hi there Spider
I know it's a while since you posted , one month or so, but I saw your letter and had to ask how you are doing now in case you read this ?.
I am in a similar situation as you and can understand your frustration and confused thinking . ;
I have a bad disability too, , have had it 6 yrs now , it has caused a huge strain on our marriage of 34yrs ,
I have been the one trying to hold it all together ,talking it out , speaking to a councellor , but he doesn't want to try ;
he doesn't seem to see there is a problem ;
Every day goes by , he just drifts , works , talks to his friends , goes for walks with his dogs for an hour every night , has his weekend hobby every Saturday without fail which I can't be included in whatsoever due to my disability ,..
I am left on my own completely all day , so I only get outings for a meal 1/ week , or to town 1/week, when he's in the mood .. if not , there's a big argument to try and make me feel guilty for asking to go.
I have very few friends who can visit , only telephone ones to talk to , due to where we live ,..my computer is my outlet to the World , so it's a real 'Friend !!'
He won't move house 'cos it's his " paradise " , never mind that I can't even get down the steep pathway to my letterbox for my mail , in my wheelchair !..
Other people are astounded we still live here , with me 3years in this wheelchair bound situation , but he just laughs and says " We'll be ok , till I can't push her up the path anymore !"
He's so selfish at times , snarly and moody and so rude , gets into terrible tantrums in front of other people , out in public , doesn't care who sees him; or how embarrassed he makes me feel!.. yet just at times he can be nice and friendly to people to look good , a real Jeckyll & Hyde!..
I am often considering leaving him, I know I would manage with Govt. help , then all of a sudden he seems to change for a while , he can be nice , and I think ,
" maybe he's going to try and be the loving husband/ personality I want " and give him a chance ,
then all of a sudden , it changes , and he goes back to the nasty attitude again, with his bad temper ,..
something just triggers him off..
I'm so sick of always having to be 'on Guard , never knowing if what I do or say is going to cause him to explode !
later , he apologises if I bring it up to his face , but if I don't say anything , he'll just not mention it , thinking he's got off with hurting me .
Oh , yes , there have been a few 'strange incidents of 'possible' women ' maybe lurking in the background , but that is only my suspicious thinking I guess , I have no proof .
So , I am interested to know if You did get out as he asked you to do ?
what have you done , Spider since you last posted ?..
What do you suggest I do , what would You do ?..
I'd love to read anyones' opinions ? suggestions ?