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Old 01-09-2006, 08:05 PM   #1
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Question Suspicious phone calls

Hey all!
Okay heres the sitch...
Just the other day i was just looking at b/fs phone. Not a big deal, we play on eachothers phones all the time. So anyways I see his ex called, and I'm okay with that. He doesn't find her attractive yada yada, so whatever. But for some reason I clicked on it and what I saw was suspicious. Time of phone call : 1:23 (his phones on a 24hr clock so thats am.) and Duration: 93:12 .. OVER an hour and a half. Now.. to me, when you don't like someone, and you are glad they are out of your life and you only talk to them about, once a week for about 5 minutes doesn't that seem a tad strange?

SO, i confronted him, completely nonchalont (sp?) and he FLIPPED. Telling me it was "none of my business". now is that right? I just gave up asking about it because I know he wont tell me. I believe that if its happing to him and hes part of my life I should have the right to know. ESPECIALLY if its strange phone calls at odd ours of the morning for a lengthy amount of time. ... now did I have the right to ask??? Was I in the wrong?? Please let me know

 
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Old 01-09-2006, 08:18 PM   #2
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thqueenbe HB User
Re: Suspicious phone calls

Riiight....don't let him turn it around!
lol!
You have EVERY right to know. Don't let it slide because then he'll keep doing it and keep flipping it on you!

 
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Old 01-09-2006, 08:28 PM   #3
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Re: Suspicious phone calls

it's questionable... If there was a good reason, why can't he tell you? Explain your concern that way...
Surely he'd wonder the same if the tables were turned?!
Overall u guys have been together too long for something this silly, right? And I'm sure he understands communication is imperative to keeping everything happy - so maybe change your direction a little, if there's nothing to worry about, I'm sure he'll let you in.

 
Old 01-09-2006, 08:32 PM   #4
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Re: Suspicious phone calls

I tried that. He said he wouldnt care! I know hes lying. I asked everything, why where who the reason you name it! I wasnt even mad when i asked.... he just kept telling me it was none of my business! it just bothers me not knowing.. I always need to know.

Last edited by doodle_bug14; 01-09-2006 at 08:34 PM.

 
Old 01-09-2006, 08:40 PM   #5
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Re: Suspicious phone calls

I don't blame u. I think u definately have the right to know. Can you call her? Or more so, would you WANT to, and do you think she'd tell you?

 
Old 01-09-2006, 09:27 PM   #6
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Re: Suspicious phone calls

I would be affraid to call her. I'm almost positive she wouldn't give me an answer either, and then she'd know that I am insecure about her and I'm sure shes the kind of person that'd use that to her advantage. I just want to know the premise of the call.. I dont want detail for detail maybe it was "oh she called me cuz blah blah enter excuse here".... i dont need the "the she said, so i said" thing... I just want to know. It'd make me feel more secure with the situation.

Last edited by doodle_bug14; 01-09-2006 at 09:29 PM.

 
Old 01-09-2006, 09:41 PM   #7
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Fabat40 HB User
Re: Suspicious phone calls

Quote:
Originally Posted by doodle_bug14
SO, i confronted him, completely nonchalont (sp?) and he FLIPPED. Telling me it was "none of my business". now is that right? I just gave up asking about it because I know he wont tell me. I believe that if its happing to him and hes part of my life I should have the right to know. ESPECIALLY if its strange phone calls at odd ours of the morning for a lengthy amount of time. ... now did I have the right to ask??? Was I in the wrong?? Please let me know
HA! doodle-bug, it's YOUR business so as long as you two are together.

Sounds like my ex-husband, "none of your business"... was his answer when I pulled a piece of paper out of his coat pocket with some woman's name & phone number on it.... sweetie, if it's nothing, then why is he so "passionately" upset over your asking?

Listen to your "gut" doodle-bug... it speaks the truth.

And honey, one last advice, if they do it once, they'll do it again.

Just be careful sweetie you don't catch any disease from him. If you're not wearing propholactyc (sp?) before, wear them from now on until he gets completely tested.

Last edited by Fabat40; 01-09-2006 at 09:43 PM.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 12:50 AM   #8
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Gundam HB User
Re: Suspicious phone calls

don't see him again, until he tells you exactly what's going on. That's the best advice I can give you right now

 
Old 01-10-2006, 02:59 AM   #9
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bluegreeneyeguy HB User
Re: Suspicious phone calls

Good advice from everyone. Why would a guy even talk to an ex once a week if he didn"t like her? Doesn"t sound right to me.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 10:35 AM   #10
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susieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB User
Re: Suspicious phone calls

The fact that he got so mad and defensive about it should tell you something.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 11:47 AM   #11
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Re: Suspicious phone calls

Even if you stretch it a bit and figure that if you're not engaged or married that TECHnically it's none of your business...
What IS your business is whether you choose to have a steady boyfriend who keeps in contact with his ex-girlfriend.
YOUR choice. Has nothing to do with whether he thinks its your business or not!

 
Old 01-10-2006, 12:09 PM   #12
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Angry Re: Suspicious phone calls

thanks all!! But this is super hard for me. I mean him and his ex broke up after 4 years, so I don't expect him to cut her out of his life completely. The only reasons she calls is for favors. Installing things in her car yada yada yada. But his justification for not telling me what it was bout was "my phone is my business, if you asked why so-and-so (his guy friend) called I'd tell you the same thing- its none of your business. I dont know.. we've been together for a year and a half, and then some. I love him more than he knows, I just wish he would take a look at it from my point of view. I gave him the "look at it as if my ex called" he said he didnt care, but i know thats ********.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 12:27 PM   #13
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Re: Suspicious phone calls

It sounds like he's saying that his phone is none of your business.
As in "my space vs your space". Somethings are not "our space".

I have a higher privacy level than my husband. If I'm talking on the phone with a friend or typing away here on HeatlthBoards about something from my past I absolutely hate it when he listens in.
It's "none of his business".
Does that make sense?

The question is whether you truly are comfortable with him talking to his ex - because he will do it as long as he chooses to because to him it isn't "your business". If you feel it IS your business then you are truly looking for someone whose ex is in The Past.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 12:48 PM   #14
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Re: Suspicious phone calls

I suppose thats a more positive way to look at it. I wan't okay with him talking to her. It intimidated me and made me feel insecure. I would tell him this over and over, then he sat me down and did the whole "if i wanted to be with her i still would be, i love you, shes just a freind yada yada" so i understand that and im okay with that. but just that one call threw me off...

 
Old 01-10-2006, 01:28 PM   #15
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Ruby13 HB User
Re: Suspicious phone calls

I'm sorry but a 90 minute call at 1:30 am sounds sketchy to me. What I think is sketchier is that he flipped out and won't answer your question. My ex was a master at that. He would get so indignant and so upset if I asked him about anything. Turned out I had plenty to be suspiscious of.

He an be mad that you looked at his cell phone, but he should still have some kind of answer to your question. Unfortuntaely, I doubt he will. Blowing up works better for getting someone off your back.

 
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