I know this is going to seem minor compared to what some other people are going through. I don't know where to start so I am just going to go.
I have been seeing a guy since this past November. We started going out to lunch and now it has turned into dinner dates. He has not given me a reason not to trust him or want him. He pulls my chair out, he puts my coat on me, covered me with the umbrella, pays for EVERYTHING, opened the car door, and when I am with him its like I am the only person on earth that matters at that moment.
So then why am I scared to death that he is going to hurt me? My last ex undoubtly hurt me worse than I realized because this new guy has been WONDERFUL. He is everything I have ever wanted and I can see myself with him. What is the problem you may ask? Well, he is moving extremely slow. We have not even kissed yet. I know he has a past that may be causing himi to go slow and be somewhat scared himself.
Let me give you a bit of background on new guy. He is VERY busy with work and he and I speak almost everyday with work stuff but we do not work for the same company. He has only taken one girl home to his parents and very careful who he lets in his life.
There is a bit of an age difference. 12 years. But we had so much in common and we want so many of the same things out of life. It's like deep down I know I am supposed to be with him but it's like he is going so slow I am scared I am just going to get hurt.
But then I know he has to be interested because this week I was flying/traveling for work and he called me before and after my flight just to check on me and checked on me one other night this week. He even called me during the day to just share part of his day with me. He also gave me a link of his best friend's webpage that has his bf's little girl on it. She just turned one and my guy is very close to that family.
So am I just worrying over nothing? Does he like me and why would he be moving so slowly?
I hope this makes sense. My mind has been jumbled most of the weekend. Any advice or response would be great!
Hmm, that is a little bit strange. He hasn't tried to even kiss you since November? I would say that's not very common, especially with a guy who is so much older--they should usually have more confidence. So it's all platonic right now? Does he know you're interested in him and find him attractive? I don't know what to say, but this is definitely something out of the ordinary that the man would not even try to kiss you. Does he hold your hand when you go out, embrace you, touches you in any way that's not completely platonic?? I can't blame you for feeling confused.
First of all Gamecock what great news I know that you have been hurt in the past and part of opeining your heart up to somebody else is once again taking the risk of getting hurt all over again. It's good that you are able to feel good enough again to fear getting hurt...it means that this guy is obviously important to you and that you are finding yourself in familiar waters of investing in a relationship again.
It's all normal for you to be feeling this way. I think that the most important thing for you to do right now is not make the mistake of throwing the faults of any past guys upon this guy. Okay???
From what you describe he sounds wonderful and someone worth waiting for. Okay....so he's taking it slow....perhaps he senses the need to do so. Have you shared with him in anyway your past relationship to give him any reason to feel that he ought to take things slow??? He sounds like a gentleman and the relationship being fairly new may make him feel as if he may push you away if he moves too fast. Also from your post it only sounds as if you have gone out on a few lunch/dinner dates....how many in all??
I know....I would think after a few dates that he would be making some type of move especially if there is attraction. The fact that he has included you in such a way as introducing you to his best friend's website is definitely a great sign.
Is there a possibility that he knows how hurt you were in your last relationship??? That is my first impression as to why he may be taking things slow and perhaps YOU will have to make a move in order to show him in some way that you are ready for that "first kiss".
Anyway....I am happy for you and think that this all should work out over time. Do you think you could ask him??? Just a thought!! ~ Goody
Last edited by goody2shuz; 01-08-2006 at 07:51 PM.
I like your interpretation, Goody, but what guy waits two months to kiss a girl? Something is strange about this, in my view.
I must agree.....but if Gamecock in someway left him with the impression that her last relationship really broke her heart....well he may just want to show her that there are still guys willing to win over a lady's broken heart without scaring her away.
I admit.....I had to think back and think when I got my first kiss from all the guys in my past and must say that this is quite a long time to wait for a kiss....but if he got some signal from Gamecock that she is in a fragile state he may just be taking things slow to make sure he doesn't scare her a way!!
We have been on a total of four dates. Which really isn't a lot since November. he brought up past relationships on our last date and asked me what happened and I gave him the short version. He knows I was hurt but he also knows that chapter has been closed. He also was in a five year relationship in which he was engaged and then they had to break it off. Then he was in a one year relationship where he knew the girl wasn't the one and had to tell her. So I think we have both been hurt.
The last date I kinda asked him and I told him at dinner that I had wanted to ask him for a while and he blushed and got all shy for a few moments. He does constantly call me darlin and sweety and touches me in the small of my back and has hugged me. And not a friend hug...one where he engulfed all of me.
I want to take the step further and touch his hand to hold it or something but I am scared he is gonna wonder what I am doing. I guess I am not quite that confident to go that far. Maybe I will get he confidence before this date. haha
I do think he is interested because I don't think he would continue checking on me and sharing his day with me if I was just another client.
It's just all so hard. I have come so far since the last time I posted. I have just worked on me the last couple of months but something just seems right with him and I am so scared I am not going to get the chance at a good decent man for once.
Thank you for all your advice you guys ALWAYS make me feel better!!!
Gamecock, sweetie....it's only been 4 dates and I really have a feeling that those 4 dates were gettting to know you dates and to gauge where you stand. The 12 years he has on you I think are somewhat taking on a protective nature.....I think you need to show him in some unmistakable way that you are really interested in him enough to take the risk of giving your heart to a man again!! Otherwise you may be waiting for that kiss for a long time yet!!!
Yup....it's time to pucker those lips up and land one on him when he least expects it!! You deserve it and somebody has to break the ice here....just think of it as something that you may tell your grandchildren one day how grandma went in for the "first kiss"!!
You want to let him know that these lunches and dinners are more than business to you....right?? ~ Goody
Who knows, maybe he's just an unusually shy man and is not sure you would be interested in him, given the age difference? I don't think any 12-years older man would only aim for a platonic relationship with a woman, so chances are, he's just extremely shy. However, when I was your age, I was dating a man who was 14-years older and he had no problem trying to kiss me on the first date. All men are different, though. Perhaps it's a good sign, after all?
It's weird. I feel so good about this one that its going right opposed to some of my other relationships that I did some things that I probably not should have done. I think I could be a little more productive in letting him know how I feel about him. I am just shy because I am scared. But thats what life is...taking chances and putting yourself back out there.
I will keep you guys updated as to what happens. I think I may just be worrying a tad too much....