Re: Angry at my daughter....& myself
I personally wouldn't try to contact her right now. It's too fresh in your mind and you're too angry. When she thinks you've "cooled off" she'll probably contact you. By then, maybe you will have a cooler head and you can tell her what you feel, and what you will and won't tolerate in the future. You'll be able to do it with more force and meaning if you're calm.
If you're really serious about setting some bounderies with her, just be prepared and be strong. She's probably going to use some of the more common tactics that people (especially children) use to "win" an argument. She'll lay the guilt on as thick as she can. If she already knows what buttons to push, and she probably does, she'll push them if she feels threatened. She'll remind you of every little mistake you've made in raising her. After all, she's a perfect mother and never makes mistakes. (?) She'll say anything to throw the blame on you and take focus off herself. She'll also try to get you to argue with her, another way to make you lose focus. You are the more mature one so don't let her turn the tables on you. You need to make yourself very clear without yelling, arguing, name calling, or exaggerating the issue in any way. Otherwise, she'll just try to take the focus off herself by involving you in petty arguments that go nowhere. The more "matter-of-fact" and calm you are, the more likely she'll take you seriously.
You both talk it out. She apoligizes. Things are great..........for a little while. Then, it's back to the same old behavior. You'll have to stick to your guns, not only for your own sake, but for that of your daughter's as well. If there are no real consequences for her actions, then there's no real reason for her to make long term changes. Your bounderies will be meaningless if you don't enforce them when she tries to cross them.
I hope you can work this out with her. I think if you can, you'll have a much better relationship with her. A little more give and take maybe, rather than "you give, she takes". Take care.