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Old 01-13-2006, 12:21 AM   #1
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lady346 HB User
to Stacykgb20 and everyone else on this board!

Im the one with the long thread "Can you Just Fall out of Love like This?" as Im sure most of you know- Ive been posting a lot on others threads that are going through similar situations.
As part of my healing process, i've been looking back through all my old posts when my situation started, and it is really interesting to see all of the advice I received that was so dead-on. As hard as it is, I am doing better and feel stronger than I did before. He is officially cut out of my life, and I see him now as an immature and very selfish person that just didnt love me like I loved him. He doesnt deserve me.
Anyway, stacykgb20, your post in particular just really resonated with me right now, and I wanted to say thanks- you had incredible insight. I am posting a link to my thread when all this whole mess starting really getting to me so you can see what I am referring to (I went under my other name, Lals49 for some reason):

[url]http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=329307[/url]

Anyway, I hope in time I can move past this and find someone that will love me back unconditionally, as i did him. Thanks for such insightful advice to everyone that helped me.

 
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Old 01-13-2006, 11:04 AM   #2
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raaaaaaaaaar HB User
Re: to Stacykgb20 and everyone else on this board!

Hi citygirl

You and others on here have helped me too, sometimes just by expressing your feelings, I have often found that I am not alone in what i'm going through.

I'm still feeling pretty down but trying to stay strong and have even printed out some of your comfort and advice so I can look at it when i'm feeling sad! It's actually very helpful and can sometimes give me the strength to carry out the tasks that i'm finding very difficult at the moment! It seems really hard to even get myself in the shower recently

I still keep going back to how he's feeling and how I think he doesn't miss me AT ALL (i.e getting new girlfriend very soon after we split) and it's so hurtful to deal with. It's just not fair that he's getting on with his life and I seem to be stuck. However I am trying to look forward to the future and remember all of the wonderful family and friends in my life and how he is a selfish b*****d and doesn't deserve me! Sorry for the misery today-I think i'm having one of those bad days!

xx

 
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Old 01-13-2006, 11:27 AM   #3
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steakie46 HB User
Re: to Stacykgb20 and everyone else on this board!

Hi girls,

I just wanted to also thank everyone on the boards for the support and advice. Raaaaaar I was wondering what happened to you! I have my bad days too, typically though everyday is a bad, so i guess I should say I have my good and bad periods in the day. I know how you feel and I hope you continue to try and stay strong and know that you are not alone. I'm sorry yours is being so stupid, and I think mine may be doing the same thing! Citygirl I really admire your strength, I wish I were as strong as you in dealing with this situation, but it's like he was my every thought and I did so much for him and now I don't have anything to do, does that make sense? My hopes of him coming back just keep dwindling...I guess I really did put to much of myself into him, and now it sucks so bad, I still miss him so much, but it's like he doesn't miss me at all, or at least does not show it.......

Ladies, please continue to write and vent, as I know I will, about anything and everything! I am still having dreams about him every night, about getting back together......I miss my life with him so much.....


On a side note, I had a dream last night that I went to NYC! thought it was strange and funny and then in the dream I woke up and went on the comp to look at NYU information..wierd.

also i keep forgetting to ask...Raaaaaar where do you live? I am in Florida.

 
Old 01-13-2006, 11:45 AM   #4
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Lals49 HB User
Re: to Stacykgb20 and everyone else on this board!

Steakie- I live in NYC so by all means, if you're having dreams about it, its a great place to live (just a little $$, Im a grad student so I know!) Maybe it would help you to move and start a new life!

Anyway, thanks for the compliment about my strength. Sometimes I dont feel so strong...but I think I just realize what a great girlfriend I was to him, what a great person I am, and how he really is an idiot. It kind of helps. Honestly, I think if anything HE is the loser in this situation. I also think that I let all of my emotions and weakness out at once (the first two or so weeks) and was a ridiculous mess. I still got out of bed, showered like a normal person, etc. and did my thing and kept social and busy, but I would cry all the time and call everyone I knew to just talk things out. I just feel very grateful for all of the people that helped me, and although Im not quite 'there' yet (wherever 'there' is), I just appreciate looking back, seeing where I was once, reading the incredible advice I received and how RIGHT they really were, and wanted to thank everyone. I miss my life with my guy so much too, and I hate thinking he doenst care & is having a fine time with this situation, but he obviously changed by about 80%, and hes not the person I once loved so much anymore.

 
Old 01-13-2006, 12:02 PM   #5
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steakie46 HB User
Re: to Stacykgb20 and everyone else on this board!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lals49
Steakie- I live in NYC so by all means, if you're having dreams about it, its a great place to live (just a little $$, Im a grad student so I know!) Maybe it would help you to move and start a new life!

Anyway, thanks for the compliment about my strength. Sometimes I dont feel so strong...but I think I just realize what a great girlfriend I was to him, what a great person I am, and how he really is an idiot. It kind of helps. Honestly, I think if anything HE is the loser in this situation. I also think that I let all of my emotions and weakness out at once (the first two or so weeks) and was a ridiculous mess. I still got out of bed, showered like a normal person, etc. and did my thing and kept social and busy, but I would cry all the time and call everyone I knew to just talk things out. I just feel very grateful for all of the people that helped me, and although Im not quite 'there' yet (wherever 'there' is), I just appreciate looking back, seeing where I was once, reading the incredible advice I received and how RIGHT they really were, and wanted to thank everyone. I miss my life with my guy so much too, and I hate thinking he doenst care & is having a fine time with this situation, but he obviously changed by about 80%, and hes not the person I once loved so much anymore.
I did, and still am doing, what you said about calling people and talking to people just to talk things out. I found out, unfortunately who my real friends were by doing that too, b/c my one "friends" I called I coudl totally tell she wasn't listening. My mom, as always, was good o talk to, i am very close to my mom, but you can imagine that b/c she is my mom she was a bit defensive of her daughter My cousin was great and made me feel a lot better, and my other friend was pretty great, too. And of course my friends here on HB! I really appreciate everyone reading my rambling and freaking out posts!

WOW, moving to NYC would be so scary and fun! Really weird for me a small town untready 20 year old !Maybe we could be roommates!!! Anyways, do you go to NYU? and how much is your rent ( sorry, you do not have to answer that one if you don;t want to)? Just wondering b/c you never know!

 
Old 01-13-2006, 12:17 PM   #6
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raaaaaaaaaar HB User
Re: to Stacykgb20 and everyone else on this board!

Hi girls,

Sorry I have been away for a while-i've been busy with college work! I'm in England - live in a place called Medway in the south east. I'm so far away in the rainy weather!

Steakie-I feel similar to you in that every day is a bad day and there are good and bad periods. For me-a good day is where I am not feeling so bad I just want to die! I think it's important to remember that we are going through a difficult time so every day will be hard-but we just have to appreciate the good things-however small they may be. Today I really appreciated the fact that a friend sent me a text message asking to meet up-it really made me smile

And to both of you-we are all strong. By letting these feelings out it means that a bit (even if it is just a small bit) of the hurt comes out and is no longer inside of us. We WILL get through this and our ex's are stupid for letting us go-I think it's great that we have such caring personalities, so we just have to learn to care for ourselves a bit now!

xx

 
Old 01-14-2006, 09:14 AM   #7
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steakie46 HB User
Re: to Stacykgb20 and everyone else on this board!

Hey Ladies,

I guess I am having a bad day today. I just feel like you two are progressing really well but that I am not making very much progress at all. I still think about him all the time and cry about it. Worse, I am still blaming myself for things and wishing I had done this or that differently and thinking "if I knew I only had 3 months (or whatever time period) left with him I would've/or would not have done this/that." He is just such a great guy and I still feel like we were meant for each other, we loved eachother and we were best friends and had the same interests and values and we were both so comfortable around each other, it just hurts so bad why I miss him soooo much but I don't knwo if it has even really phased him...I just don't know what to do with myself, besides working and going to school...... I really reallize now that all my thoughts revolved around him/us... i put so much into the relationship and now I have nothing....

 
Old 01-15-2006, 11:07 AM   #8
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raaaaaaaaaar HB User
Re: to Stacykgb20 and everyone else on this board!

aww sweetie

I know how you're feeling-it is so hard and also different for everybody as every single relationship and situation is different. I've no doubt that its his contact that is dragging you down
I bet you're feeling so alone-guess what? Me too! Everyone keeps telling me how well i'm doing but I still get sad every day and still have the terrible pain in my chest. I'm grieving a major loss in my life and there is still that massive void there.
Yesterday was my birthday. I had a great day-went to watch a football match with some friends and then had a party in the evening. It was so lovely that my friends came along just for me, it was rather overwhelming and emotional but a good feeling none the less. The bad part came when I received a text message from my ex wishing me a very happy birthday and saying he hopes I have a great party. It actually made my heart race-although it was kind of nice that he was thinking of me it just made me really upset as it brought him to the forefront of my mind and all I could think about was him. I don't even know why he texted me cos last time we had contact it was not pleasant! i.e him telling me about his special new girlfriend and me telling him what a b*****d he is!! Or maybe he got jealous because a lot of our mutual friends came to my party and he wasnt invited :P I just don't know and I really don't wanna analyse it anymore but him being in contact has just made me so sad today!

It's just such an empty feeling. I hate him but still love him. I don't want him back but I also want him to hold me in his arms. I miss him but I really don't want to-I want to get him out of my head! grrrrrrrrr! I have this big gap in my life whereas he has filled any gap I left with a new relationship.

Sorry i'm not much use today!

Love Ra
x

 
Old 01-15-2006, 11:23 AM   #9
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lady346 HB User
Re: to Stacykgb20 and everyone else on this board!

Yeah it was always the contact that got me...I could be doing fine all day, and then get a text or email from him and would break down again. Thats why I had to cut him out completely. After that, I haven't cried much over him at all- maybe once or twice last week.
Its funny, I was debating whether to text my ex or send him a birthday card. I dont have to worry about it for another month and a half! So I might know more how I feel then. He doesnt deserve it, but Ive always been one to try to remember people's birthdays and acknowledge them (and hes like that too, more than me). So I dont know. I guess I'll worry about it then. He was just such a special person that it seems silly to ignore 'his day', but then I remember what he did to me and somehow I dont know if I'd feel so bad!
Raaar- I think your ex was just thinking about you and wanted to wish you a happy birthday, thats all. I dont think theres much more behind his actions than that. It is rough though when youre having a decent day and then you're reminded of him (trust me, I know) but I think he was well-intentioned; best thing to do is just not respond til you're ready.

 
Old 01-16-2006, 11:24 AM   #10
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raaaaaaaaaar HB User
Re: to Stacykgb20 and everyone else on this board!

Hiya citygirl

Yeah the text message really threw me! I'm seeing it as a setback-what it did for me is remind me of the kind person he was and in a way thats very hard! I've been doing my best to try and remember the bad things about him and why i'm better off without him-but the text brought back lots of memories of good times we had. It also means i've been thinking about him LOADS, and I had a dream last night where we got back together I don't even wanna get back with him as I know what it would be like and I know it would be a step backwards!
But.... I do still love him. Can't turn it off like a lightswitch. grrr why is it so hard?!!!!
Sorry! Anyway I felt better after talking it over with my sister-she made some good points about the whole thing. She said that she thinks one of the reasons he broke up with me is because he knew he couldn't make me happy and give me the love and commitment I deserve. And I think she's right, I really did put a lot of eggs into one basket with him, I spent so much of my energy trying to make him happy that I neglected myself and didn't really allow myself a chance to grow and do the things I wanted to. Some friends even told me that they had thought for a while that he didn't treat me the way I deserve to be treated and that i'm too good for him! I felt at the breakup that I wasn't good enough for him-but I suppose that's just how being with him made me feel. i.e not spending time with me, and choosing his stupid mates over me.

Phew! Really needed to vent!

Ra x

 
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