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Old 01-09-2006, 11:01 AM   #1
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digmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB Userdigmusic HB User
got dumped, feeling bad

I guess you wouldn't even call it dumped, I wasn't officially dating this boy, but basically we were sleeping together and hanging out all the time for a couple months, maybe a little less. I was away from him for two weeks for the holidays, he sent me a couple emails. Then I see him yesterday for the first time, he says we have to talk. he says look I like you as a friend but I just don't think we should go on together anymore. The best explanation he gave for this was that he "wanted to be alone" which I think is the biggest load of b.s. He just doesn't like me anymore, and when I said that he was basically like well, yeah. I know that he didn't treat me with respect and I should be the one to say well f that, but I just feel so down. I feel like if I were prettier or better in some way, this wouldn't have happened. I really like this guy and feel really depressed. Any comments would be appreciated.

 
Old 01-09-2006, 11:37 AM   #2
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galinaqt HB User
Re: got dumped, feeling bad

Lot of people were "dumped" many times and it feels hurtful but then you meet somebody else. If person didn't treat you with respect you certainly don't need him and it is a good thing that you not with him any more.

 
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Old 01-09-2006, 01:26 PM   #3
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reddoorblack HB User
Re: got dumped, feeling bad

It happens to us all. It doesn't have anything with not being pretty enough or smart enough, etc. I think this guy was using you and you are much better off without him. I'm sure you are pretty and all those other things. You will find the right guy who deserves you and treats you well and with respect. Take care.

 
Old 01-09-2006, 01:29 PM   #4
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Aerith_Rose HB User
Re: got dumped, feeling bad

Dear Digmusic ,

I know what you mean by begin depressed, it hard when someone you care for just one day says goodbye with out any real reason. Digmusic you sound like a very sweet and beautiful young woman. I’m extremely sorry that you have to experience the horrible pain of losing someone you obviously love so deeply, but having been through something very similar myself, I promise you that in time the pain will lessen and that eventually, you’ll love again

This man is just not the right partner for you, no matter how strongly you feel about him, because if he was, then he would want to be with you and love you as much as you love him. He knows that this isn’t the case and therefore wants to spare either of you further pain by ending things now rather than stretching them out any further…however, I know that this fact doesn’t make you feel any better now and that it will probably take some time before you’re able to feel some comfort (or anything but devastating pain and loss) over this breakup. For what it’s worth, everything you are feeling now is totally normal and while unfortunate, you’ll ultimately be better off without a man who doesn’t fully appreciate you and wholeheartedly want to be with you.

The best thing to do is not ignore or shut out your feelings—cry, yell, vent, whatever you feel the need to do, try to surround yourself with supportive people who care about you, try to maintain as normal a routine as possible and keep busy when you feel up to it, don’t put pressure on yourself to “get over it” according to any arbitrary timetable.

One thing I do know for sure is this “My heart goes out to you- Again, I’m just so sorry for you, although I think this is ultimately for the best and was sadly inevitable…I really hope you will lean on us here at healthboards whenever you feel even the slightest need to vent, talk about your feelings, seek advice, or just have someone listen and offer support. Hang in there…it will eventually get easier, and in the meantime, just go easy on yourself, try to be as good a friend as you can to yourself, and just focus on surviving each moment of the present without dwelling on the past or future. Good luck and take care ”.
Your friend,

Aerith_Rose

 
Old 01-09-2006, 03:32 PM   #5
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ErimusValidus HB User
Re: got dumped, feeling bad

I've said it before and I'll say it again: next time, try to avoid having sex until you've really tested the waters. This dude was a shark
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Last edited by ErimusValidus; 01-09-2006 at 03:32 PM.

 
Old 01-09-2006, 09:08 PM   #6
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confusedandsad HB User
Re: got dumped, feeling bad

Being not pretty, exciting, sexy, smart enough etc has NOTHING to do with why people don't want to be with us.

Sometimes a situation just isn't working. Being dumped is more of a reflection of the dumpers needs than the dumpees shortcomings.

 
Old 01-09-2006, 09:16 PM   #7
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Fabat40 HB User
Re: got dumped, feeling bad

Digmusic,

You ARE pretty. You are enough. Don't blame yourself for something this guy or any guy in the future will do.

Breaking up is never easy. Even when you get older, it's still not easy. But you will get over it, just like millions of people do. It will take time. Do something nice for yourself, something you'd been wanting to do. Do well in school, really well. Take a trip, just do something positive to get your mind off of him.

And sweetie, from now on, don't just have sex with men, unless it's on your terms. You deserve much more than that.

Last edited by Fabat40; 01-09-2006 at 09:17 PM.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 09:11 AM   #8
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Posts: 89
Drowning HB User
Re: got dumped, feeling bad

Unfortunately, when we involve ourselves in certain relationships, we have to accept the risks and the possible consequences involved. You said that you were basically "friends with benefits" - is that correct? If there is no promise of a commitment or if you both are not on the same page to working towards a relationship, then it is almost inevitable that the relationship will deteriorate.

Most likely, he realizes that your feelings are progressing deeper and he is pulling out of the relationship before he winds up hurting you worse than he has. If he is not emotionally invested in this relationship, and you are, then there is no longer an equal understanding.

 
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