm losing my mind...help

Progress? well, not really. Nothing too much to report. As far as I know my picture is still up in his room. He called me the other day to get one of our dogs vet information so he could take her to the vet, but I was asleep and didn't answer the phone. So, I called back later and he was kinda rude b/c I was like "what are you doing?" and he goes "getting ready for work, I can't talk now?" then fine, bye. I guess I should not really be mad as I knew when I called he would probably be getting for work. Plus, when he called back later he apologized for "this morning" because he was brushing his teeth. So anyways I gave him the dogs info and that was pretty much it. Haven't talked to him since. I did talk to his mom though, she said she doesn't know anything since he doesn't talk to her. she did say that he went to breakfast the other morning, which is very unlike him, so I don't know what that was all about. I also talked to one of our friends the other day who said that he saw him and that he didn't seem that tore up about it or very remorseful or sad, and I was like gee thanks....but I can't really go on that either b/c he was never really one to show much emotion ro feeling so just becasue he does not seem sad or glad or whatever doesn't mean he's not. The friend just said that was the vibe he got, but no proof, meaning he didn't actually say anything. He said the vibe he got was that he would just want to be friends at the most whereas I am looking to get back together, so, as usual, I don't know, but like I said you can't really tell anything from him emotion/feeling-wise...so yeah thats all that has happened, I have just been working and I start back at college on tuesday, it will be my first day of college not being with him.....

 
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