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Old 01-15-2006, 08:21 AM   #1
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Emilysmommie05 HB User
HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

Ok, so i have posted about my problems with my ex and how we were trying to work things out but he is mad at me again because i went over my best friends house and stayed the night there on Friday and he does not want me to be friends with her because i told him a stupid lie 5 years ago that i had sex with her boyfriend to make him jealous i know it was stupid and he said the only way we could get back together is if i stopped talking to her and i said ok, but we are not together right now and i wanted to see her, i don't think i should stop talking to her now if him and i are not even together, i told him i would slowly stop talking to her. And this has been the second time i have seen her since we broke up. Well he said he called me Friday when i was gone because he was going to tell me he decided he wanted to start being with me and working it out, but now he dosent' want to because i was with her on Friday, but her boyfriend was not even there!! So now he is saying i proved to him that i do not care about him and he is done right now, we have been broken up for 2 months, and we have been kinda seeing each other and kissing but then he makes jokes about us breaking up!! so i do not know what to do, he tries to make me feel bad but i don't because i do not think he is being fair, i mean he did break up with me in the first place.

So do you think he is right, should i stop talking to her now even though i didn't know for sure if we were getting back together? Am i wrong for going over to see her? HELP!!

 
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Old 01-15-2006, 09:09 AM   #2
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

You happen to love a man who is controlling and manipulative.
While you cannot help your feelings of love, you CAN choose NOT to see this man anymore because deep down you know that LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
And whenever you have doubts, remember that sentence and say it to yourself again.
And imagine a lifetime of someone who is telling you who you can talk to, and when, and for how long.
And a lifetime with someone who already has you questioning whether you are right to want to talk to a friend.

I am sure that you love him - and I understand from personal experience how you can love someone who is toxic for you.
Just remember - love isn't enough for a healthy lifetime relationship.
And, remember that:
He is wrong to try & control & manipulate you.
And remember,
You are better than this.
You are.

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 01-15-2006 at 09:10 AM.

 
Old 01-15-2006, 09:27 AM   #3
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

No, you should keep talking to her. And you should tell him you are NOT going to stop being friends with her even if you DO get back together. It's not his choice to decide your friends. And the fact that he wants you to stop being her friend because of who she's dating - that's just silly. Who she is dating has nothing to do with you.

I find it quite convenient that he was going to tell you he wanted to work on things since you weren't there to answer the phone. Seems to me that even if you would have been there to talk to him, he would have found some other excuse as to why he couldn't work things out anymore. Hasn't he given you enough excuses already?

 
Old 01-15-2006, 09:30 AM   #4
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Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

Sounds like a screwed-up, lying, manipulative jerk who just wants to mess with your mind and emotions. I'm sorry but that's the way I see it. This man is not normal.

 
Old 01-16-2006, 12:51 PM   #5
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Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

Quote:
Originally Posted by LostMyHeart
No, you should keep talking to her. And you should tell him you are NOT going to stop being friends with her even if you DO get back together. It's not his choice to decide your friends. And the fact that he wants you to stop being her friend because of who she's dating - that's just silly. Who she is dating has nothing to do with you.

I find it quite convenient that he was going to tell you he wanted to work on things since you weren't there to answer the phone. Seems to me that even if you would have been there to talk to him, he would have found some other excuse as to why he couldn't work things out anymore. Hasn't he given you enough excuses already?
Actually the person she is dating is my ex from HIGH SCHOOL! when i was like 15, and when i first got with my now ex-boyfriend i was mad at him and told him i had sex with this guy, and i didn't but i told him that i did before i met him. And it drove him crazy and when we broke up i told him i lied to make him jealous and he does not believe me, come on i was 16 when i first met my boyfriend i am 22 now! what the hell! get over it. i didn' have sex with him i lied when i was 16 to make him jealous and it worked. So he dosen't want me to talk to her for that reason. I think it is stupid and i guess i don't understand and he told mr the other night that any other gut that i would be with is going to not want me to talk to my best friend either that they will have the same problem he has, why?? Because i dated him when i was 15? he drives me crazy with this and he seems to love to make me feel bad.

 
Old 01-16-2006, 01:10 PM   #6
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tnmomofive HB User
Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

Yes he is trying to manipulate you so ridculous to think you should dump your best friend over this guy.I have a best friend and if my husband told me to cut the friendship off no matter what reason I would tell him where to stick it.
As you said you never really slept with her now b/f so I dont get the issue he has and even IF you had that would have been years ago.I think he is very insecure and manipulating he doesnt seem to care about the value of your friendship with your best friend.I cannot help but think there is more to him feeling this way but I also think it is all totaly irrational.

I would tell him NOWAY I will not dump my best friend to fufill your childish insecurity.I know what it is like to be with a man who manipulates I have probs with my hub with this sometimes but I decided to put my foot down I wont stay to be manipulated its just so not worth it

good luck to you!

Last edited by tnmomofive; 01-16-2006 at 01:11 PM.

 
Old 01-16-2006, 01:44 PM   #7
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Hiya HB User
Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilysmommie05
Actually the person she is dating is my ex from HIGH SCHOOL! when i was like 15, and when i first got with my now ex-boyfriend i was mad at him and told him i had sex with this guy, and i didn't but i told him that i did before i met him. .
Ok, for clarity's sake, I just want to make sure we've all got this: you dated someone whenyou were 15. You broke up. then you met Mr. I'll-Tell-You-Who-Your-Friends-Are and when things first started up with him, you had a fight, so make him jealous you told him which one? 1) Ha, you weren't the first one, I had sex with my first boyfriend before you ever came along! or 2) Ha! While you and I were fighting, I slunk off and had sex with my old boyfriend!! I'm confused as to which one you told him. not that there's that much difference, but just to be clear.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilysmommie05
what the hell! get over it. i didn' have sex with him i lied when i was 16 to make him jealous and it worked. So he dosen't want me to talk to her for that reason..
Well, no. That's the reason he wants you to believe, but he's lying. The real reason why he doesn't ever want you to talk to your friend again is because he's one of those sick, unbalanced jerkweed guys who ge ttehir jollies out of making their girlfriends jump through hoops just to see how much they can screw with their heads and how deeply under their thumb they can grind you. You must believe this if you never believe anything else about this guy - if you promised to give up your girlfriend forever and kept your word, he would then find something else to make you do or not do in order to "prove your love" to him. And as soon as you gave in to that request, he'd find another, and another, and another, etc. etc. Because that's what he enjoys. The thrill of seeing you cower and tremble at the thought of losing him that you will beg him to tell you how high when he says jump. And by the way, he's wrong. Any decent man who really cares for you will not care who you slept with or didn't sleep with before you met him, and would even do his best to forgive you for being a little immature and trying to make him jealous that way and giving you the benefit of the doubt that you are able to mature.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilysmommie05
he drives me crazy with this and he seems to love to make me feel bad.
Now you're starting to get it.

 
Old 01-16-2006, 02:28 PM   #8
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

Quote:
The real reason why he doesn't ever want you to talk to your friend again is because he's one of those sick, unbalanced jerkweed guys who ge ttehir jollies out of making their girlfriends jump through hoops just to see how much they can screw with their heads and how deeply under their thumb they can grind you.
Exactly.

Yes, it is extremely convenient that he was calling to mend things with you but then decided against it because you had disobeyed him, Lord and Master, by visiting your friend. Don't EVER let a guy tell you who can or cannot be friends with. From all the evidence you have presented, this guy really is a loser. Enough already.

 
Old 01-16-2006, 02:36 PM   #9
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Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsyArcher
Exactly.

Yes, it is extremely convenient that he was calling to mend things with you but then decided against it because you had disobeyed him, Lord and Master, by visiting your friend.
True, that sounds like complete BS to me. He had no intention to get back with you, Emily'sMom. He is just playing mind games with you.

 
Old 01-16-2006, 03:10 PM   #10
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Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

This kind of reminds me of when I was young and would do something that made my mom upset. So then she'd say something like, "Well I WAS going to take you to Disneyland, but now that I know you didn't listen to me, you lose out!" (When we lived like, 4,000 miles away from Disneyland and had to look under couch cushions to find change for a gallon of milk). A weird kind of punishment scenario where someone tries to punish you by withholding something they weren't going to do anyway. They can't lose! A classic.
Don't fall for it.

 
Old 01-16-2006, 03:48 PM   #11
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Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

Yeah, that IS a classic! SOOO obvious. The worst part is, you start regeretting something that would have never happened anyway. My ex was like that, too. He said I could have been married to him by now and could have done anything I wanted to with him, if only I wasn't so "bit**y." Yeah, right And I'm not even a bi***y person by nature. It's all mind-you-know-what. Don't fall for it is right.

 
Old 01-16-2006, 04:21 PM   #12
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Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

Emilysmommie, I did catch your 1st post where you explained the history of your friend's boyfriend. I still say who she is dating has nothing to do with you. But I can't add anymore about him to what has been said. I think everyone else covered it all.

However, from another viewpoint, to go back to the original post. Have you even thought about this from your friend's side of things?
You ask if you should stop talking to her now or wait until you are back with your bf.
If you intend to end this friendship for your bf, then, yes, you should end the friendship now, regardless of whether you are together right now or not.
DON'T phase her out slowly, DON'T just hang around her until your and your bf get back together. That is so incredibly unfair to her. Isn't she supposed to be your best friend?
I can tell you, if I were her, I would want you to just stop talking to me now. If our friendship were conditional based on the circumstances with your bf, I'd say it's better to be without the friendship.
If you two are really close, I can just imagine how hurt she would be. Don't you care about her more than that? For as much as it is hurting you to have someone (your bf) come in and out of your life - don't do the same thing he is doing to you to your best friend.

 
Old 01-16-2006, 05:28 PM   #13
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Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

Why would this guy be so against your friend?? She hasn't done anything wrong. That's why I am convinced he's a manipulating jerk who would find any excuse not to be with you and not to take care of his own flesh and blood. Btw, did you decide to bring him to court yet? Your baby deserves this, you know. I can tell you first hand, as someone who had to live in deprivation just because my mother had too much "pride" to bring my father to court for alimony. How stupid of her!

 
Old 01-16-2006, 06:25 PM   #14
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Emilysmommie05 HB User
Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Why would this guy be so against your friend?? She hasn't done anything wrong. That's why I am convinced he's a manipulating jerk who would find any excuse not to be with you and not to take care of his own flesh and blood. Btw, did you decide to bring him to court yet? Your baby deserves this, you know. I can tell you first hand, as someone who had to live in deprivation just because my mother had too much "pride" to bring my father to court for alimony. How stupid of her!
As of right now i have not ONLY because he is paying for my car that he bought for me, and until he decides he dosen't want to pay for the car then i will not take him to court, but the minute he tries to take it or anything then you better believe i will take him to court!!

 
Old 01-16-2006, 06:32 PM   #15
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Re: HELP, he keeps making me feel bad..

[QUOTE=Hiya]Ok, for clarity's sake, I just want to make sure we've all got this: you dated someone whenyou were 15. You broke up. then you met Mr. I'll-Tell-You-Who-Your-Friends-Are and when things first started up with him, you had a fight, so make him jealous you told him which one? 1) Ha, you weren't the first one, I had sex with my first boyfriend before you ever came along! or 2) Ha! While you and I were fighting, I slunk off and had sex with my old boyfriend!! I'm confused as to which one you told him. not that there's that much difference, but just to be clear.

I said i had sex with him BEFORE i met him i did not tell him i cheated on him and had sex with him while we were together, that is why i don't understand, he was always so upset about it during our relationship too, and i never told him it was a lie, because i was scared he would dump me over it so when we were finally broke up i decided to tell him the truth, because i guess i thought i had nothing to lose. It is only hard for me to tell him to bite me because we do have a baby and i wanted to try to keep our family together, but he is playing games because he always wants me to be sad over our breakup! And i was histerical, but now i am getting pretty much over it, because he has made me so mad with his mind games and selfishness, but it is hard to not blame yourself and feel like " what if i just would have done this.." and thinking that i am screwing up something that COULD be good if i only did these things. Like he is perfect and all of our problems were my fault!! It is real hard when someone tells you all the bad things you do and make you feel guilty especially when it is the person you were supposed to spend the rest of you life with!! So that is where i am mostly hurt. Now i am mad.

 
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