I cant get connected with any other person, but one person. Please help.
Well, this is basically a regular teen issue, but i feel that i am more mature than most teenagers these days so its a little more serious to me. I honestly feel that i lack "true friends", i mean i have tons of friends, but with very few of them i can share my secrets with and come to when im feeling down. I can honestly say that i dont openly trust any of my personal friends, some more than others, and the ones i trust the most still dont get but 70% of my story. The people that i have been able to trust have pretty much backstabbed me, or i changed my mind and ended up not giving my full story either.
I feel kind of alone alot of the time, i have many friends at school, but i dont hang out with many of them outside of school. I have only had one girlfriend in my life, not that is my main problem, but it just shows something. I think im an alright looking guy, i think im very intelligent, but there is one thing that always makes girls stray away from me.
But i have found one person whom i feel a VERY strong connection with, but the problem is i have never met this girl in real life. She is an old friend of my ex-girlfriend (my only one), she moved here from California, and this girl lives all the way back in California. I have spoken to her many many times, but i actually began talking to her on AIM like a regular friend about 3-4 months ago. I had a really early case of pneumonia and i was out of school and work for a week and a half, and i wasnt able to see anyone during that time, i just sat around the house. I developed a little crush on her, and i told her about a month in, and she surprisingly told me she feels the same thing (and still does to this day). Then about a month ago i realized that its more than just a crush, its like a subconscious mental connection. I feel that its something special, because lets face it, as a teenager most relationships you have are hormone driven, but since i cant see Brittany (this girl im talking about) in person, i think it means much more than that. I trusted her with all of my secrets, which none of my real life friends even know about, and i know you might think this is because its an online friend, what harm can she do? But i cant even trust my other online friends, im just really secure about certain things because they mean alot to me. We might meet this summer when she comes here to visit her friend (my ex). I just feel extremely connected to her, and i dont know what to do because we are 3,000 miles apart. She hasnt been able to get online the past few days because she is grounded, and i must honestly say that i feel really hollow without her words before i go to sleep. Maybe im just overanalyzing things and making small things pointlessly serious. But i will admit i have never felt this before, despite the fact that i havent even met her.
Well, my question is how do i go about this? I mean, i put myself through some extremely depressed stages because i dont have any contact with her. How do i manage to control these feelings, because they hurt me deeply very often. I just dont want to lose her as a friend either way.
Thanks in advance.