Rubato ~ I must say "hats off" to Ruth's advice
I am behind her 100% in the fact that unless there is abuse or addiction involved, everything is fixable so long as love, comittment and honoring those vows is concerned!! I say this because I am living proof of that.
Not too long ago I came here after 16 years of marriage thinking that there was nothing that I could do to fix it. Well guess what....I was wrong!!! With the wonderful support & caring people here....I was given a second chance and am so grateful for that. I came here in my darkest moment feeling as if I were sucked up in a tornado about to lose the most precious thing in my life, my marriage. I was blessed with some wonderful people here who I know God placed in my life to show me the way home. And with their patience and caring, they showed me the way to get there. It took alot of trust & love on my part and a deep wanting and openness as well in order to make the changes necessary to rebuild what me & my husband had lost over the years. And I know, that with a little bit of work on your part, you will be able to do the same.
Start by looking deep within yourself and do what you can do to tend the garden that you and your husband have grown together. You have 15 years together, as I did, and in that time I am sure that you & your husand have allowed the weeds to take over your garden. It's not too late....with enough love and committment you can work on pulling those weeds out and restoring the beauty that was once there. Become the sunshine in your relationship...way too often we become windy with complaint, taking for granted the things we are to one another. Men respond well to warmth, like the sunshine they only want to get closer. But when we are windy, they gather their coat together to get away and often retreat or find shelter away from it. Learn to be the sunshine again...that which your husband wants to only be closer to. I learned this here with the help of many friends and I want to share it with you as well.
Most of all...when you make these little changes within yourself, you will see your husband respond favorably and start making the changes within himself too.
We live in a time & age where too often people give up on something that involves deep love and committment and simple maintenance in order to work and thrive. We are caught up in the "mindset" today, whether it be in terms of something we buy or marry....that when it breaks well instead of taking the time to fix it, discard of it and move on...only to see that eventually it all breaks down until we realize that we can fix it and sustain it with a little effort on our part.
It is time to restore your garden and rid it of the weeds that have over grown to take away from it's true beauty. With enough love & commtittment, you can revive what is most precious to you, as I learned to do. I thought it was all due to the support I got here...but a very precious friend told me that it was my deep love & commitment in wanting to keep something so precious that allowed me to find my way home.
I think you can too.....you only have to want it enough, to actually make it happen.