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Old 01-16-2006, 08:29 AM   #1
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InLove4Real HB User
Is this normal?

Well...Thank you all for reading this. I do appreciate the advice.

I have been in a relationsip for 4 years now and I am starting to think something isn't right. Last night my man and I "tried" to make love to each other but it just didn't happen. He just couldn't "rise" for the occasion. This is weird for me because he initiated the whole situation and then pretty much bombed out. This has never happened before especially if he has started the moment.
I'm concerned because when I asked him if there was something wrong he just said no and went to sleep. I have been worried lately anyway about him cheating and he says that he isn't...so since we really haven't had an fidelity issues I have just brushed it off, or at least tried to.
But I can't say that I haven't been feeling different about this relationship. Sometimes I find myself thinking about other men and wanting to meet other guys but I haven't because I have put so much time into this, I don't want to ruin it.
I really love him but I am starting to have doubts on if this is going to last any longer. I would love to marry this man because we have a lot of the same ideas and goals and we are great parent together. I don't want to pressure him into marriage (that's just stupid) and I definitely don't want to linger around living like I am married but without the benefits.
I just don't no if I should stay around and try some more, or just move on.

 
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Old 01-17-2006, 12:58 PM   #2
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nobodytotalkto HB User
Re: Is this normal?

Him not being able to "rise" to the occasion can be due to any number of things, not just infidelity. My husband had a problem with it a couple of months after we started dating. The first night, he was really stressed out over something at work. It made him upset and he didn't want to talk about it either. The second night, he had the previous night's embarrassment on mind and that ruined the mood. So on for the next several nights. He couldn't stop fearing that he couldn't get "up" and that caused him not to. It was only after we talked about it that he was able to relax enough for us to enjoy ourselves. Your boyfriend probably just had something on his mind and felt embarrassed after he couldn't perform.

I think everyone is curious at one time or another, about whether they are with Mr. Right or what some other person would be like. I don't know of a single person who hasn't had doubts. It doens't mean that you are wanting to seriously date someone else though. But if it is a constant thought, then perhaps your heart is trying to tell you that you aren't as happy in this present relationship as you think.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 
Old 01-17-2006, 03:28 PM   #3
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bluegreeneyeguy HB User
Re: Is this normal?

In love, Reread your post. You have many contradicting statements. As for your reasons for marriage. Is passion one of them?

 
Old 01-18-2006, 05:00 AM   #4
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InLove4Real HB User
Re: Is this normal?

Most people contradict themselves when they are in love...ever heard of being blinded by love. I may sound confused, but I know what I want and I know what I will deal with. What I am asking is if this is what normal people go through. And I don't believe any relationship really has passion.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 06:20 AM   #5
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ErimusValidus HB User
Re: Is this normal?

Quote:
Originally Posted by InLove4Real
And I don't believe any relationship really has passion.
Wow! I feel sorry for you if you truly feel that way.
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Old 01-18-2006, 06:31 AM   #6
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Music4All HB User
Re: Is this normal?

Quote:
Originally Posted by InLove4Real
And I don't believe any relationship really has passion.
Huh....."any"?

Passion comes in many flavors and I guarantee some relationship most definitely have passion. Maybe to your vision or definition of passion, you have not yet experienced it. Some relationships are successful and even happy without sexual passion, but even then, they may enjoy other passions that keep them interested in each other. Many a relationsip thrives for at least the first months on passion alone. In the eye of the beholder, I suppose.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 06:36 AM   #7
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Is this normal?

Quote:
Originally Posted by InLove4Real
. But I can't say that I haven't been feeling different about this relationship. Sometimes I find myself thinking about other men and wanting to meet other guys but I haven't because I have put so much time into this, I don't want to ruin it.
I really love him but I am starting to have doubts on if this is going to last.
I agree with Erimus....it sounds as if "you've lost that feeling"!!! I have been married for 18 years now and still feel the passion (although not to the same degree as when we first met, but still both my husband & I do experience great passion with one another.) And as Music says...passion comes in many forms not just sexual. In fact it is the passion for life and common interests that I find the most rewarding type .

If you are feeling different and find yourself thinking about other men and wanting to meet other guys, that is a pretty good sign that you are definitely looking for more than what you have in this relationship. And to stick around just because of the time you have invested to only add another day, month, year of unfulfillment to your life is only settling for less than you want or need in your life.

I think it is time to really think about how this relationship fulfills you.....I have a feeling that your lack of fulfullment is demonstrated in the bedroom as well and that there is a good chance that he has picked up on this as well. Not to dismiss that there may be other reasons that he "couldn't rise to the occasion" such as stress, alcohol, smoking and other external factors.

From your post....it sounds as if you are looking for so much more than you have in this relationship of 4 years. There is more to marriage than just sharing the same ideas and being good parent material. It's being with someone who makes you feel confident and good about yourself. Of course you have to start out feelng that way to begin with.

I think that you need to make a decision and stick with it......but do not allow the time you have invested to be the deciding factor. The thing is, if you make a bad investment, it is a general rule to get out and reinvest what you got into something you know will increase in value before you lose it all. You need to look at this relationship in such a way.

Good luck and let us know how things go ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 01-18-2006 at 06:39 AM.

 
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