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Old 01-06-2006, 11:17 PM   #1
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Emilysmommie05 HB User
A small lie ended it, was i wrong?

Okay, so i am real embarassed about this but here it goes:
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years and have a baby together. We recently seperated and the reason was because he could not get over the fact that he thought i slept with this guy who is now my best friends fiance' but after we broke up i told him the truth, i really did not have sex with him i told him that we did when we were first together ( 5 years ago) to make him jealous. and i was only 16 when we first started dating, i admit it was very stupid to lie about something like that, but i was young and dumb, and he still is trying to forgive me. But he does not want me to be friends with my best friend of 8 years anymore because she is with this guy and they are getting married. I am so torn. we are not back together yet, but we are working on it, and i love him ,but i also don't want to give up my best friend. What should i do? and do you think he is right for being so upset about the people i had sex with before i met him? i am so confused.and hurt.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 04:15 AM   #2
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JennaLynnK HB User
Re: A small lie ended it, was i wrong?

I don't really have much advice for you on this whole subject, its a trust issue that you two need to work on together, but I do want to say this... Never ever let a boy come between too friends. You said yourself you aren't even sure if things are going to work out between you too, you want to loose him and your friend too?

 
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Old 01-07-2006, 04:40 AM   #3
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helpmarie HB User
Re: A small lie ended it, was i wrong?

emilysmom, you are so young still and have not experienced many relationships. unfortunately, whether you break up or not, you are connected my your child for at least another couple of decades, that's a wholenother lifetime for you i have learned that once trust is lost, a relationship's odds are very slim. another thing, affair or no affair, it's not wise to let your man tell you who you can see, you are not a child anymore and he may see you that way still. while in a relationship that you hope to be long term, you have to look for little signs that tell you about your future w/that person. ask yourself, if he tells me who to see now, what will he try to prohibit later? if he can not trust you, he may make you miserable ... you can do that alone right? sweet young emilysmom, i think you willhave many more relationships, learning and growing from each one. for now, focus on the baby, that's your permanent relathionship. i know i sound preachy, thats because i used to be you. when i was 16 i got pregnant, i was with my son's father for several years while he kept me from friends, social gatherings, even family. that was a very long time ago and my son is a teenager himself now. i wish i had embraced more of my teenager years instead of spending them under someone's thumb. i will shut up now. good luck to you. oh, one last sermon, please do not take offense. when you are young woman, you are still nieve and really unfamiliar w/relationships. you cant follow your heart because you're inexperienced w/love. you cant use your head because you still don't know enough about the world. listen to people who have been there, trust that they just want you not to learn things the hard way as they did. talk to your mom, auntie, siser, coworker. a woman..... i'm really shutting up now.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 06:35 AM   #4
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Music4All HB User
Re: A small lie ended it, was i wrong?

I'm confused:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilysmommie05
1....he thought i slept with this guy who is now my best friends fiance' but after we broke up i told him the truth, i really did not have sex with him i told him that we did when we were first together ( 5 years ago) to make him jealous.

2....do you think he is right for being so upset about the people i had sex with before i met him?.
No that it is that important the the underlying question, but to make sure I understand the facts, can you clarify that you did not (#1) or you did (#2) have sex with the friends fiance?

 
Old 01-07-2006, 07:03 AM   #5
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SophiaM HB User
Re: A small lie ended it, was i wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Music4All
I'm confused:


No that it is that important the the underlying question, but to make sure I understand the facts, can you clarify that you did not (#1) or you did (#2) have sex with the friends fiance?
From what I understood, the poster did NOT have sex with the friend's current fiance. She just told her bf she had to make him jealous. But she was only 16 then and 16-year-olds can say a lot of not so wise things.

I think the only thing you can do is to tell him you were an immature teenager then and tried to make him jealous with that story. Tell him he can ask the other guy to confirm. If he continues to not believe you, I guess you can't do much to convince him. Good luck!

 
Old 01-07-2006, 07:24 AM   #6
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Music4All HB User
Re: A small lie ended it, was i wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
From what I understood, the poster did NOT have sex with the friend's current fiance. She just told her bf she had to make him jealous.
I read that part, but then the following made little sense in context:

Quote:
...do you think he is right for being so upset about the people i had sex with before i met him
If she did not have sex with him before they got together, why ask the question if he is right for being upset with the people she had sex with before they got together.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 07:29 AM   #7
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Re: A small lie ended it, was i wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Music4All
I read that part, but then the following made little sense in context:



If she did not have sex with him before they got together, why ask the question if he is right for being upset with the people she had sex with before they got together.
I think that question was more theoretical, meaning even if she did have sex with that guy, does the current guy have a right to be so upset about it, since it would have happened before she met him. just my interpretation of the post, though. hopefully the poster will clarify for us.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 11:06 AM   #8
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bluegreeneyeguy HB User
Re: A small lie ended it, was i wrong?

Yes. More info is needed. Either way, The BF should be concentrating on his child, not some guy before him.

 
Old 01-07-2006, 05:56 PM   #9
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Emilysmommie05 HB User
Re: A small lie ended it, was i wrong?

I DID NOT have sex with the guy, Also at the end of my post i was being theoretical. He shouldn't care either way is what i was trying to say.

 
Old 01-08-2006, 01:51 AM   #10
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bluegreeneyeguy HB User
Re: A small lie ended it, was i wrong?

Maybe he doesn"t want you around your friend because your friend is marrying a guy, whom to your BF you either, slept with or think highly enough to lie about sleeping with. This has actually has nothing do with your friend.
Your BF is young, immature and been lied to. That"s a bad combo.
BTW, Why would you want to make any guy jealous by stating you slept with your friend"s guy. Couldn"t that have led to a problem within the friendship? If that lie came to the forefront.

Last edited by bluegreeneyeguy; 01-08-2006 at 01:56 AM.

 
Old 01-08-2006, 08:18 AM   #11
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Emilysmommie05 HB User
Re: A small lie ended it, was i wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluegreeneyeguy
Maybe he doesn"t want you around your friend because your friend is marrying a guy, whom to your BF you either, slept with or think highly enough to lie about sleeping with. This has actually has nothing do with your friend.
Your BF is young, immature and been lied to. That"s a bad combo.
BTW, Why would you want to make any guy jealous by stating you slept with your friend"s guy. Couldn"t that have led to a problem within the friendship? If that lie came to the forefront.
Yeah i didn't really think about that because i was so mad at him at the time because his es-girlfriend was always around because she was friends with his cousins girlfriend who lived across the street, so i guess i wanted him to feel the same way i felt, like i said i was 16 when i told him this lie, and i just now told him the truth that it was a lie. I did date the guy, and my friend knew i told my BF that, and she laughed and understood ( she is a great friend) so i told him i slept with him before i even met my BF i never lied and told him that i cheated on him, i told him it was before i met him, but like i said before do you think he should even be able to get upset about who i did and did not have sex with before i met him? and he stayed with me for 5 years then all of sudden ends it over this? and alot of other things that i will post in a minute. But do you think he is being fair?

 
Old 01-08-2006, 08:48 AM   #12
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Re: A small lie ended it, was i wrong?

It is fair to have any requirements one wants to have on a person they are in a relationship with. It is like asking if it is fair that a person feels a way that they do. What is at issue is not if it is fair for him or if he has the right, rather the issue is if you want to be with a person that has that requirement to know. He has a right to want to know, you have an equal right not to tell him. If he insists on knowing and being mad, you might need to take the psosition that it is his loss and move on.

People need to accept that if you are entering into a relationship, the partner has a right to whatever rules they want to set. The balance to this is that if they feel so strong about their need to know something and you feel equally strong about your rigth to keep it private, then the relationship may not be a good fit. But to say that a person does not have the right to insist knowing implies that you don't have the ability to free yourself from the relationship.

Everyone has the right to establish what they need in a relationship so long as they are willing to pay the price of perhaps being dumped by those that don't agree with those needs.

Last edited by Music4All; 01-08-2006 at 08:48 AM.

 
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