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Old 01-10-2006, 09:03 AM   #1
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LoveLife8888 HB User
Question Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

What a mistake.

Had a great time a week ago Sunday, were holding hands on the car ride to and from the skating rink, and had dinner at my house afterwards, kissing hugging etc. He left about 10pm, I put my son to bed, then we spoke all week on messenger, which we had been doing since Oct.28 (for 3 months before we finally reconnected in person for the first time on new yrs day).

We got together at a close neighborhood bar with friends and had a great time, he was suppose to come over to my house sat. nite to relax and watch tv (we had made those plans earlier in the week) and finalized them Friday nite that we was to stay overnite and leave early from my house Sunday because he plays soccor Sunday mornings, well WHAT a FREAK of nature this guy is. On the friday nite he as hugging and kissing me goodbye (I went in my car to the bar and he went in his car to the bar so we left seperatly) in my car and with great emotion in his voice said "God woman I really love you" so I hesitated and then casually said "M--- I have always loved you", then he said he would call saturday late afternoon when he got off work at 5pm from working the afternoon at the beer store, but instead what do I get but an email saying:
"I think I will pass on tonite, lets be just friends, dont know what I want. sorry"
EXCUSE ME: at about 1:30am Sat. early morning he is telling me he loves me and less than 24 hrs later he is saying he wants to pass on sat. nite and just be friends.

PAST - we were together for awhile full time; i met his friends and some of his family (his 3 kids and mother-father dead) and went to his company summer function where he has worked for more than 25 yrs and he told me near the end of the 2nd month that he loved me, then after 2.5 months very suddenly just said he was confused about his feelings for me and was not over his old gf like he thought he had been, but felt he was not yet over their breakup - which might have been bs. this was back in the fall of 2004 --- then we reconnected in May 2005 after first talking online for over 3 months just like this recent reconnection. He seems to be fine online, then we met in person and after 1 week both times he pulls this kind of stunt, but back in May 2005 after 1 week he just said he does not want a relationship. SO I banned him on messenger then after a week I deleted him 100% as a contact.

NOW - I guess my mistake was sending him an email in Oct.2005 - when I did that he sent me a reply back in just under a minute and that's my story.

MY good friend said WOW - stay away from this guy he is very mixed up and psycho and it was not even remotely normal behaviour.

 
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Old 01-10-2006, 09:17 AM   #2
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

Your friend is right!!! There is nothing balanced in this equation.....your off again on again....he says he loves you after a night out at a bar...perhaps he had a little too much to drink?? Whatever....actions speak louder than words and his actions are saying far more than his words!!

You've wasted enough time on this guy. Go find somebody who does know what he wants and stay away from this guy....he will only cause you pain. Ban him from IM and also from your life.

~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 01-10-2006 at 09:27 AM.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 09:20 AM   #3
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LoveLife8888 HB User
Red face Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

Thanks Goody for your reply.

Hope to hear more reply's from people.

Yes no more on-again-off-again for me. This is the first time this has happened in my lifetime (I am 50 now), and never again.

Always for me when its over that's it. I have NEVER given anyone a 2nd chance and with this guy (who is 52 now) I have given him 2 chances. THAT'S IT.

What does it mean when its on and off again???

thanks


 
Old 01-10-2006, 12:20 PM   #4
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Silver Lining HB User
Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

aww that's sad to hear. yes, this guy is no good. surprised you'd even have to ask, especially since this isn't the first time he's told you something and then backed off and "got confused". people who change their minds that quickly don't know themselves and aren't grounded in who they are. you don't want someone who doesn't know what they want. unless you break it off completely, this guy will continue to toy with your heart. i doubt they do it on purpose, these men, like i said, just have no emotional stability. move on and fast and don't ever give him the time of day to look back for a second.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 12:52 PM   #5
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galinaqt HB User
Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

I had number of guys with whom evrything seems fine and suddenly they disappeared with no apparent reason. Man(often) especially don't take this things as serious as woman. I would certainly not waist time on him anymore.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 02:44 PM   #6
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Diamond141 HB User
Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

Why is everyone on this board so quick to tell people to dump people? So easy to tell other people to do this! I wouldn't be so quick to do so! I wouldn't sit around and wait if he doesn't know what he wants but take it as that. But don't give it up.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 06:45 PM   #7
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wildcat66 HB User
Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

Yeah he is a nut, i used to date the female version of him!

 
Old 01-10-2006, 07:17 PM   #8
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LoveLife8888 HB User
Red face Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

So what she was all into you then in about a weeks time or so it was like you felt you had done something wrong (even though you did not) and she ignored you and did not want any communication either thru phone or messenger?

This guy seems okay to communicate via messenger and emails, but once we actually got back together again and acutally see each other (and it had nothing to do with sex, because some reunions did not involve any sex).

You mean she said she loved you and in less than a week wanted to be just friends?

Please tell me a few details if you want.



 
Old 01-10-2006, 10:16 PM   #9
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Fabat40 HB User
Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

Lovelife8888,

Sounds like your x-guy is confused. Don't join his confusion, unless you want to.

He has done it twice, he'll more likely to do it again.

Your friend is right - run, run really fast the opposite direction of this guy.

Last advice - find another guy that's not confused.

Good luck.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 11:06 PM   #10
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Hiya HB User
Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveLife8888
I have given him 2 chances. THAT'S IT.

What does it mean when its on and off again???

It actually looks like you've given him three chances, once in the fall of 2004, once in May of 2005, and again just recently. I say three strikes, he's out.

What an on-again-off-again relationship means is that he really isn't into you, never was, never will be, but it's better than nothing and he's not prepared to be alone, and sees you as a nice, safe comfortable place to fall whenever he's feeling lonely. I agree with the poster who said men just don't feel things as deeply or take things as seriously as women. We are the ones with the biological clocks always ticking away. Few women, and even fewer women over 30, date just for sport the way men do. We go into every relationship thinking it could be, hoping it will be, something serious, long lasting and "real." Men go into relationships primarily looking for sex and fun, and if it turns into something serious, hey great, but they just have fun, even if it's not serious, and then they vanish. I've always felt this puts a heavy burden on women in the dating world, so it's important that we take care of ourselves and not waste ourselves on non-commital jerks who just want to play with our hearts and emotions for sport. Like the author of He's Just Not That Into You says, "Don't waste the pretty!!" I made the mistake of following my heart instead of my gut and head and kept taking someone back after he'd leave, then give me the "I don't know what I was thinking, I'm so sorry I put you through that" schpeel and I kept believing he meant it, then he left for good and five minutes later was shacked up with the exact kind of woman he swore he would never want, the opposite of what he said he was leaving me to go find. I don't think people are overly quick to say "dump the bum!" here, only when the situation merits, and here, I'd say the situation definitely merits. All this guy will ever offer you is heartbreak after heartbreak, as many times as you let him.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 06:51 AM   #11
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wildcat66 HB User
Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveLife8888
So what she was all into you then in about a weeks time or so it was like you felt you had done something wrong (even though you did not) and she ignored you and did not want any communication either thru phone or messenger?

This guy seems okay to communicate via messenger and emails, but once we actually got back together again and acutally see each other (and it had nothing to do with sex, because some reunions did not involve any sex).

You mean she said she loved you and in less than a week wanted to be just friends?

Please tell me a few details if you want.


We would go out have a great time, then she would not call I would call her and she would be very cold, then I would go out and do my thing and she would always show up when I was out with friends, we would dance and end up at her place having sex. All would be great a few days and then it would start all over again, she would act as if she wanted nothing to do with me until I would be out and get a page or call from her, turns out there are many reasons she acted this way the main one was she was still having an affair with a married man that was supposed to ended when we started seeing each other more. Another reason I think eas because she could not ever be in a normal relationship due to being molested by a family member when she was a kid, I think that since she never got professional help for this had alot to do with why she was the way she was. I tried talking her into seeking help she went a few times and quit going ,I lost all trust in her and finally decided to move on with my life. But she could turn it on the loving caring person as fast as she could turn it off.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 06:54 AM   #12
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

If this man can act so lame and "confused" at 52, I'm sorry but the chances of him improving are miniscule, I'm afraid. He has serious mental/emotional problems--get rid of him for good.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 07:56 AM   #13
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Aalyisha HB User
Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

sorry to possibly make you feel worse but have you considered the fact that he may be seeing someone else also? as i far as i can tell its either that or he is confused/messed up/doesnt know his own mind and is messing you around.

OK he might be great on messanger but he is not in person. stay away from him, meet someone new who wont mess with your head and emotions and try to forget his sorry ***!

 
Old 01-11-2006, 07:21 PM   #14
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inquiringmind2 HB User
Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

Yes, he's nuts! But what difference does it make? You are lucky you didn't get too involved this time. You are not thinking of trying to convince him that you want a realationship are you??????

I say, you've seen what this guy has to offer(NOTHING). I wouldn't waste another minute trying to figure out his problem---just be glad it's not YOUR problem.

I hope you find someone better to share your life

 
Old 01-12-2006, 09:33 AM   #15
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LoveLife8888 HB User
Wink Re: Help. Reconnected with X-is this guy psycho or what???

Hello everyone

and thanks for all the replies. He ended up saying sorry and that he does not know why he cannot commit to anyone, and a bunch of other stuff I cannot remember. And yes one day I might meet someone worthy of me and my son.

Thanks all

 
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