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Old 01-10-2006, 07:43 AM   #1
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im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

i have been sick with gi problem's for 5 years now and my husband is supposed to be on pill's for depression and keep's going off of them well the latest thing is that he can't take me being sick and now he want's to seperate i can't work cause i am to sick he is about giving me a nervouse breakdown i called the doctor so i could get something and i can't get an appointment until friday i just don't know what to do i woke up this morning physicaly shaking from everything he is putting me through for the last 5 day's

 
Old 01-10-2006, 09:11 AM   #2
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

Hi, Spider I recall reading your thread the other day and it seems that your husband, having his own issues to deal with, is quite overwhelmed with everything that is going on with you as well. If he is known to have depression and is not taking his meds that is something he needs to address. Lovingly suggest that he go take care of himself while you focus on taking care of yourself as well. Do you have anybody else that you can rely on for support at this time so as to take some of the burden off of your husband for a while??? I think that by just doing that you may see an improvement in his behavior over time.....right now being depressed he is barely able to even take care of himself and his needs...to expect him to be able to take on anything more may just be too much at this time.

I know that with your GI problems further stress must be further aggravating it.....try to take as much of the stress that you can off of yourself. See if you can ask a family member to help you out for a while until you fel that you are more on your feet. Tell your husband that you intend to do that so that he can focus on himself at this time as well. Encourage him to take care of himself and let him know that you understand that your being sick has placed alot of stress on your relationship and that you are going to ask others to help pitch in so that he can take care of himself. I am sure that once you do this that a big relief will come to you both.

Do you love him?? And do you think you can understand that somebody with their own health problems may not be the best form of support for your own??? If so...let your husband know that you love him and that you want to figure out a way that the two of you can get through this. Ask him to find someone to help him out since you do not have the strength to do so at this time.....that each of you should focus on getting yourselves stronger physically so that you can be at your best in terms of your relationship. Talk to him calmly about how you need him & love him and that you have no control over your health right now but you do over how it may be placing too much on him and intend to call in other resources of help to help alleviate that. And then focus on getting better and stronger and as you do you will see that your relationship will as well. It is bad nough when one spouse is ill, but when two are it puts a tremendous amount of stress upon a relationship.

It's time to get help and the sooner you do the better. Call in somebody to help you out. I am sure that once you lift the burden off your husband a little bit he will be able to help himself and eventually be strong enough to help you out again too.

I know they say "in sickness & in health" but when two of you are sick you need to lovingly call on the help of others who love you too!!!

Good luck ~ Goody

 
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Old 01-10-2006, 01:46 PM   #3
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

i don't have anyone else or anyplace to go and he know's this

 
Old 01-10-2006, 02:04 PM   #4
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

I am sorry to hear this.....I guess all I can advise you is to think this through and seek out help from social services if at all possible. There has to be some type of compensation you can seek if you are unable to work. See if you can make some phone calls and see what available resources you have. If your husband wants a separation then let him find a place to stay.....how are you making ends meet right now??? If you are separated then file for a legal separation so that you are taken care of financially until you figure things out. You may have to seek legal advice regarding this.....again social services may direct you to who can answer your questions. Right now you need to focus on getting yourself physically strong....do not allow this to affect your health any further.

Do you have any family/friends to call upon??? I really wish that I could comfort you some more.....for now know that you have my prayers and ((HUGS)).....please take care of your health and minimize the stress as much as possible. Your power will come in taking care of yourself and not allowing this all to break you.....take a deep breath, I know it may feel as if your world is falling apart but we are here for you and making a few phone calls to see what resources are availble to you may help.

Lots of (((HUGS))) ~ Goody

 
Old 01-10-2006, 02:05 PM   #5
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

Why Spider don't you have anyone? Do you live away from family and friends?
I think that Goody gave an excellent advice, and it is difficult sometimes to be rational and understanding to someone who is hurting you too much. I personally think that depression is contagious!!! I feel very low when my bf is only quiet! But it's only me!
It takes huge strength to meet your husband's inconsiderate behaviour with love, but this is the only way out. try to do it for your OWN sake, if you can. Is there no way that you can meet others, do some other things that might distract you? I think that you are also loaded and you really need to vent.
If you explain more about what exactly happened, people here might be able to help you better.
For the time being, take care of yourself. And remember that things can only get better.

Last edited by Nina000; 01-10-2006 at 02:07 PM.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 05:49 PM   #6
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

what i can explain about this is he was given meds by the va and he decided to stop them and he refuses to go back on them all he keep's telling me is that i make him miserable and he want's to be seperated my family is 300 mile's away i called my mother and was very clearly told she can't help me but i didn't expect anything less on her part cause she is another person who allway's let me sink or swim it has been that way my whole life so i guess i should be used to it thank's for all your help i really don't have anyone to talk to and this is helping

 
Old 01-11-2006, 02:11 PM   #7
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

I am so sorry, Spider, that you feel so alone in this. The important thing to do is take care of yourself as best that you can. Do you belong to a church where you could at least seek someone to talk to and help point you in the right direction of where to find some type of support??? Are you eligible with your insurance for some medical assistance of some sort for somebody to come in and help you if need be?? There are organizatons lke "Meals on Wheels" that would help you out.....do not be afreaid to ask for help if you need it.

Most importantly, learn to take care of yourself....do not allow your husband's problems to become yours as well. You are only one person and you must go about taking care of your physical and emotional health before you can be expected to be able to do so for another. Get yourself strong again and come here to vent whenever you feel you have the need to.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody

 
Old 01-11-2006, 02:21 PM   #8
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

i don't beleive in church haven't for years now my husband has been spending his night's at his friend's house wich doesn't help me any he come's back here for about 4 hour's a day to torture me a little more then take's off and then i am alone again i am only 37 years old so there ain't to much support for me out there that i know of i told him that i need him to chop some wood for me and he couldn't even do that so apperently he doesn't care if i freeze either he is makeing me nut's i don't know if i should just change the lock's on the door's don't know what that would solve i just wish i had some friend's and didn't have to deal with this alone

 
Old 01-11-2006, 02:41 PM   #9
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

Spider ~ Yes, you are young and if you are able to you need to get out more and meet others. Seems to me that not having any friends or family to depend upon only makes matters worse. I know you said that you have some GI problems but how limited are you?? Are you able to drive and get out a little bit???

I have had chronic back problems and know that when I do not get out things are far worse. You must have some good days that you can get out and meet others in your community.

I hope I do not offend you too much with what I am about to say...but I think that the best resolution to this all may be to show your husband in some way that you do not see him as your only source of happiness or support. To expect one person to be all of that is far too overwhelming and may be the source of the problem. He cannot be the one to be responsible for all your happiness in life....you have to seek it out yourself.

If you were to get out and show your husband that you can do some things on your own and find support and happiness outside of him alone I think that this would be the beginning to perhaps mending things. You must have some interests or somethings you can do around your GI problems.....I know with my back prblems I am limited but I find that if I do things I am able to do I am so much happier and so is my relationship with my husband.

Perhaps it is too far gone, only you can tell, but illness certainly places alot of strain on a relationship especially when the other is known to be depressed. You MUST somehow find some other form of support and outlet other than your husband...he is telling you by his actions that he has had enough and needs for you to come up with some relief. He is only one person and so are you.....if he sees you doing what you can do to help the situation he will feel relieved and perhaps not want to get away from it all.

Your husband's actions and words are saying that he has had enough!!! 5 years of being the only one to take care of one's physical, emotional, and overall needs is alot without some type of relief or respite. His staying at his friends is a desperate thing to do...I recall when I had one of those moments as a sleep deprived mom taking care of my chronically ill daughter. I will never forget the day I walked my infant daughter & 3 year old daughter out to my husband on his rider mower...handed them off to him with a list of how to take care of them and told him I would be at the Holiday Inn a mile away. I checked in and slept for 16 hours straight and although a desperate act on my part, it was the best thing I could do for my family and myself. I am almost afraid what would have happened if I hadn't done so.

Too much dependence on another could really drive them away. I am sorry that you have no friends or family to take the pressure off but you need to do something......because the way it stands your husband isn't able to do it anymore and you are going to have to find another means of doing it anyway.

Pick up the phone and call for some help. I suggested social services.....you need to be proactive in this situation, other wise it will only get worse.

(((HUGS))) and plenty more for you ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 01-11-2006 at 02:56 PM.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 03:11 PM   #10
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

you have to understand i never botherd my husband with any of my illness until 2 months ago when i had surgery and it made thing's worse everytime i eat i end up doubled over in pain i never asked him in 5 years to come to one appointment with me and i never complained i just accepted it so there really wasn't all that much pressure put on him except for the last 2 month's i have been dealing with him going on and off med's for 10 years now and putting me through hell and because i knew he was sick i didn't leave him as for him staying at his friend's house i think there is a little more to it than what is going on if you get what i am saying you have to understand this was out of the blue

 
Old 01-11-2006, 04:14 PM   #11
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

goody, I've read all of your recent posts here and continue to be amazed by your compassion and "good" advice. Spider, I was going to comment but Goody's posts say it all. I'm reaching out, as much as I can via cyberspace, to you and wish the best for you.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 06:12 PM   #12
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

Thanks, Red, for such a wonderful compliment

Spider.....it's hard to gauge what the situation is but from the little bit you have shared with us here it seems that the number one issue should be for you to worry about your health and welfare despite what your husband does or does not do. That should be your main concern.

I looked at your other posts and it seems that you have the same chronic illness that my daughter has had since the day she was born, GERD. Thank goodness, for the past 14 years we have been able to treat it without surgical intervention and I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time since having the surgery. I know how much you want to avoid the gastro tube....they wanted to do that for my daughter and I got up every hour on the hour at night to put weight on her in order to avoid that tube!!! She was only a little more than 15 pounds on her first birthday....

Anyway....you need to think of you and your health right now. I know you are pureeing the foods...you should add MCT oil to them to add more calories as well as Karo Syrup. Add Sustacal or Ensure plus.....Carnation Instant breakfast with extra protein is another good thing. Thicken it with baby rice cereal if possible to keep it down.

Your husband off his meds is most likely attributing to his behavior. but you cannnot afford to worry about that right now. You need to call upon your community to help you.....can you get out of the house at all?? Call a local nursery and have some firewood delivered if need be. Use whatever resources are available to you to keep yourself warm and healthy. You cannot afford to lose anymore weight.....please call your doctor's office and perhaps explain your situation and see where they may be able to direct you.

Take one day at a time.....I know that it may seem like your world is falling apart and that without your husband's help you are so lost but you are a smart woman and need to dig deep down & find the strength within to get yourself better and use whatever resources available to you to make sure that you do. I truly wish I lived near you, for if I could I would come help in anyway I could, my husband even wished he could help chop you wood after I read some of this to him.

I am sure that there are others around you, within your community, who would love to reach out to you if you called upon them for help. Please.....do not allow pride to get in the way. Call your local church, you do not have to be a member.....ask for help, there are so many people just waiting for the opportunity to assist someone in need like yourself. But they will not be able to do so if you do not ask for it.

((((HUGS)))) and peace ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 01-11-2006 at 06:53 PM.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 07:09 PM   #13
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

ty for your post there isn't to much compassion in my life right now well really none but you people total stranger's have shown some and i just really don't know what to say it just amaze's me

 
Old 01-11-2006, 07:16 PM   #14
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

Spider, that's just it......there are so many people who are strangers that would help if they knew you needed it. How about making a few phone calls and giving some of them a chance to do so??? Promise me that you will do so.....there is only so much us strangers can do here but there are other people who can really help you out if you would only give them a chance.

So are you going to pick up that phone????? Please tell us you will!!!

Until you do....please know that we are here for you and that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Many (((HUGS))) 'cause I know you could use some ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 01-11-2006 at 07:17 PM.

 
Old 01-12-2006, 06:20 AM   #15
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Re: im gonna have a nervous break down if he doesn't stop

i took the first step this morning and contacted a lawyer i am no longer gonna sit here and be kicked when i am down

 
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