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Old 01-10-2006, 04:05 AM   #1
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mada_3083 HB User
get my ex out of my head

well some of you might remember the breakup, it's been about 9 months... i hadn't thought about her for a month at least, thought my life was getting back into gear, then bam, no warning, no reason, just driving to go camping with some friends... thought of her. ever since, i've been as bad as when we first broke up... i haven't contacted her though.

memories flood back of what we did, words we said to one another when we thought it'd be forever. places we planned to go and didn't. trips we took... it's all flooding back to me right now. how do i get her out of my head, and how do i prevent it from happening again?

 
Old 01-10-2006, 05:26 AM   #2
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danny2006 HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

ahhh u no im going through the same **** i cant get her out of my head 24-7 i think of her everything we done i really need help i told every1 even if i dont think of her im still gunna be thinking of her i cant get on with **** without her the thing whats making it harder is she wants to be my m8 and she rings me ****** with me head finding out stuff about her new boy what shes not seeing but wants to no about him said she dnt wanna be treated like a mug help

 
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Old 01-10-2006, 05:27 AM   #3
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Aalyisha HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

this is a hard one,i actually didnt see the previous post you mentioned but how long were seeing her?

its hard to foregt such a significant period you shared with another perosn and put it out of your head like it never happened...i know some people can do this but not me! and not you either by the sounds of it but its not necesarially a bad thing, it shows your capability of really caring for someone and opening your heart to them....even though sometimes it does get broken but there is very little we can do about that..as the saying goes ' it is better to have loved, and lost then to never have loved at all'

I dont know the background of this situation, who broke up with you or who hurt who etc but from what you have said in your post i can definatley tell you that if you dont want to get back together with this girl or there is no chance or reconcilliation then i urge you not to contact her as in my experience you will only end up hurting your self more.

There is no cure for a broken heart..only time but what i can suggest is to go out and have fun,meet new people,enjoy life...no matter how much you feel as though that is the absloute last thing you want to do. It will help you to remember that there is life after the ex..and that there is fun out there and happiness and the possibility of love and new friendship.

Just to clarify i have felt like what you are probably feeling now and its so hard because one day you feel fine and are getting on with life then next thing,...BAM out of no where all the old feelings and memorys come back and its quite over whelming really but after talking to a friend i got the advice which i stated above and decided instead of trying to block all the memories out of my head, i would remember them in a way that i was almost lucky to have experienced that happiness and try to be greatfull for that and go out and enjoy myself.

i dont know if that even makes sense but its the only way i can explain it!
hope i helped but i realise that everyone has there own way of dealing with things so i hope that what i said may be able to help you feel better..if not i sincerely hope that you will be feeling better soon....

Aalyisha x

 
Old 01-10-2006, 07:19 AM   #4
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danny2006 HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

I just feel like **** all the time how did u get on 9 months its been 1 n half month and im still doing the same stuff i did i really cant get over her its like immpossible even when im not thinking about her sumthing reminds me of her then it starts all again there like is no helping me my mum n dad are fed up with it i am it hurts my head i just wanna ring her all the time she changed her numba but when she wants to speak to me she rings me it pisses me off shud i stop answering but shes the best m8 i got coz i dont even see me m8ts no more i just sit at home thinking of her help

 
Old 01-10-2006, 08:26 AM   #5
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opielonghorn HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

i know it's really hard and a lot easier said than done to get over someone. i still have moments of remembering and it's been over a year since my boyfriend and i broke up. for me (and it sounds like this is true for you, also) the best thing to do was to get rid of as many possible triggers as i could. this means music, things she gave you, photos, whatever. just throw it all in a box and forget about it temporarily. i know that some things are impossible to get rid of (environmentally), but really do as much as you can to get rid of the stuff that is reminding you of her.

the brain is very tricky, but you can outsmart it. and just remember, chances are that if she is weighing this heavily on your mind, you are probably on hers as well, at least to some degree. i promise you that it gets easier with time, and that changing your environment, your social life, etc., (as another poster suggested) can really make all the difference in the world. the more people you meet, the more you see how amazing other people are, and not just the one person you're focused on.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 06:19 PM   #6
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aalyisha
this is a hard one,i actually didnt see the previous post you mentioned but how long were seeing her?

its hard to foregt such a significant period you shared with another perosn and put it out of your head like it never happened...i know some people can do this but not me! and not you either by the sounds of it but its not necesarially a bad thing, it shows your capability of really caring for someone and opening your heart to them....even though sometimes it does get broken but there is very little we can do about that..as the saying goes ' it is better to have loved, and lost then to never have loved at all'

I dont know the background of this situation, who broke up with you or who hurt who etc but from what you have said in your post i can definatley tell you that if you dont want to get back together with this girl or there is no chance or reconcilliation then i urge you not to contact her as in my experience you will only end up hurting your self more.

There is no cure for a broken heart..only time but what i can suggest is to go out and have fun,meet new people,enjoy life...no matter how much you feel as though that is the absloute last thing you want to do. It will help you to remember that there is life after the ex..and that there is fun out there and happiness and the possibility of love and new friendship.

Just to clarify i have felt like what you are probably feeling now and its so hard because one day you feel fine and are getting on with life then next thing,...BAM out of no where all the old feelings and memorys come back and its quite over whelming really but after talking to a friend i got the advice which i stated above and decided instead of trying to block all the memories out of my head, i would remember them in a way that i was almost lucky to have experienced that happiness and try to be greatfull for that and go out and enjoy myself.

i dont know if that even makes sense but its the only way i can explain it!
hope i helped but i realise that everyone has there own way of dealing with things so i hope that what i said may be able to help you feel better..if not i sincerely hope that you will be feeling better soon....

Aalyisha x
went out with her for 3 years, talk of marrage, kids blah blah blah. she needed to move interstate to study teaching (long story there), so i moved over 3 months early due to the job i got, and then she broke up with me via email. i only mentioned that i hadn't contacted her, to eliminate that as a source of these reoccuring feelings.

the advice you gave worked for me 9 months ago when i was dealing with the breakup, and i've established a new life, new friends, refound old hobbies, all in a new state... but it's just hit me again... should i just reset my life, and find another set of new friends etc?

 
Old 01-10-2006, 06:27 PM   #7
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by opielonghorn
i know it's really hard and a lot easier said than done to get over someone. i still have moments of remembering and it's been over a year since my boyfriend and i broke up. for me (and it sounds like this is true for you, also) the best thing to do was to get rid of as many possible triggers as i could. this means music, things she gave you, photos, whatever. just throw it all in a box and forget about it temporarily. i know that some things are impossible to get rid of (environmentally), but really do as much as you can to get rid of the stuff that is reminding you of her.
as for the triggers, that's a hard hard thing to do. all the photo's are burnt, as are the letters, most the gifts (well i had to keep the power tools )

the rest is too difficult. i shot myself in the foot during the relationship by giving her too much of myself. my music became her music, my hobbies and friends became hers. i have a keen passion for exploring, so of course she came along. there is no way i can stop that stuff, it's what keeps me breathing.

also the triggers have been things we've never done before, i purely think "gee she would have loved/ hated/ been surprised at me for this"

as to the guy who asks how i got to 9 months. i sat around moping for about 2 months, then said "right, i got a PhD opportunity, i'm in a brand new state, where i know no one, i got income for the first time in my life, lets see where this can go". for another couple of months, i gave myself an hour a day to think about her, write letters (that were never sent) etc, just so that i wouldn't build up the feelings... after a couple of months i just sat there in my "quiet time" and felt nothing, thought of nothing to do with her... so slowly i just stopped doing it.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 01:43 AM   #8
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Aalyisha HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

no mada 3038, i dont think you should stop seeing your current friends,i just mean you should go and try to really enjoy your self, just get out there, maybe see if there would be a relationship that you would be interested in?

 
Old 01-11-2006, 06:27 AM   #9
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aalyisha
no mada 3038, i dont think you should stop seeing your current friends,i just mean you should go and try to really enjoy your self, just get out there, maybe see if there would be a relationship that you would be interested in?
i have been... that's what triggered it. i was out on a trip with my buddies, a trip we'd been planning for about 6 months and that i was hanging to do... so it's not like i'm sitting around moping. as for a relationship i'd be interested in, funnily enough in the last month, the idea of a relationship has sickened me to my stomach. i just don't find females worthy of my time at the moment

 
Old 01-11-2006, 06:30 AM   #10
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mamicita06 HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

i find it normal to think of an ex...esp when u been with this person awhile and there are unforgetable memories but if you really don't want to be with this person then the way to getting over them is to move on and share new memories with someone new and also keep in mind the reason u and the previous person broke up in the first place.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 01:36 PM   #11
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opielonghorn HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by mada_3083
as for the triggers, that's a hard hard thing to do. all the photo's are burnt, as are the letters, most the gifts (well i had to keep the power tools )

the rest is too difficult. i shot myself in the foot during the relationship by giving her too much of myself. my music became her music, my hobbies and friends became hers. i have a keen passion for exploring, so of course she came along. there is no way i can stop that stuff, it's what keeps me breathing.

also the triggers have been things we've never done before, i purely think "gee she would have loved/ hated/ been surprised at me for this"
good job keeping the power tools. i kept the stereo and the air conditioner. some things are worth the memories!

seriously, though, i totally hear where you are coming from. i went through all of that, too. it finally got to a point where the only way i could ease the anxiety and sadness stemming from thinking about him was to remind myself that this moment is just this moment. what i mean is that someday, maybe, we will be able to be friends. and even though it may be horrifying for you to think of that right now, you will definitely feel differently once you are dating someone else.

i can't tell you all the times i've thought the same thing: he would have loved such and such, or hated this thing or another. and it is so frustrating not to be able to just pick up a phone and tell the other person about it. it seems so unnatural, because a short time ago you were able to just call that person ten times a day. but this is only a temporary state. i don't know what your take is on being friends after (a long while after!) a breakup, but at the very least, you will have someone new at some point that you will call and tell things to.

this will get better. you are doing all the right stuff, now you just wait to reap the benefits of that. hang in there.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 07:15 PM   #12
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lady346 HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

[QUOTE=mada_3083]

also the triggers have been things we've never done before, i purely think "gee she would have loved/ hated/ been surprised at me for this"
QUOTE]


I am in a similar situation- you've probably read my thread and posts. I was with mine for 2 years, very intense, talked of marriage and kids within the next few years, and just KNEW. I trusted him with my heart and soul. Anyway, I graduated college a year earlier than him, we were long distance for a whole year while I made MY transition and new life in grad school and in a new city. Then he moved up here to go to dental school, which was so convenient- well three months later, broke up with me. He was 'too busy' in school and needed to 'find himself'. I guess the time was just 'too inconvenient' for him to be with me. Seriously, it makes me ill, I could just scream. How incredibly selfish.

Anyway, Im reaching toward 2 months now of being without him, and in the beginning I was a mess. Just recently I had some revelations about how selfish he really was and how I dont want that. Im angry, hate him at some level, and am so hurt, yet I still insanely miss him some times and cry over him. In response to your quote, I was just in Mexico for a week on vacation, and the whole time I thought of him. "Oh, he would enjoy this, oh he would like this, oh we could have done that". I still do that very often, and usually it IS with new things, like you said. It sucks. I have just recently deleted his #, took down most of the photos, blocked him on IM, and put away things that remind me of him in my room. However, its the good memories and NEW thoughts, like you said, that I am still working to get over. I know what you mean too about the thought of relationships making you irritated- Im the same way. I feel now that I have a general mistrust toward people (well, guys that I would date mostly) and think all people will be just as selfish as he was. Only out for what they want and need. I know it will pass (hopefully) because Im not a person who thinks that way, I am just deeply hurt, as Im sure you are too. I think time is the only thing that can really heal us here.

Last edited by lady346; 01-11-2006 at 07:19 PM.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 09:22 PM   #13
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

thanks everyone, i just figured after 9 months, i wouldn't be going through this again.

to those that said find another relationship, well i've tried twice, one was purely a rebound, the other she couldn't handle my lifestyle, which is where my attitude of "i don't have time for a girl" comes from. i'm interstate at least once a month, and spend most my free time travelling.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 09:36 PM   #14
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lady346 HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

Ha- I just got 'rejected' from my rebound today. I had no feelings for the guy, was just trying to rebound, and he said he just wanted to stay friends and didn't want emotional attachment. I was like, same here! I was just following your lead, what are you talking about? -and then I cried...I just couldnt handle another rejection, it wasnt even about HIM. And I felt slutty.
I tooootally understand not wanting another relationship, even after 9 months. Honestly, I feel so hurt and damaged right now that although it seems like a good idea in a way, I couldnt handle getting hurt again for a while. That was made clear to me today.
Maybe the fact that the others havent worked out brings you back to your ex 9 months later, because it was a good relationship and makes you miss the stability you had with her. I didnt want anything with my rebound guy (I just thought it would be more than 2 times!!), but when I got rejected from him it made me immediately want my ex back and I felt very lonely. It passed soon after. I really think that when you DO find someone else that IS stable and WILL last, you will forget about her much more. Until then, I guess its back to how you dealt with it in the beginning- keeping busy, etc. Thats just my idea, I dont fully know how it goes in this position, Im just starting out (2 months)...I would never wish this pain on anyone.

Last edited by lady346; 01-11-2006 at 09:43 PM.

 
Old 01-12-2006, 01:19 AM   #15
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mada_3083 HB User
Re: get my ex out of my head

nah, i don't think it was the other two ending... lol the last one ended a couple of months ago.

i just don't think the solution is piling on another girl... dunno, but i recon i should be able to beat this without another girl

 
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