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Old 01-10-2006, 09:10 AM   #1
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Unhappy Should I stay or should I go?

I've been seeing someone for a few months now and everything is going wonderful. We compliment eachother very well BUT there has been a few times when he hasn't been good to his word. He'll say he will call me later on that night or day, and then I don't hear from him for a few days.
I know he's busy with work and his children, but is it too much to ask for him to phone when he says he will? This has happened a few times now, and I finally decided to confront him about it. (I let it slide cause we aren't serious or anything...) He apologized and said he's bad with the phone, that he's sorry, he'll call more, etc.
Should I just break it off or should I stick it out... I don't know, I don't know.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 09:28 AM   #2
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

I think it's a bit harsh to dump someone that you really like and connect with just because of a few missed phone calls. I guess it's the old cliche of "Pick your battles". My husband is a total pig and I am clean freak, but he's so wonderful in every other way I let the Pig thing go.
Have another talk with him and ask him to try and work on it.

 
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Old 01-10-2006, 09:37 AM   #3
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

That's true, I think that way too, but I read this book called - He's just not that into you. Here's an excerpt from that book.

Men are not complicated, although we'd like you to think we are, as in "Things are really crazy right now. I've just got a ton of **** going on." We are driven by sex, although we'd like to pretend otherwise: "What? No, I was totally listening." And sadly (and most embarrassingly), we would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, "You're not the one." We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both - even worse, cry and yell at us. We are pathetic. But the fact remains, even though we may not be saying it, we are absolutely showing it all the time. If a dude isn't calling you when he says he will, or making sure you know that he's dating you, then you already have your answer. Stop making excuses for him; his actions are screaming the truth: He's just not that into you.

So now I'm totally confused.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 09:42 AM   #4
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Well I guess I would need to know more about the two you. (Geez,,,I sound like a doctor! )
Like how long have you been together, how often do you see each other and have the two of you ever discussed your feelings for each other? You mentioned he has kids - What's his past?

 
Old 01-10-2006, 09:50 AM   #5
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Well we've been seeing eachother for about 2 months. Known eachother for about 8 months. He has a daughter whom I have yet to meet. (He had step children from his previous marriage) There's a 10 year age gap between us, but it doesn't bother me at all.
We both want to take things really slow, which is good. But when he says he'll call me after dinner, or later on that night, and then I don't hear from him for a few days. He'll then send me a text message. (so impersonal)
I didn't get a call or a text message from him this past New Years, and he was suppose to call that day.

He went away with his daughter, but not far enough where he couldn't call.

I just don't want to be played for a fool that's all. I have too much respect for myself.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 09:54 AM   #6
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Sorry, we see eachother about once a week, sometimes more. We have talked about our feelings and we both like eachother, and want to continue dating to see where it goes. We've also agreed that if things don't work out we will always be friends.
I mentioned to him that I think we should just be friends, cause I'm not happy with him saying he'll call and then doesn't etc. (I never mentioned I was upset about New Years though) and he apologized and said he'd call more, that he's bad with the phone, etc.

He wants to meet me to talk about this in person, and I'm not sure if I should go...

 
Old 01-10-2006, 10:00 AM   #7
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Quote:
Originally Posted by teri482
Well we've been seeing eachother for about 2 months. Known eachother for about 8 months. He has a daughter whom I have yet to meet. (He had step children from his previous marriage) There's a 10 year age gap between us, but it doesn't bother me at all.
We both want to take things really slow, which is good. But when he says he'll call me after dinner, or later on that night, and then I don't hear from him for a few days. He'll then send me a text message. (so impersonal)
I didn't get a call or a text message from him this past New Years, and he was suppose to call that day.

He went away with his daughter, but not far enough where he couldn't call.

I just don't want to be played for a fool that's all. I have too much respect for myself.
I know two months might not sound like a lot, but I still think this guy is inconsiderate towards you. He tells you he will call later in the day and then doesn't call for several days? That's rude in my book. And not even a phonecall on New Year's eve??? For me, that would be enough reason to seriously reconsider dating him, but I'm not very patient, so it's all up to you. If after you tell him directly that it bothers you when he promises to call on a certain day and then doesn't keep his promise, he still continues to do that, I think you should really reevaluate whether you want to date him further. I mean, after two months, I would expect my boyfriend to call me about every day, or at least every other day. Nobody is that busy, in my opinion.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 10:02 AM   #8
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

I agree too. Nobody is that busy. How hard is it to pick up the phone?
This is another excerpt from the book I bought that fits this perfectly.

Oh sure they say they're busy. They say they didn't have a moment in their insanely busy schedule to pick up the phone.
It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you.
Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot
in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.

I think I know my answer, as much as I'd love to work on things...

 
Old 01-10-2006, 10:06 AM   #9
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

teri482,

First of all, ignore what that book says. Its author is not a therapist or relationship expert. He's a writer for a popular TV show. And as politically correct as it is to say men are not that complicated, the truth is that you can't generalize. Some men are pretty simple while others are very complicated. The bottom line with this guy you're seeing is that he's either really busy and figures you'll still be there when he finds time or he's not interested in you. Whatever the case, I would say that if you've already confronted him, then the best course of action is to do nothing. Wait for him to make the next move. If he is interested in you, then he'll realize what an idiot he's being for taking you for granted. And if he doesn't call, then you have your answer. But don't wait by the phone. Move on with your life and if and when he does come around, you can confront him again.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 10:14 AM   #10
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

I have to agree with SophiaM. I have been in this situation and it only got worse. I don't necessarily think that book has all the answers but I know from experience. That could call if he wanted to. The guy I am seeing now is twice as busy as my ex and he always finds time to answer me or talk to me or whatever.
I think you need to seriously consider what you have with him.
I don't know about you but I want someone that wants to know how my day was and can't wait to talk to me.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 10:15 AM   #11
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

That's true too, I've heard that from a few people. This is the first time (last night) that I really confronted him with how I felt about everything. He apologized, and wants to meet with me today for dinner to talk about things. He says he feels more comfortable in person. Maybe I'll go meet him tonight and tell him what's been bothering me and take it from there. He seemed really upset about this last night. I think he feels bad.

~~ I am not sitting at home waiting by the phone willing it to ring, but it still hurts.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 10:23 AM   #12
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

It sounds to me as if his children are his priority, which is good if you ask me. Since you guys just started dating really, he is probably not that into you yet. Men take more time to get into a woman especially if they are older men who already have other obligations such as children. Women who really dont have a whole lot of other things going on or other obligations seem to really jump into the guy. Even though you say you want to take it slow, you are not acting like it, but he is. In time he may get real into you, but again maybe he wont because he is not ready for that...no matter how slow you go. So, either you take what he is willing to give you right now and hope that things will pick up in the future, or you move on. The choice is your for now.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 10:28 AM   #13
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

I agree with you completely. I would never expect to come first in his life over his daughter. Ever. He's a great Dad and that's what makes him attractive.
I would not like it if he called me everyday, or even every other day to be honest. I would lose interest. I like a little hard to get. I like to be kept wondering....but when someone says they'll call you after dinner, or in the morning and then they don't call for 3 days because they've been busy.
I find that kind of rude. Don't say you'll call me then. Or pick up the phone to tell me, Hey ya know I can't really talk I'm super busy, just wanted to call to say hey, thinking of ya. (if he called and said that and then didn't call me for 3-4 days, I wouldn't care at all...ya see...)

Maybe guys are just idiots, or the one I'm dating is.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 10:58 AM   #14
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Ok, I confess... I hate to pick up the phone. Period.
It has nothing to do with how much I value you or our friendship. I just hate to pick up the phone.
If this is HIS situation then the answer to your question is:
If you REQUIRE phone calls to know that someone cares about you then you need to go.
If you can accept that he is not a phone person and you can just pick up the phone yourself & call him, then stay.
I WOULD stop asking him when he is going to call, & if he says "I'll call ya tomorrow" smile & say that you won't hold your breath! Then call HIM.
Married for 16 yrs to a man who didn't give a whit about my phone call levels,

 
Old 01-10-2006, 11:13 AM   #15
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?

I HATE picking up the phone first, and I think I've maybe called him like 2 or 3 times the whole time we've been dating. I'm not a phone person either. But if I was to tell him I'll call you later on tonight, I would not forget to phone. If I wasn't that interested in him, I wouldn't call, cause I probably would honestly forget - or I would want him to take that as a sign I wasn't that into him.

Very debateable subject...

 
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