Am stressing about something..I have a new Boyfriend..well I'm a Big Gal and he knows..he loves and accepts me as I am for loves sake BUT wants me to shape up so we can have hot sex..for some reason he is afraid when he repeatedly asks for sex it will tire me..he has a very high sex drive and thinks if I'm not a certain weight/size I won't want it as much as he does or be able to keep up..he is a young Man(28)and he does have a high sex drive(which I also have which is a plus)but he will have a refractory period which I don't have..I can keep going as often as I want..what is stressing me so much about it is I'm afraid if I'm not a certain weight/size by time he arrives(which we're aiming for September)he will not want me..I'm kind of stubborn about such because all of my life others have wanted me to change(lose weight)for them when I feel people should accept up as we are and to make changes like that should be for us and our health..therefore I bulked on losing weight in times past..I already have a poor image about my body and will be scared to get naked in front of him..I do want to lose weight and shape up but for the right reasons..I'm very worried about this..
If you feel that you need to/want to shape up then do it. But do it all on your own terms and completely for yourself.
Anyone can have great sex, it doesn't matter how much you weigh. I think its incredibly insensitive on your boyfriends part for him to even suggest something like that, specially for the reasons he did.
If you don't do things for yourself its only going to make you feel worse about yourself. Your you, and theres never going to be another you, so you have to learn to love yourself or no one else is going to be able to make you happy. If you lost weight for him, then only thing that would happen is you would find something else wrong with yourself.
You have to do it because you want to do it, because you want to feel better about yourself.
Don't give what he says a second thought, you just focus on making yourself happy, whether that means loosing weight or not.
If you have to tell him not to say anything to you about your weight anymore, whether its suppose to be mean or not. If he continues to say things along those lines simply suggest that if his penis were longer, sex might be more enjoyable. Hes giving you a low blow thats causing you some serious self esteem issues, do the same right back to him and see how he likes it. It doesn't have to be the truth either.
Last edited by JennaLynnK; 01-07-2006 at 04:12 AM.
Sex is the wrong reason to lose weight and way too huge a focus for this early in the relationship.
I would have been more encouraged if he had discussed that he wants you as healthy as you can be so that you will be around until you are ninety-nine.
I'm guessing that this is an online situation and you haven't met face to face before?
Sex shouldn't even be in the picture on this trip (and please tell me that he is NOT staying with you on this first trip)
in terms of the bigger picture, be careful of the type of thinking that leads you down the road of, 'if i just do such-and-such a thing, i'll finally be happy...' it sounds like your boyfriend is guilty of this flawed thinking. he may think that the sex will be better or he will love you more if you lose weight, but it would be a short-lived improvement. that is, sex is about a level of intimacy that transcends our physical selves.
all i know is, a boyfriend and i once decided to join gyms and tone up. when the relationship ended we were both in great physical shape, but i liked him and the sex a lot more when we were happier and we were ten pounds heavier!
It is harder for larger people to have an easier sex..both my Boyfriend and I want to have an exceptional sexual relationship and being as big as I am it will be impossible..I couldn't comfortably put my legs over his shoulders,be on top for him to maneuver me,light enough to hold me in his arms as we make love,bounce me certain ways that are pleasurable and in the way for an easier penetration..he(as well as I)want to include certain sexual play in our relationship I've never experienced before such as 69,Anal sex and Doggy style..my being a big Girl those styles would be uncomfortable and harder to do..when both are happy and satisfied it calls for a happy and blissful relationship..and a happy sexual relationship keeps the remainder of the relationship balanced..being as big I am would call for not only a displeasing sexual relation but it may mar the rest of our relationship if the sexual was out of balance..am not saying sex is the most important aspect of the relationship because it's not but it IS very important..you are right I am me but if I don't love me no one else will either..we have to love ourselves before others can love us and I'm not happy at this size..we Human's are just visual people that is the fact of the matter and we have a certain set of criteria we find interesting and are attracted to..even I have certain guidelines(for lack of better word)..we all do..I told him my asking him to have $100,000 in his pocket by time he arrived would be impossible and an unrealistic demand/expectation as losing such a significant amount of weight in a short period of time but that was before we were able to talk,discuss it further and before I truly understood his reasonings..
Last edited by Lotus_Blossom; 01-15-2006 at 01:48 AM.
He DOES want me to be healthy and fit..he takes great pride in his body by eating healthy and working out at least 3 X's per week..this isn't only for the sex..I'm happy he has asked this of me as it is something positive and there is nothing wrong in working toward a goal then after reaching it maintaining..
But if we do feel bad about ourselves and make changes we will be happy down the road..my Boyfriend also has flaws/imperfections he is afraid I won't accept or like..we all worry from time to time about being accepted as none of us are perfect..it's not that the sex will be better the sex will be easier..and he accepts and loves me as a person for my character and inner qualities..he loves,adores and thinks my inner qualities are superb..I don't have a few vanity pounds to lose..we're talking SERIOUS pounds here..
i'm sure your boyfriend cares about your health and well-being. he obviously believes in taking pride in his body, health and wellness, otherwise he wouldn't suggest for you to start becoming healthy yourself. maybe using the "sex" reason was an excuse....it could be easier for him to express his concerns about your health that way. you said you both have great sex drive so i have no doubt there is potential for amazing sex regardless....
the bottom line is.....you have to be ready and willing to accept the fact that you may need to lose weight. once you accept this fact and are ready to make a change in your life, you will be making this decision for the right reasons. never make this decision for anybody but yourself, otherwise your heart and will won't be in it, and you will become resentful of him for making you do it.....good luck