I've been married for 7.5 years and then separated for 2.5 years. I recently started online connections thru one site in particular and met about 3 or 4 guys since late October.
What I'd like to know is, is this really what dating is shaping up to be these days? I'm 34 and can remember when guys never approached me, I've been told it's an intimidation thing.
The real question here is, are guys dating online for only sex - is that the expectation? All the questions and conversations online are totally sexual really, except this one guy. But is that the consensus, is online dating for sex-relationships and should I not expect more?
I think it depends more on the guy you meet, rather then the website. But maybe some online sites are designated more for sexual encounters than for relationships. I used an online dating service a couple years ago when I was in college and had great success finding a girl perfect for me. But I also wasn't looking for sex. I was looking to get to know someone. I am defnitely not a one night stand kind of guy. So if you are looking for a serious relationship, don't despair. There are most likely a lot of nice guys out there, you just need to recognize them.
I met my fiance online, so it's not always just sex. What I did was find guys who had sincere sounding profiles and contacted them, rather than responding to the ones who picked me. I think the just-looking-for-sex guys are a little more aggressive, so just like in real life, if you're sitting back and waiting to be contacted, your more likely to get the players.
I met my fiance online, so it's not always just sex. What I did was find guys who had sincere sounding profiles and contacted them, rather than responding to the ones who picked me. I think the just-looking-for-sex guys are a little more aggressive, so just like in real life, if you're sitting back and waiting to be contacted, your more likely to get the players.
Really?? Wow, that is very interesting. My experience with online dating was that the guys whom I contacted myself never seemed to pan out. They were too sure of themselves since they already knew I was interested in them. My friend said the same thing. Hmm, I guess it could go both ways. It just always worked better for me when the guy was the first one to contact me. Still, I never had one good relationship from online dating. The men I dated long term and had strong bonds with were met in person. But there are some people I know who did meet their boyfriends and even husbands online, so it's all a matter of luck.
Also, one thing I noticed is that the same guys are on these sites for years and years. How is that possible that they don't ever find someone compatible???
It depends on the site you use, I think. There are some sites out there that cater to people just looking for a casual "good time." But keep in mind that you have to do the screening, there really isn't anyone else there helping you police who gets through, so you just have to use your judgment. If a guy starts talking about sexually related things in the first email or two, that right there's a red flag. Use your judgment and take precautions. Don't give out your last name or your address. Meet in a public place, and take your own car. If he gets there first and has a drink waiting for you, don't drink from it. Never drink anything you didn't see go from the bartender or waitress to your own hand. Basic CYA 101. Keep an open mind, have fun, stay safe!
Ruby, you remind me of something funny. At first, I put a true-to-self nice profile, with justinluck as my username. Girls never responded back and I never got any girls trying to contact me. So then, I re-wrote my profile to sound arrogant and cocky. I also changed my username to Man_4_You.
The hits came rolling in, one after another! LOL. Tons of interested e-mails from girls I have never even contacted before. I didn't change my pic either. Funny huh?
So I guess it's true that most girls aren't attracted to guys who will treat them well and would rather be with a narcissist!?
Yep, pretty sad. See, I'm a nice guy (with some cocky attitude) and am wild in bed with a woman. A friend of mine have told me that some girl told him that she wasn't into me because I seemed "nice" and therefore are very likely to be boring in bed. Jesus go figure huh? Just because I can be really nice sometimes doesn't mean I would be that nice in bed, in fact it is quite the opposite (in a good way of course).
Yep, pretty sad. See, I'm a nice guy (with some cocky attitude) and am wild in bed with a woman. A friend of mine have told me that some girl told him that she wasn't into me because I seemed "nice" and therefore are very likely to be boring in bed. Jesus go figure huh? Just because I can be really nice sometimes doesn't mean I would be that nice in bed, in fact it is quite the opposite (in a good way of course).
Sigh ladies do not really want a nice guy.
Yeah I know what you mean man, girls think nice guys are bad in bed, what a load of crap!!! The bad boy will end his session in 1 minute.
I working on loosing my nice guy traits, if a woman complains that there are no more nice guys well then stuff them it's their own fault.
The nice guy is more focused on pleasing his partner in bed. The bad boy only cares about his own needs. So any woman who thinks a nice guy would be terrible in bed isn't reasoning things through.
I think most women do marry "nice" guys, as opposed to self absorbed jerks. They might date the "bad boy" but will almost always settle down with the nicer guy. Same goes for men, probably. Now "nice" shouldn't mean the person is a pushover with no personality. I like nice guys who have a little "edge."
My "nice guy" WAS boring in bed.....and everywhere else!
Haha--well, I don't know if your ex guy would qualify as "nice." From everything you described, I always thought he was strange, selfish, and cheap. And boring, yes, but not necessarily nice.
You're right, Sophia. All those adjectives DO describe him. However, he was "nice" in that he was agreeable as to what we watched, what we listened to, what to drink....in other words, he never expressed an adverse opinion.
The nice guy is more focused on pleasing his partner in bed. The bad boy only cares about his own needs. So any woman who thinks a nice guy would be terrible in bed isn't reasoning things through.
guys, the problem with women is that they have a tendency to categorize ALL men into EITHER nice guys (boring, passive,etc.) OR bad boys (exciting, edgy). although we are less complicated than they are, we're not that simple. there's a broad spectrum of possibilities...just 'cause you're "nice" doesn't mean boring..matter of fact, i've almost never met what they keep describing as "nice". most guys are just "normal".
as far as online dating goes, its no different than traditional methods. you're either lucky or not. and its a number's game just like real life.
Ruby, you remind me of something funny. At first, I put a true-to-self nice profile, with justinluck as my username. Girls never responded back and I never got any girls trying to contact me. So then, I re-wrote my profile to sound arrogant and cocky. I also changed my username to Man_4_You.
The hits came rolling in, one after another! LOL. Tons of interested e-mails from girls I have never even contacted before. I didn't change my pic either. Funny huh?
So I guess it's true that most girls aren't attracted to guys who will treat them well and would rather be with a narcissist!?
Oh my god, that made me laugh! My guy had a very nice profile. He was cute and outdoorsy (like me) and wrote very well. I avoided profiles like Man_4_You like the plague (no offense).
Really?? Wow, that is very interesting. My experience with online dating was that the guys whom I contacted myself never seemed to pan out. They were too sure of themselves since they already knew I was interested in them.
Also, one thing I noticed is that the same guys are on these sites for years and years. How is that possible that they don't ever find someone compatible???
Hmmm... that's a good point. Maybe I just got lucky. I wasn't really in a hurry, just got out a nasty relationship, so I was pretty careful to pick someone whose profile spoke to me. I remember making myself not write back to some of the guys who approached me who were very hot, but did not have anything in common with me. When I saw my guy's profile he just seemed like such a good fit. Cute, outdoorsy and active, very articulate.
As for the guys on for years, I think you know the answer there! I wish they'd confine themselves to the casual dating sites.
Hmmm... that's a good point. Maybe I just got lucky. I wasn't really in a hurry, just got out a nasty relationship, so I was pretty careful to pick someone whose profile spoke to me. I remember making myself not write back to some of the guys who approached me who were very hot, but did not have anything in common with me. When I saw my guy's profile he just seemed like such a good fit. Cute, outdoorsy and active, very articulate.
As for the guys on for years, I think you know the answer there! I wish they'd confine themselves to the casual dating sites.
Btw, Ruby, I wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT!
Thanks!! I'm really excited. He's a great guy. And it only took me 14 years of dating and relationships to find the right one.
Hey, maybe 14 is a lucky number in love! I am now entering into my 14th year of dating (or more accurately at present, not dating) too. Maybe it will be lucky for me also
