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Old 01-17-2006, 03:18 AM   #1
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charlatans HB User
desperate for help

he came back from his break to tell me he loved me and never wanted to let me go. i still felt a little insecure and wasnt my normal self. i needed time and attention which he couldnt give, he admitted in the end. things werent perfect but needed time. we had a slight disagreement about things on wednesday and on on thursday he told me it was over. he was screaming down the phone, blamingme for everything. he said he was never in love with me. he didnt want to see me again. i was in public and i just broke down, yelling. i was in the busiest part of london and everyone was looking at me. for days i called him and told him i loved him, telling him id change. he said he doesnt care. i had a family wedding to go to on sunday and i couldnt bear it. i looked a state after crying for days and couldnt stop crying during the wedding. my friend was so concerned about me he called my ex and tried to patch things up between us but a misunderstanding happened. my friend told my ex to give things another go after some time apart although my ex said yes ok he meant being friends after some time. i heard my friends side of th story and i became so happy. i called my ex and invited him to the wedding, i wanted everyone to meet the man of my dreams, and he said no, he hadnt changed his mind, that my friend had misunderstood things.
yesterday i txt him again asking him maybe time paart would be good, he replied yes it would be, we need some time apart otherwise we'll end up hurting eachother. i became excited. i then messaged him something nice and sweet later saying how we'll talk soon about this and he sent me a message being very blunt about how he never wants to see me again, i need to stop doing this etc.
again in public i broke down crying hysterically.
i dont think anyone understands how i feel. to hear those words from him has killed me.
i really havent stoped crying. the feeling hurts so much. if only he could understand how i feel. if only.
i still dont understand so much.
i cant stop crying, im not going to work or university. my life feels like its over.
i know ill be ok in about 5/6monts but i cant cope with these feelings till then.
i txt him last night, out of anger, telling him that id been sleeping with someone for the past month and the reply i got was that he didnt want to talk. i called him. now hes ignoring me. he doesnt care.
he doesnt care and i cant cope. ive been left to suffer on my own, so bad, whilst he is happy, wanting to move on and be happy, as he put it.
i want to believe there is hope, i want to believe these feelings will go away but they wont. wel not for al ong time and i cant cope. i havent eaten since saturday.
how can i feel like this whilst he is out wanting me out of his life? i want him to know how i feel, i want him to feel hurt. how can you f#~k around with someone like that and get away with it?
im never going to see his beautiful face again, ill never eard his laugh, ill never be with.
im so scared of going to bed at night, i cry then sleep for one hour then wake up and cry until the morning when i call my friend who barely knows what to say and tells me things to annoy me to make me hate him.

im arguing with everyone.
i just want to get away from these feelings. i should be happy but im not ill suffer for months. my life has been damaged.

i dont know what to do.

i only wanted him to love me, i dont deserve any of this, im not a bad person

i feel like death would be better than this

i can acept its over, but it hurts, i cant acept not seeing his face or being with him
he has thrown me away like a piece of rubbish

im so scared i dont want to be unhappy, why cant be be unhappy?

the feelings are unbearable

 
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Old 01-17-2006, 03:31 AM   #2
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eve40 HB User
Re: desperate for help

I am going to be blunt here. You are out of control. The first thing you must do is stop calling, texting and contacting him, period. Panic and desperation are not attractive emotions and can kill a man's feelings quickly and permanently. You were feeling unsure, with good reason. That uncertianity is still there, it's just hidden behind the panic. Give both of you some time to calm down. He may start missing you.

 
Old 01-17-2006, 03:43 AM   #3
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Re: desperate for help

no, this is it. he wont start missing me. he doesnt care. he was never in love with me. he has moved on. if he hasnt, as he has told me, he wants to move on to be happy. he wont miss me. i wasnt that special or important.
i gave so much to him. too much. i really loved him. he took so much from me. in the end, im suffering as a result and hes a happier man because of it.
he saw this coming, he knew he was never going to be in love with me. despite saying it a few months ago, despite crying down the phone to me because of his strong feelings, how can i believe all that happened/
he knows how upset i am. how upset i was when he was talking to me, but he deliberately made it worse.
i wish for him to come back but this is it. i wont see him again. he doesnt want me. he'll want other girls now.
people use to tell him how lucky he was to have me. all his family and friends. they loved me more than he did. i thought what we had was good. he was trashed everything.
im so mixed up. i want this feeling to end. it really is unbearable.
i never meant to hurt him. even if i did it was because i loved him. thats all i wanted, love.
i debate with myself at times how to win him back. but its impossible for me to debate whether or not to try to get over this. too many things are hurting. my life is a mess.
yes, eve, , i am out of control because of my feelings.
i just want him back. but he wont come back. i want these feelings to disappear. but they wont.
i dont understand how he can be happy and want to get away from me for good. i just cant.

 
Old 01-17-2006, 03:46 AM   #4
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Re: desperate for help

he may be out 2rw night, im thinking about turning up with some friends. maybe this will help some how? if i seem happy, maybe this will help?
i still dont know what i want for sure other than him. but i know i cant have him. suggestions please.

 
Old 01-17-2006, 05:22 AM   #5
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charlatans HB User
Re: desperate for help

its all my fault
after he came back from his break we were happy for one week
i spoke to my cousin and she told me to play hardto gte, that it would make him want me more
but this is why this has all happened and i cant forgive myself
i still havent stopped crying
i cant believe how ive done this to myself

i keep thinking of ways to talk to him, tell him how i feel, but ive done all of this and hurt myself more

i want him back so much
im even thinking of emailing him...but i dont know what to say

he did tell me yesterday we were never goin to get back together
but what if
but then i think im a fool

i feel even more stupid for senidng that txt that i was sleeping with somone else ofr hte past month

im so messed up this is never going to end

my family just dnt help
my friends cant do much
i want someone to help me

 
Old 01-17-2006, 05:33 AM   #6
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Re: desperate for help

WOW i am new to these boards and I must say i have gotten excellent advice. These people here have helped me thru my feelings. And this is what i learned.
1. Do not live for anyone else but yourself FIRST.
2. Never let anyone destroy your heart, you are the only one that can allow this
3. Think of yourself as a wonderful, loving human being and anyone man or woman who has had the chance to be with you is blessed
4. Jealousy , will kill anyone.
5. Why would you want someone that doesnt want you? YOU DESERVE BETTER.
6. Seek professional help.
i did when i got divorced...did wonders.
7. Love YOURSELF first
8. Smile no matter how much you hurt
9. vent vent vent VENTTTT cant stress that enough
10 and always live your own life dont try to live your life around someone elses..
I hope you realize that you do not need this man no matter how much you think you do. One day at a time. i wish you the best.
RM

 
Old 01-17-2006, 05:37 AM   #7
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charlatans HB User
Re: desperate for help

thanks rachel
i know all of this, i use to the be the person all my friends would come to for advice
i tended to be such a determined and positive person- i didnt know someone as determined and positive as me to be honest

now im tearing myself apart
im scared to go to uni because everywhere will remind me of him
i love him so much
and its all messed up because of me

 
Old 01-17-2006, 05:39 AM   #8
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charlatans HB User
Re: desperate for help

i thought counselling would help but i dont think so
what can they offer that my family and friends cant?

 
Old 01-17-2006, 05:40 AM   #9
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Re: desperate for help

why do you love him?

 
Old 01-17-2006, 05:56 AM   #10
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charlatans HB User
Re: desperate for help

ive nevet felt so comfortable around anyone else, ive never felt so much happiness round someone, hes so beautiful in everyway...he is perfect...i had a very very very special feeling around him
now hes gone and icant bear it

 
Old 01-17-2006, 11:37 AM   #11
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eve40 HB User
Re: desperate for help

If he never truly loved you, then whatever you felt was an illusion. He never felt it. I must say, that his behavior to you was vindictive and mean, saying those things to you. Of course, if you told him you were sleeping with somebody else, his behavior wasn't unexpected, was it? I don't think it served much purpose to tell him that. Whether you did, or not, is irrevelant now as I doubt he would believe the truth anyway.
For now, you need to start concentrating on yourself. Ask yourself what worked, in this relationship, and what didn't. What do you want in a man? How could you improve a relationship, in other words, what actions can you take, to create a better relationship, in the future. Pamper yourself, once a day. Spend as much or as little as you can afford. Don't contact him.
Start getting out with friends again, restablish your social life. Do not go where you know he hangs out. Do not contact him again.
Start developing hobbies, interests and a life of your own, seperate from any man, in your life. Keep this life, even when you start to see new men. Never let a man be the main event, in your life. Do not contact this user.
In all honesty, I would do some deep soul searching and ask yourself why you needed to tell your boyfriend that you were sleeping with another, when you weren't. You were not, right? That was very immature of you. I'm not blaming you for the breakup, but that kind of immaturity will help destroy a relationship. That is why I suggested that you review your part, in the collapse, of this relationship. Do not call that man.
Now, lets not let him off the hook. Any man who lies to a woman and tells her he loves her, when he doesn't, is a user and a player. A user and a player is bound to break your heart, sooner or later. If being used like that isn't one of your life goals, then this breakup is a blessing in disguise. It will make you stronger and wiser. It should help you pick wiser next time. Once you know what you want, and don't want, and what you can, and cannot give.

Last edited by eve40; 01-17-2006 at 11:41 AM.

 
Old 01-17-2006, 01:42 PM   #12
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Re: desperate for help

there is nothing to learn from this bad experience, i can promise you that. i didnt give my heart easily to this guy, really.
i dont think he did use me. i think he did love me, he told me he did at one point, but got scared and wanted time. i just didnt give it to him. i love him beyond belief. but i will never call him.
it hurts that he hasnt called me to see how i am or ask me if the message i sent was the truth. i sent him that message for revenge but it didnt work.
i spent all day in bed crying, with my mum by my side. she wants to talk to him but i told her there was no point. i feel as though i have no friends.
not know what he is doing or thinking, not being able to see his smile, not knowing if he feels the same, or if he ever did, how he can just be without me, knowing he can go out and be happy without me- all these are killing me and all this i heard from him a week and a half ago when we had a disagreement and he thought he was going to lose me.
i dont hate him. i just think of him and how perfect he is.
2rw will be another day of crying.
i will go to university, but with my mum, i cant be alone.

 
Old 01-17-2006, 02:20 PM   #13
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Re: desperate for help

Honey you are going a mile a minute .. this stuff is HARD .. I understand that! So many of us here have had our hearts broken .. and have healed! Some are still healing ... but we are way better than that first few days .. that first week .. that first month where there never seems to be a light at the end .. but there is!

This is what I did and it HELPED me alot. Make 2 lists. On one list go ahead and say alll the great things about him .. all the stuff you loved ... and on the other list .. for every good thing you listed .. you have to list one bad thing .. one thing you hated .. one thing that he did that hurt you .. one thing that was not right ..

Make your lists .. see that your idea of PERFECT .. is very cloudy right now because you are so hurt.

Also, serriously get some help. A professional can help you alot with the depression you are feeling right now.
__________________
Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of children - The Crow

 
Old 01-17-2006, 05:05 PM   #14
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reddoorblack HB User
Re: desperate for help

Quote:
Originally Posted by RachelMichelle
WOW i am new to these boards and I must say i have gotten excellent advice. These people here have helped me thru my feelings. And this is what i learned.
1. Do not live for anyone else but yourself FIRST.
2. Never let anyone destroy your heart, you are the only one that can allow this
3. Think of yourself as a wonderful, loving human being and anyone man or woman who has had the chance to be with you is blessed
4. Jealousy , will kill anyone.
5. Why would you want someone that doesnt want you? YOU DESERVE BETTER.
6. Seek professional help.
i did when i got divorced...did wonders.
7. Love YOURSELF first
8. Smile no matter how much you hurt
9. vent vent vent VENTTTT cant stress that enough
10 and always live your own life dont try to live your life around someone elses..
I hope you realize that you do not need this man no matter how much you think you do. One day at a time. i wish you the best.
RM
Rachel... You are dead-on right. Sometimes it's hard when in the middle of a crisis to remember these things but you've cut out all the text in between and put it in its simpliest form. I read this just now and thought to myself, that's it, in a nut shell.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 02:08 AM   #15
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charlatans HB User
Re: desperate for help

the mornings are so bad because i wake up and for five seconds or so i still think he is in my life and i reach towards my phone and suddenly it hits me.
ive just got up to go to university.
im still debating whether or not to go out tonight and to possibly see him around. id be with a new group of people who he hasnt met, id be looking good and id be witha guy who he hates- if i look happy and not bothered this may make me feel better that he knows im (pretending) to be over him and he didnt mean anything (which isnt true).
im still madly in love with him. i dont think i could even lista bad point about him other than that he bottles things up. thats the only bad thing about him. im still not angry at him. hes stilll perfect. im missing him so much. i want him back so bad.
i even thought about writing an email to him- i dont know why- to express myself. but il have to hold it in. i simply cant. i guess i just want him to know, again, how much i love him and mean it (he didnt believe me when i use to tell him) and i want him to know how difficult this kind of love is to find. but he wont care. i dont think another person will love him as much as i do- or do as much as i did for him.
i really cant bear life without him. i really cant.

 
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