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Old 01-14-2006, 11:57 AM   #1
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Angry Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

Ok, here is my problem today.

My fiance and I have everything going great for us. We bought a nice house, we bought and own all of the furniture in it. We have done this all in a year.

Now things are always good for the most part. We have our good and our bad, just as everyone else.
xxxxx
Now I am all for him talking to old friends. Except this chic calls him at least 7 times a day. All day long she is calling to "catch up" This is only say day 5 of her finding him on here. He gave her his number thinking oh this is so cool I can talk to an old friend. Well she lives 2 states away, but that did not stop my honey and I from seeing eachother and doing things.

Ok, maybe I am overreacting, he says I am. But I found out that she has been trying to track him down for years. She had her friends searching online and calling all of the guys with the same name. She went on classmates to find him, tried calling his mother, his ex who lives back where he grew up. EVERYTHING. She has a few kids now and is seperated, I wonder why. This morning we are sitting in the kitchen enjoying coffee and breakfast together when she calls at 10 AM! Ok, now if she wants to call him a few times in the first week that she found him.. ok.. but yesterday she called him 5 times, the day before was every 2 hours, and the day before my fiance was like geesh I think she is still in love with me, she has called me nonstop all day.

How can we get her to backoff. My fiance got upset with me telling me I am insecure, but how can I not be when this b*tch keeps calling him at all hours of the day. He has mentioned oh I am going shopping with my girlfriend, but she does not stop jibberjabbing. She talks to him the entire car drive until the signal fell out and then she called back of which he did not pick up.

WHAT DO I DO? I am p*sssed to the hilt. I cannot take this chic coming into our lives. See another thing, she has no respect for me. I am white he is latino, she is latino. So maybe she does not care. I think she is trying to get with him how she could not back in high school, well someone needs to tell this chic that she needs to get a dog, because she cannot come near my guy.

Ok, sorry I needed to vent. Someone help me!!!!!!!!!!

Last edited by angel_light; 01-20-2006 at 01:15 PM.

 
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Old 01-14-2006, 12:24 PM   #2
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

Well, it's a good sign that he did not pick up that call you mentioned after the signal dropped, but it was a bad sign that he talked to her the whole way in the car before that happened. I don't think you main concern is this woman. She only has as much power as you give her. Your main concern is the fact that your fiance hasn't told her yet, "look it's been great to talk to you and to catch up, but I have a fiance and I have a very busy life and my first priority is my life with her I I don't have the time, nor is it appropriate, for me to be talking to you so much. It's been great to catch up, have a great year, I'll give you a ring on Christmas!" It's up to him to put his foot down with her. She's under no obligation to respect you or your union with him, your fiance is. In fact, with the shortage of good men out there, and the number of lonely single women out there, it's naive to expect her to stay away. Even someone as good and Christian as Amy Grant, who has respect for marriage and family and all that, when her feelings for Vince Gill grew while they were recording House Of Love, and when she felt the impulse to hug him, she didn't say "no, I'm married, he's married, I shouldn't it could lead to something not good." No. She just went right ahead and acted on her impulse, came up behind him, slipped her arms under his, wrapped her hands around his chest and gave him a full body squeeze, which led to a 10 year emotional affair, and divorces for both, and ending up together. If your fiance really lvoes you, the ball's in his court to make sure that doesn't happen. He's not an inanimate object that she can slip into her pocket and run away with when you're not looking. She can only steal him away if he chooses to be stolen. Ask him why he hasn't laid down the law with her yet.

 
Old 01-14-2006, 12:37 PM   #3
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

Yes, I was wondering the same thing: why does your fiance let this woman call him so much?? She calls him several times each day??? Maybe it could have been flattering on the first day, but it should have freaked him out the second day. I agree with Hiya--your fiance should tell her he's engaged and finds it inappropriate to talk to another woman so much and so often. It's getting ridiculous that she ends up calling at 10 am on a Saturday! I don't understand why he just doesn't ignore her calls.

 
Old 01-14-2006, 12:57 PM   #4
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

This woman reminds me of myself a little. There is a boy I knew in high school that I have been trying to get back in touch with for years, with no luck. If I found him again I would be elated. However, if he told me had a girlfriend then I would just ask how his life is going, wish him well, and then move on. This woman obviously doesn't have very much common sense, but it is not her fault so much as your fiance's.

Unless he really is THAT dense, then he should be well aware that this woman still has a crush on him. I can't believe that he has spent entire car trips with you on the phone with this woman. That is extremely disrespectful. Either he is a completely pushoever and doesn't know how to tell this woman to bug off, or else he is secretly very thrilled that she is falling all over herself for him. But how would he feel if there was an old male friend from your past calling you up all hours of the day? I'm sure he'd be a little annoyed. Even if he genuinely thinks and he and the woman are only friends, he knows that it bugs you, and he should respect that.

If he wants to keep you, then he needs to step up to the plate and let this woman know that while he was happy to hear from her, they have separate lives now and he is too busy to be spending so much time on the phone. Perhaps he could add that what he is busy WITH is planning his new life with his future bride? If you really mean that much to him, then he has to start showing it.

 
Old 01-14-2006, 03:21 PM   #5
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

I understand what all of you are saying. He needs to be the one to initiate the backing off. I just feel like she has no respect at all. Yesterday she called right around the time we would be eating dinner. This is not the first time either. I know she has already called him 2 more times today. I do not know if he has spoken to her again though.

Maybe I sound mean. But I am all for him finding new friends and old ones. Just none that are psycho like this chic. I know if I talked to a friend of mine that I have not seen in 10 years. Him and I would probably talk like say 2 times that week, and maybe once or twice more in the next months. I would not be calling him, and I would not appreciate him calling me all the time.

I will see what happens...

 
Old 01-14-2006, 03:28 PM   #6
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

Some women don't consider a man taken until there is a ring on his finger.
And some don't care even then.
As his wife you may feel more comfortable telling her exactly where to go - Is there a date set or are you just living together for awhile before you decide to legally commit?

 
Old 01-14-2006, 03:31 PM   #7
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by angel_light
I understand what all of you are saying. He needs to be the one to initiate the backing off. I just feel like she has no respect at all. Yesterday she called right around the time we would be eating dinner. This is not the first time either. I know she has already called him 2 more times today.
No, she doesn't have any respect. She's trying to insinuate herself into his life and between the two of you, that's the ultimate disrespect to you. The question is, what are you, and more importantly, what is your fiance, going to do about it? Have you asked him yet why he's allowing her to monopolize so much of his time? Like mamma Ruth says, you could just answer his phone and tell her your man won't be taking any more of her calls, thank you very much, but I'm not sure that will do much to deal with whatever your fiance is getting out of allowing this to continue. You could play protector she-beast and defend your territory, but it might be more to the point to simply get to the bottom of why he's allowing this to continue. If it were really bothering him that much, he'd put a stop to it, if he's not a total wuss. Why wont' he? Why is it up to you to deal with this?

Last edited by Hiya; 01-14-2006 at 03:35 PM.

 
Old 01-14-2006, 04:35 PM   #8
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

We have been together for 4 years, lived together for a year and a half when I moved out to be with him. We are planning on marrying either next Christmas, or right after the new year 2007.

Now this is what gets to me: he use to complain when I would call 3-4 times in one day. But we were together boyfriend and girlfriend and I lived 2200 miles away and we only saw one another once a month. He woud do the same some days to me. Call me to wake me up and say good morning and call me in the evening to say goodnight and see how my day went. Still some days he would complain about me being too needy, or whatever you know. Now this chic is a long distance friend of whom he was not very close to to begin with and he has not complained once yet.

Maybe he likes the attention.. grrrrr

 
Old 01-14-2006, 10:56 PM   #9
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by angel_light
Now this is what gets to me: he use to complain when I would call 3-4 times in one day. But we were together boyfriend and girlfriend and I lived 2200 miles away and we only saw one another once a month. He woud do the same some days to me. Call me to wake me up and say good morning and call me in the evening to say goodnight and see how my day went. Still some days he would complain about me being too needy, or whatever you know. Now this chic is a long distance friend of whom he was not very close to to begin with and he has not complained once yet.

Maybe he likes the attention.. grrrrr
Ah-ha, now we're peeling the onion. He's letting her get away with stuff he wouldn't tolerate from you. Well, of course, I think that would upset anyone. I think you should let him know just how you feel. Don't nag him or harp on it, but when you both are together, quiet and calm, tell him once that you see him accepting behavior from this virtual stranger that he wouldn't tolerate from you, someone much closer to him and someone who had more of a right to call 3-4 times a day than this other woman, and it hurts and let him take it from there. I could be a bit off base, but this is starting to smell like a big red flag to me. How he handles this situation could be indicative of his feelings and regard for you.

 
Old 01-14-2006, 11:42 PM   #10
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

His reaction to you about this issue is a major red flag as far as him being marriage material. Regardless of anyone"s intention. At this point, he doesn"t care whether you dislike the phone calls. It"s all about him and the need she fills at this time in his life.

 
Old 01-15-2006, 09:00 AM   #11
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiya
You could play protector she-beast and defend your territory, but it might be more to the point to simply get to the bottom of why he's allowing this to continue.
"Protector she-beast"---hahaha--you crack me up Nini!

I agree, btw, that it's not Angel's role to be beating this pesky girl off with a stick while her fiance is gleefully taking her multiple calls. Angel, have you already had this conversation with your fiance and told him you do not like this woman calling him so much? What is his reaction when you present your concerns to him?

 
Old 01-15-2006, 01:18 PM   #12
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

He understands, and has been ignoring her calls at least since late yesterday. He told me I have nothing to worry about.

He has not talked to her now in a whole 24 hours. I think maybe he might have said something after I got upset with him about her not respecting me nor him and our relationship. He treats me good, and we usually have minimal problems, but this came out of the blue.

I am happy that the phone has not rung yet today. I just hope he keeps this person under control, because otherwise I will say something, and I am not very nice when it comes to other girls even looking at my honey.

And I know it is weird that he has not complained about this chic calling so much, when he has if I have called him one too many times. I think he enjoys the attention. Which is ok, but she is going overboard with the obsessive behavior. She knows we live together, but still calls him all day. I am just waiting for her to call again. I think if I were to answer when she called maybe she might be like oh crap, and maybe she might back off a bit. I do not know how else to get her to go away.

I feel bad in that I want him to have friends and even some girls that are friends, but when it is like this, then I have a problem.

 
Old 01-15-2006, 01:22 PM   #13
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bluegreeneyeguy HB User
Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

Next time he wants to go down memory lane. Do it by email.

 
Old 01-15-2006, 02:45 PM   #14
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

Don't worry about the situation unless it continues. As someone said, he's probably just flattered and catching up at first and I'd imagine it's starting to bother him as well. He should have ended it after a couple of calls but its probably just an ego boost or something. It's not right but sometimes people just need that no matter how happy they are.

You have a right to wonder if he continued to answer the calls from now on but I certainly wouldn't worry about an otherwise great relationship because someone that live 2 states away, that has kids, and that he hasn't seen in 8 years calls him.

If he doesn't stop answering, than you have bigger problems on your hands.
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Last edited by V6 Jeep 4x4; 01-15-2006 at 02:50 PM.

 
Old 01-15-2006, 06:05 PM   #15
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Re: Going to lose my Mind!!!!!

You would rather have his old friend know your phone number than an email? A computer is less personal. Did he know she was looking for him before he gave his number out?
Sounds like you might want to delay any talk of marriage till you can trust him and he can figure out how to behave when another woman is interested in him. Giving out his phone number isn"t a good idea.

Last edited by bluegreeneyeguy; 01-15-2006 at 06:09 PM.

 
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