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Old 01-10-2006, 04:00 PM   #1
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opal88 HB User
HELP read email should not have seen - sad

I've been with my bf for about 6 months now and recently i went to check his email (yes that's terrible) but i was actually looking for information on a promotion he let me sign him up for and he had given me the password before.

There was a letter to a friend in his email detailing my mediocrity and explaining that wishes he could be satisfied with it but longs for other things in life. He also told his friend he wanted to sleep with someone else when he went to visit to fulfill some dream of his to sleep with a specific type of woman. He seemed utterly dissatisfied with me. I am crushed but how can I even approach the situation when it's my fault for being a snoop?

What to do??

 
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Old 01-10-2006, 04:10 PM   #2
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Ruby13 HB User
Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

You shouldn't have read his e-mail, but you did and I can't imagine you're just going to forget about that. If you tell him what you saw he may break up with you, but would you even want to stay with him knowing he felt that way? Unless he was just mad at you and thinking bad thoughts for a few hours, I don't think there's a great future in that kind of relationship.

And please don't let his words change the way you feel about yourself. People often say things like that when they feel bad about themselves or their own lives. Sometimes it's easier to blame a partner when your life isn't as fulfilling or exciting as you want it to be.

 
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Old 01-10-2006, 04:26 PM   #3
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Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

Thanks Ruby,

You are right. We had a fight right before that and I feel terrible for looking at his mail, however, he still did say all those things and I don't know if I can talk to him without telling him that I read it. We always said we'd be honest and if that means that it's honestly not working I guess that's what has to be said.

Thanks again for the advice. I know he's having a difficult time right now and you make a good point about it being the easiest thing to blame but it's not my fault he is having problems. I'm gonna try and handle the situation in a mature way.

Thanks,
Opal

 
Old 01-10-2006, 04:28 PM   #4
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cookiepls HB User
Exclamation Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

Quote:
Originally Posted by opal88
I've been with my bf for about 6 months now and recently i went to check his email (yes that's terrible) but i was actually looking for information on a promotion he let me sign him up for and he had given me the password before.

There was a letter to a friend in his email detailing my mediocrity and explaining that wishes he could be satisfied with it but longs for other things in life. He also told his friend he wanted to sleep with someone else when he went to visit to fulfill some dream of his to sleep with a specific type of woman. He seemed utterly dissatisfied with me. I am crushed but how can I even approach the situation when it's my fault for being a snoop?

What to do??
Excuse me? Your fault for being a snoop??? Well, that's debatable. Anyway, why approach him at all? Let him find out for himself that your read the email. In the mean time, you know the phrase.................................. ..... Kick him to the curb. If you try to confront him, he'll probably either give you an excuse that almost sounds plausible, or, lay all blame on you. I can't imagine him owning up to it. He's a waste of your time and if you stick with him despite this, your self-esteem will end up taking a nose dive. You can do way better than this creep. Whatever you decide to do, it's probably nicer than what he deserves. If you had said "I was hateful and treated him like dirt, and cheated on him"; then maybe I'd have a different answer. The way it looks though, you're being used until he can find his Miss Perfect. I hate to see it. Hopefully, you'll dump him before you begin to think all guys are like that. Take care Opal88. I hope you can move on to someone who wants you, not some fantasy girl.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 04:32 PM   #5
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bluegreeneyeguy HB User
Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

Dump him. Anyone who talks about you like this, has to go.
What do you think you will be losing?

 
Old 01-10-2006, 04:41 PM   #6
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

Mature would probably mean being honest.
"I looked at your e-mail and I was wrong to do that... but I read the one you wrote about me not being the right woman for you. I think it only fair that you be free to find that woman and that I be free to find someone who loves me for who I am."

I'm not discounting your feelings at all. I've been dumped by someone I loved who jumped right into what they thought was their dream girl (not me). It hurts like hell. Guess I'd suggest that you do the breaking up before it comes to that.

There are a couple reasons I could think of for him writing that e-mail even if he doesn't mean it.. but he'd have to be 16 yrs of age or younger.
You are PERFECT for someone in this world - I would feel glad for the chance to get started on the path to that relationship..

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 01-10-2006 at 04:43 PM.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 04:50 PM   #7
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Nina000 HB User
Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

Opal, did he actually speak about a certain woman or about a type of women? Either way, he is showing a lot of disrespect to your relationship by mentioning it to a friend. It would be a whole different thing if he just opened up to you and tried to work on dissatisfactory things that he is moaning about. Cookie is right, he will try to find an excuse, they always do, and I think that you will want to believe him. Not only that, you will actually find youself addicted to checking his email regularly, and potentially opening more and unnecessary doors to hurt. I would confront him calmly, and ask him to change his password too!
your mistake is nothing compared to his and he's the one to be ashamed of himself!
I did that once with my ex (he gave me his password when he was drunk) and I was sick when I read his message to some woman saying how nice it was to have met her niece, and that I didn't like him to go out with this niece but "por favor" don't tell her. And that this girl had soft soft skin.....when he had sworn that he had no contact whatsoever with her. It sucks! I was in one of the nicest places on earth getting sick with checking his emails. Once I met him afterwards, I had his email printed off and put up in my room for him. Until we broke up, I had no trust in him, although he sent this woman an email later asking her to stop her niece from emailing/ringing him. And despite knowing that he was a cheat, I asked him to change his password because I knew what I wanted to know and I wasn't interested in him anymore. He was ill for days!

Sorry about going on about my story. Yours is not to do with cheating but shows a lot of unthoughtfulness on his part!

Last edited by Nina000; 01-10-2006 at 04:53 PM.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 05:23 PM   #8
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opal88 HB User
Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

Everyone -

Thank you so much for the response and support. I was really blindsided by the statements he made because I thought things were good. Now I think I may have invested too much in too little...if you know what I mean.

He didn't mention a specific girl, just a type, and this type is FAR from what I am! I may just print out the e-mail, as someone else's story said, because I think he should look at those words and really understand how terrible that is to say behind my back. I've always tried to be honest and would have taken in much better if he'd just confessed that it wasn't working out. I wonder how much longer it would have gone on had I not seen the e-mail.

I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Thanks,
Opal

 
Old 01-10-2006, 05:36 PM   #9
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jessica129 HB User
Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

Same exact thing happened to me. I "stumbled" upon my boyfriends email and in it, he mentioned to his internet fling how much more attractive she was and how much more interesting she was. He also said I wasn't what he was looking for. Like you, i was very shocked and quite sick to my stomach when I read this. I'm not one to advocate snooping but if he did give you his password before, well then that's his problem. I tried to give my boyfriend the cold shoulder after I had read those things but I couldn't let him think he could talk about me like that so I confronted him. Of course he denied it and said it was all a game and that he was drunk...complete b.s. basically.

I actually believed him for awhile and tried to make things work but I couldnt' get what he said about me out of my head everytime I was around him, I kept thinking about it and my self esteem went down the gutter knowing i was staying with someone that was basically using me til someone else came along. No one should have to put up with that.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 05:56 PM   #10
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vintagegirl HB User
Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

Snooping--whatever--it's each man (or woman) for themselves in this world.
Just think if you hadn't found it? Now you know how he really feels. Whomever said that he is using you until he finds Mr. Perfect is right, and if I hear one more woman say ..."but he's going through a hard time right now", I will hurl. Don't look for deeper meaning, things are what they appear to be 99% of the time--that's why we get that catch in our gut when something looks or feels wrong. It's because something IS wrong. I'd be interested to see if the "type" of woman he wants to sleep with would give him the time of day~I seriously doubt it!

Last edited by vintagegirl; 01-10-2006 at 05:57 PM.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 06:12 PM   #11
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cookiepls HB User
Exclamation Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

Quote:
Originally Posted by vintagegirl
I'd be interested to see if the "type" of woman he wants to sleep with would give him the time of day~I seriously doubt it!
Ditto!

 
Old 01-10-2006, 06:47 PM   #12
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desertdweller HB User
Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

Be it accidently running across a bad email or phone message, or getting that "gut feeling" that something isn't right, if there isn't anything said or done wrong, you won't find anything. The key issue is that you DID find out something that he was holding back from telling you. Don't feel guilty about finding the email!
I feel for you opal. Ironicly, I also found a bad email that my husband sent to a woman.We have been not getting along lately. He said he needs to become a better husband, to grow up. He had reconnected online with some old school buddies back in another state. Today he said they offered to fly him out to go see the old hometown, and the old friends. I said, good, that we needed some time to ourselves to think about our relationship. I started feeling weird on the way home from work, and on a whim ( never done this before) check his emails about his plans. Sure enough all of the plans, corrospondence ,were made though his friends sister. Who is single, and a former stripper. The email mentions how we aren't getting along, and how I'm older than him, what her phone# is, his personal email at work, etc. I also found that he was trying to find old girlfriends online too.Needless to say the sh&% hit the fan when he got home today. He tried to play it off like it is all on the up and up, and she is just an old school friend, that everything was harmless, and that I am the only one for him.. I told him I was done with him.I am thankful I listened to my gut feeling. It sure hurts though!

 
Old 01-10-2006, 09:07 PM   #13
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Morboro HB User
Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

Dam some guys don't know how lucky they are just to have a woman

Sorry this is no help, but it shits me when people take relationships for granted.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 09:17 PM   #14
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MysteriousGuy HB User
Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morboro
Dam some guys don't know how lucky they are just to have a woman

Sorry this is no help, but it shits me when people take relationships for granted.

Me too buddy, me too.

 
Old 01-10-2006, 09:42 PM   #15
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neflin HB User
Re: HELP read email should not have seen - sad

I would say good bye charlie. So you had his password and were snooping. Sure it is not the right thing to do but he should not have done what he did. If it was me I would thank God that I knew this and move on. He is not going to change. Now that you know him how do you feel about him. I would look at my man like he was a snake. Never trust him and find another man. Just my two cents.

 
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