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Old 01-06-2006, 06:40 PM   #1
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Crush on daughter's teacher update

Well as you all know I went to the christmas party at my daughter's school and I helped the teacher out all day. We both flirted(or so I thought we were). I have had a crush on him since august and over christmas break I finally got the nerve up to write him a really nice letter and tell him how I feel. I gave it to my daughter in a sealed envelope to give to him on wednesday. It said things like how nice I thought he was and how I really liked him and wanted to get to know him more but that I did not want him to feel uncomfortable because he was my daughter's teacher. I gave him both phone numbers and an e-mail address and it is now friday...three days later and still no response. What should I do? I still have to go to parent/teacher conferences and help out in the class. He is not responding and now I am just really embarrassed is three days too soon to expect a response? Please help!!

 
Old 01-06-2006, 07:52 PM   #2
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

If he's interested, he'd have responded on the same day. But hey, there are still hopes, maybe he's not sure, maybe he's considering ...

Fingers crossed. But it's a very brave thing that you did, to express your feelings in such difficult situation, well done.

 
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Old 01-06-2006, 07:56 PM   #3
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

Hopefully he's just playin it cool and you might here from him soon. Best of luck!

 
Old 01-06-2006, 08:01 PM   #4
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

That is what I was thinking too, is that if he liked me he would have gotten a hold of me by now. It is weird because everytime I am around him I get the feeling that we are mutually attracted to one another. My daughter thinks that he likes me too. he asked me to be a part of his cancer walk team and everytime we talk he gets nervous and blushes. I just feel insecure because I am a bigger girl like 5'5" 230 pounds but I am really pretty still. He is a big guy like 6'5" 325-350 pounds so I thought for sure the big thing wouldn't matter. I just feel really let down...I waited for a lot of clues before I acted...now I just feel let down and like I am not worth anything. The least he could do is write me back or call me or e-mail me to say hey thanks for the compliment but I am not interested...maybe he is gay...who knows...lol thanks for the advice I need all I can get PLEASE HELP anyone! I just don't know what I should do now when I go help out in the classroom or on field trips how can I even do that now or even beable to look him in the eye I feel so humiliated...please I need advice!

 
Old 01-06-2006, 08:03 PM   #5
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

what does playing it cool mean? I am confused...please let me know what this means...why do guys like to keep women in suspense???

 
Old 01-07-2006, 01:45 PM   #6
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

With all due respect, you did not handle things appropriatley. You should have NEVER given your daughter a "sealed" love letter (my words there) to hand deliver to your "crush". VERY unappropriate. This man is a professional and with all the things in the news about teachers, he is doing the right thing by not responding to you. You should have approched him as a confident women and adressed this with him personally rather than using your daughter as a UPS delivery person. If I were you, my hopes would be that the note is still in your daughters backpack as she forgot to give it to him.

Kudos to this man. He is doing the right thing in protecting himself. You go teacher!!!
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Last edited by TomsWife; 01-07-2006 at 01:49 PM.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 02:41 PM   #7
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

Oh no did I really do something that awful??? That was never my intention. Reading your reply made me feel awful! It was a sealed envelope my daughter had no idea what was in it. I mean come on...I am shy and the letter was not a quote on quote love letter all it said was that I thought we had a lot in common and he seems like a great guy and that I wanted to atleast let him know I was interested before he slipped through the cracks. Is dating my daughter's teacher a crime. So what he is a teacher I don't see where this is sooo wrong. Now you have made me feel like I will never be able to go back to the classroom to help. I feel majorly embarrassed!!

 
Old 01-07-2006, 02:52 PM   #8
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenixgal77
Oh no did I really do something that awful??? That was never my intention. Reading your reply made me feel awful! It was a sealed envelope my daughter had no idea what was in it. I mean come on...I am shy and the letter was not a quote on quote love letter all it said was that I thought we had a lot in common and he seems like a great guy and that I wanted to atleast let him know I was interested before he slipped through the cracks. Is dating my daughter's teacher a crime. So what he is a teacher I don't see where this is sooo wrong. Now you have made me feel like I will never be able to go back to the classroom to help. I feel majorly embarrassed!!
I'm sorry, my post was not to make you feel 'awful'. It's a reality in todays world.
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Old 01-07-2006, 03:08 PM   #9
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

Quote:
Originally Posted by TomsWife
I'm sorry, my post was not to make you feel 'awful'. It's a reality in todays world.
I agree that it was probably not the best way to handle it and using your daughter as a messenger was not a good decision, in my opinion. The teacher probably feels embarrassed too and not sure what to do. I mean, even if he does like you and would date you under different circumstances, the fact that he's your daughter's teacher creates a conflict of interest of sorts. I'm not sure if it would even be allowed by the school, until he's no longer teaching your daughter. It would be an awkward situation, at best. I'm surprised you didn't think about this before giving him the letter. There was always the possibility that he might not be interested, for whatever reason, and that you would end up embarrassed and uncomfortable. Did you not consider that possibility?

What's done is done now, however, and I guess the best thing would be to try and forget about it. If he doesn't respond in any way, just pretend nothing ever happened and act normal around him during PTA meetings, etc. That's really the best you can do. Good luck.

Last edited by SophiaM; 01-07-2006 at 03:12 PM.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 03:17 PM   #10
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

I think that what you did is quite innocent on your part, and you shouldn't feel awful. I understand where Marylin is coming from, and I don't mean to make comparisons here, but I often read in the Newspapers how teachers get in real trouble because of their naivty in dealing with their students. Also, how could he be a 100% that this letter is from you. Teachers tend to think that pupils like to make funny jokes of them sometimes.
It would be wiser, like Sophia suggested to have waited until this teacher is no longer your daughter's teacher.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 03:18 PM   #11
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

I didn't just go into this blindly. I waited 5 months before even writting this letter. You see, every field trip he would assign seats and always put me up by him. He asked me to be a part of his cancer walk team in february and he left little hints here and there. I wasn't sure I should write the letter but then everyone kept telling me to do it because of what "tom's wife" had mentioned about this day and age with teachers he is sooo cautious that even if he did like me he would never make the first move because it would be considered out of line. If I didn't like him the same way he could get fired if I told the school that he came on to me. my daughter told him one day that I liked him and then he went up to her later in the day and asked my daughter if she thought I really liked him...now why would he do this unless he liked me? Oh well I don't know what to do now...

 
Old 01-07-2006, 03:47 PM   #12
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenixgal77
I didn't just go into this blindly. I waited 5 months before even writting this letter. You see, every field trip he would assign seats and always put me up by him. He asked me to be a part of his cancer walk team in february and he left little hints here and there. I wasn't sure I should write the letter but then everyone kept telling me to do it because of what "tom's wife" had mentioned about this day and age with teachers he is sooo cautious that even if he did like me he would never make the first move because it would be considered out of line. If I didn't like him the same way he could get fired if I told the school that he came on to me. my daughter told him one day that I liked him and then he went up to her later in the day and asked my daughter if she thought I really liked him...now why would he do this unless he liked me? Oh well I don't know what to do now...
Well, it's very possible that he does like you, but he might be afraid to proceed because of the awkward situation it might create. Is he going to teach your daughter for much longer? I really think it would be strange for him to date his current student's mom. He has to take into consideration that the girl might tell other kids in class, that his superiors will find out and cause him problems, etc. And what would happen if the relationship didn't work out? He would still have to see your daughter in the classroom and you at the parent meetings. Talk about awkward. That's why I think the only way he would go for it and date you is if he's no longer your daughter's teacher.

As for what you should do now, I don't think you should do anything. If he doesn't say anything about the letter, I would just pretend nothing happened and act as if he never received it. I know, it's not easy, but what can you do? If you try to apologize or discuss it with him, etc., he will probably feel even more uncomfortable.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 04:41 PM   #13
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

Nina and Soph...
Great advise. You both brought other aspects to this situation that I could not afford at the moment. I truly did not want you to feel bad OP. just concerned.
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Old 01-07-2006, 04:48 PM   #14
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

Yeah but that happens anywhere. I don't see it really being a bad thing. People date others they work with even though they shouldn't. My daughter ends school in the beginning of may. Why did he ask me to be a part of hiscancer walk team in february...I guess that means he would just ask anyone to be a part of it?? Thanks for all the advice I might have to pull my daughter out of this school and put her in the school across the way from us (it is actually the same exact distance away) as I am just too embarassed to even see him again.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 05:04 PM   #15
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Re: Crush on daughter's teacher update

Phoenixgal ~ I've been watching from a distance and must say that from what you have described there are definite indications that this teacher has some interest perhaps attraction towards you. But having gone through the elementary school years twice and seeing how things work as much as he may have some attraction towards you, acting upon it would be deemed unprofessional & could affect his job as a teacher since it could defintely be viewed by others as a "conflict of interest".

Please do not pull your daughter out of the school. This would be something that could affect her since I am sure that she has established friendships and has gotten accustomed to her teachers expectations. She is more than halfway through the school year and it would be such a big adjustment for her to make. I suggest that you look at it as if you took a great risk to let this man know that you are interested which may leave the door open for something in the future when your daughter is no longer in his class for him to act upon without feeling as if it will compromise his teaching position. Pulling your daughter out of the class will give her the message that you can run away from things when you feel uncomfortable rather than being brave enough to take a risk for something that you feel may be worthwhile.

Put your chin up and be proud of taking a risk that not many would have. I agree that it may not have been the best way of handling things but it isn't something that you should beat yourself up about either.

If you haven't seen the movie "The Perfect Man" I suggest you rent the DVD. Sounds like it will make you forget about all of this and give you a good laugh too!!!

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 01-07-2006 at 05:10 PM.

 
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