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Old 01-17-2006, 12:28 PM   #1
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steakie46 HB User
After a serious, long-term realtionship...

hi all thanks for reading. I was just wondering and wanting to get some input from those who have gone through this, this is my first major break after a 3.25 year relationship and I mess. Anways, i was just wondering after a serious, long-term relationship how long did it take you to "get over" the person and to be able to enjoy yourself and date other, new people? I guess it depends on the situation and the length, but please feel free to share those details and details like it with your answer. Thanks again, I am trying to look on the bright side of the situation, it's really hard, so i though this might help or at least give comfort/insight.

 
Old 01-17-2006, 12:44 PM   #2
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Hiya HB User
Re: After a serious, long-term realtionship...

Hey Steakie -

First of all, I think you can get into a lot of trouble comparing yourself to anyone else or any other situation. I think it's something we each have to work out in our own time in our own way, but i think you'll get a lot of really good advice on how others got through it. Myself, it's been 8 years for me and I have never gone back to being the person I was before I met the ex, never been able to really laugh and mean it since then, and haven't had anything but a sporatic string of horrible, nightmarish first dates, but I think my situation is a little unique in many ways.

I think your heart will let you know when you're ready to move on. I always think of that Garth Brooks song, This Learning How To Live Again Is Killing Me or something like that, about this guy who's heart is still all broken and he's out on a date and having an absolutely horrible time because all he wants is to be back with his ex but he knows he can't be. It's not something you should rush, but it's not something you should really put off, either, it's a tricky fine line, but I think once you do some initial inner work, embracing the end of the relationship, realizing it was for the best that it ended, etc. and putting a little space between you and your ex and doing a good job at filling up your life with positive things that don't have anything to do with your ex, you will be ready to try a date. And don't expect to have a great time the first time out. You'll go out on many many dates that you won't enjoy, especially if you do the blind date/online dating thing. but every date, good or bad, is a learning experience and a chance to grow and get better at the whole dating thing. Have faith and trust your instincts. Good luck to you!

 
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Old 01-17-2006, 12:49 PM   #3
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: After a serious, long-term realtionship...

I honestly can't say that I ever "got over" someone I loved enough to have such a serious relationship with. I could say that I "love them" to this day.

That said, I was usually ready to start giving dating a try after 6 months or so. Usually the first few didn't go much of anywhere, but I did learn that I could survive a break-up and it was usually for the best.

I was 2 1/2 yrs into a relationship with a guy I'd known for a total of five years when he dumped me.
Six months later I met the man I have been married to for 16 years.
It was a pretty healthy feeling to be absolutely GLAD that I had gotten dumped in order to be single to meet Mr. Ruth!

 
Old 01-17-2006, 01:11 PM   #4
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: After a serious, long-term realtionship...

I'll let ya know when I get there.

 
Old 01-17-2006, 01:19 PM   #5
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dewdrop333 HB User
Re: After a serious, long-term realtionship...

I was with my ex for 8 years. I started dating about a year after the break up. I can honestly say that I am not 'over' my ex but I am open to the idea now .. and I have had a boyfriend since then .. and while that didnt work out (we were together 7 months) I learned alot and know that I am able to have thoes feelings for someone again.

It is true that everyone is diffrent .. you will know when you are ready to try again. Good luck to you!
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Old 01-18-2006, 08:04 PM   #6
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Emilysmommie05 HB User
Re: After a serious, long-term realtionship...

If you really want to get over someone, i know this may sound bad, but DO NOT think about the good things think about all the bad and why the relationship actually ended in the first place, and get mad, if there is anything that was really bad about the relationship, that is what i have been doing and i was in a 5 year relationship and we also have a baby together, and i always was sad because i thought about all the good times we had, and wanted them back but then i actually sat down and thought about all the bad things and why we should not be together and how unhappy i would be if i got back with him, and got mad and decided that there is something better out there for me and i am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. And i do not know your situation but maybe this could be true for you also. If there is no hope of getting back together because you know you both will not be happy then just know that there is someone out there for you and they are waiting as we speak to love you the way you deserve to be loved, always keep that in mind,that this one most likely wasn't the one for you. If i knew more details i could probably help you more, i have had a lot of experience with the bad break up thing and being sad and trying to move on but if you would like to keep it private that is also understandable. If you ever need to talk i am here because i know exactly how you feel, so don't hesitate to post directly to me, because i know what you are going through. Good Luck to you and let us know how you are doing.

HUGS

Emilysmommie (Lindsey)

 
Old 01-18-2006, 08:39 PM   #7
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Fabat40 HB User
Re: After a serious, long-term realtionship...

Hi Steakie46,

There's no set time limit on getting over someone, in my humble opinion. It all depends on you. Speaking for myself, 1 boyfriend of 3 years took me 5 years to get over him (I was already serial dating while I was getting over him), and another boyfriend of 2 years, I got over him in 1 month.

The best thing to do for yourself is to take your time. Do what you want. Take good care of you and be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself on the mistakes that you'd made in this relationship, learn from them and move on. But before you can move on, you must grieve this relationship. Otherwise, it'll haunt you like a ghost.

And another thing that has helped me was therapy. Sometimes, things surfaces while we're in a relationship or wonder why we're attracted to a certain type of people or relationship that won't go anywhere. Or a destructive or abusive, whatever it may be, therapy has helped me in the past.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 10:56 PM   #8
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pradasweets1983 HB User
Re: After a serious, long-term realtionship...

Okay. do you want maybe a scientific little explanation for how long it takes to get over a love.
If you have an intimate relationship involving intercourse, it would take you 2 years from the last time you were intimate to get over it.
A chemical is released ..well many are released during sex, but one inpeticular called Oxytocin..it is a chemical that bonds a man and woman together..that chemical connects those two people more and more over time, the chemical is even released through skin to skin contact...it's purpose is to bond a baby and its mother together as well..
3 and half years will do it to you,...sorry.
After a breakup where there was a sexual intimacy,that lack of oxytocin can leave a person feeling empty and in pain even physically.
Those two poeple were chemically attached, so when they break up and feel that empty attachment inside, they confuse that attachment with love and usually end up going back to one another, only to breakup again..and that cycle can seem neverending....they are only making it worse and drawing things out even more by continuing to have sex, therefore continuing to release that hormone, and then furthermore continuing to bond the two together...
I just wish people knew all this for their own happiness so they can get on in there lives and quite delaying the inevitable. The relationship most likely ended for a reason..they need to remember that. Goodluck.
---Charly

 
Old 01-19-2006, 01:51 PM   #9
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: After a serious, long-term realtionship...

Quote:
Originally Posted by pradasweets1983
Okay. do you want maybe a scientific little explanation for how long it takes to get over a love.
If you have an intimate relationship involving intercourse, it would take you 2 years from the last time you were intimate to get over it.
Wow, that's great news for me. If this is true, I'll finally be over my ex sometime this week or next!
Maybe next week I'll be posting here as Miss Hopeful Optimist . I'm now curious as to how I will feel after next week.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 02:19 PM   #10
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galinaqt HB User
Re: After a serious, long-term realtionship...

It depends on a personality. My cousin found another man right after her ex left, she already had him in mind and she was with her ex for 3 y. Before that she always had man backup.
Some people took it very hard and it takes a while.

 
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