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Old 01-17-2006, 11:50 PM   #1
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The truth. Another girl. I was right.

I feel like I am dying.
I just got the response. He confirmed my suspicion- like I said my gut has never been wrong yet. Except once- when I trusted this guy and 'knew' I would marry him.
He told me they aren't dating but he would be lying if there wasnt something between them.
Hes not worth this energy, I just cant help it.
It all makes sense now. Every single thing. It never made sense before and now it finally does.
How do I move past this?
I waited for him for a whole year while I moved here and started my new life. And stayed on the phone with him all the time, and spent ever other weekend with him. And missed him all the time, waiting for the moment he moved here. He got here, and 3 months later he wants someone else? After wanting to 'marry me' and saying Im 'The One' and telling me he wanted to 'grow old with me'? I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND how someone can do this.
Please help. I need to get through this. I can honestly say I hate him more than I ever imagined myself hating someone. I hate feeling this way. I feel so weak.
She can have him, I dont even want him anymore, I just cant deal with the lies, the rejection, the love I had for him and ALL the sacrifices I made for him and they got tossed in a month. I cant get over this.

Last edited by lady346; 01-18-2006 at 03:21 AM.

 
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Old 01-18-2006, 12:03 AM   #2
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

What you are feeling is very normal and yes, very painful. I am so sorry for you, that he turned out to be a jerk. Alot of men seem to be oblivious to women's feelings. "Something is greener on the other side" syndrome, is what I like to call it.
You are young and yes, you have made a mistake trusting this person, but you will heal and find someone else, though you may not think so right now. Time will heal your broken heart.
The best advise I can give you is to try and not dwell on the "What if's". It will only make your healing and getting on with your life, take longer.
I do wish you great success in finding Mr Right. Just take your time and enjoy your life along the way.

 
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Old 01-18-2006, 12:28 AM   #3
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

I dont know what I feel right now. Pain, anger, hurt, relief. I dont know.
Im scared that I was with this guy who I thought I would marry and he can change so fast like this, ditch all we had and then have this rebound or relationship or whatever with some girl in his program who lives downstairs.
How can I trust the next guy I love?
Help. I feel like Im back to Day 1. All over again. I dont know how to move past this. How can someone who talks of marrying you break up with you and then jump into something with the next girl he clicks with? Whether theyre dating or 'theres something', its all the same to me right now. She didnt go to undergrad with him, take baths with him or hold him when he cried. Who is convenient and fun but not deep and intense like we were? I have lost all hope in people if they can turn on you like this.
AFTER ALL I SACRIFICED FOR THIS GUY (listed in my past threads) and he has the NERVE to do this?! How self-involved, unappreciating, can you get?At least Ive seen his true colors.
Im glad I know the truth- now how do I get past this hurt? how do I get these mental images out of my head?

Last edited by lady346; 01-18-2006 at 03:24 AM.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 12:38 AM   #4
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

Also- If you all remember, the reasons he told me when he broke up with me were that he needed to be ALONE (yes, such crap), to 'find himself', and it was school and stress and he was mistreating me. I had a hard time then, but I believed him and tried to make sure he wasnt depressed and genuinely cared about his wellbeing.
Now hes with some girl in his program? This looks so bad. How heartless.
I hate him. How can I stop playing scenarios in my head now. I was doing it before, now I at least know the truth, but I feel like Ive just had the wind knocked out of me.
Im alone in my room at 3 am and everyone is asleep and I feel ill, like I could puke.

Last edited by lady346; 01-18-2006 at 02:09 AM.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 01:07 AM   #5
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

Haha, Im posting to no one, its so early in the am. I cant sleep tonight. I feel sick.
I know I cant dwell on the what-ifs, but now I have 50,000 questions. All over again.
What did he tell her about me? Why did he find her better than me? What have they done- just kiss, or more? How did it start? After all we had that he threw away? He wanted to marry me. I was his first love. What if he gets with her and stays with her and this isn't a rebound? And I run into them downtown? Im out of control. I need to stop this.
I hate wishing bad things on people but I hope karma comes back to him. I believe in that. He cannot get away with this and be happy the rest of his life while he made me miserable and betrayed me this badly.
I could go on and on and on...I dont want to do this to myself, to torture myself. I was doing so well. I believed his reasoning for breaking up with me. Over time, it just didnt add up, and I couldnt shake that perpetual gut feeling of another girl. Turns out- this is most likely the real reason behind it, even if is just a 'recent thing' as he said. Im glad I know the truth now but I feel like I have to start all over with it all. The healing.
He even had the NERVE to tell me I was hurting his feelings and said some harsh things back to me aout how hes tired of the ack and forth and what am I trying to prove? How self-absorbed can this ba*tard be? Can he not see that he ripped out my heart and stomped on it and then puts 30 pictures up of him and his new interest, who ive MET? Who was his FRIEND? Hes not the person I loved. Hes a complete stranger. This hurts so much. I feel thrown out and replaced by someone I put my entire heart and soul into and just asked to be loved back.

Last edited by lady346; 01-18-2006 at 03:26 AM.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 01:10 AM   #6
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

Ouch. I know this hurts. I was in a relationship for years with the guy I was sure was "the one". Just like you we talked about marriage and all that. He started acting weird in the last 6 months and eventually told me he couldn't be in a relationship because he had a lot of emotional problems. I dealt with that ok, was sad but willing to be there and talk to him and wait. Until I realized that while he couldn't be in a relationship, he could date girls from his school (he'd recently gone back). I was devastated and hurt and frankly, it still makes me angry on principle. But I did find "the one" again and am pretty grateful I didn't end up married to the first one. He's not the same guy I feel in love with at all.

It's really awful that he's been so careless with your feelings. I'm sure you were very important to him, but a lot of changes happen at your age that are hard for couples to live through. Sadly, it's not that many years later when you realize people aren't easily replaced.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 01:21 AM   #7
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

At least your guy acted wierd in a span of 6 months. Not that that makes it any better, its horrible either way- but mine all of a sudden didnt have the time to be with me (although now I see he didnt WANT to devote any of his time, it was too 'inconvenient'), was being really wierd and treating me badly and it was only within ONE month or so that he wanted to be without me. Thats the hardest part. I was blindsighted. Five days before hes telling me he loves me. And all this time Im FASTING for HIS religious holiday for support, and I got sick in there for a few days and he wouldnt even come up and see me. It makes me ill.
I thought Ive been burned before, but wow. Never would have thought someone I THOUGHT I knew so well could just turn. Its shocking.
He even told me once when we talked about my high-school ex about how hurtful and bad it looks to jump into a relationship with someone right after you break up with your former love. Well, here he is doing the EXACT SAME THING he was shaming just a year or so ago. It blows my mind. I wonder if he will regret this someday. I was so good to him.

Last edited by lady346; 01-18-2006 at 02:11 AM.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 01:39 AM   #8
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

I have so much going for me. I have a lot of self-confidence (even STILL despite this) and I think that I am a truly amazing, selfless person and he even acknowledged that. I surprised myself with how well I treated this guy and how willing I was to be selfless for him and us. How can someone in their right mind give me up for some girl who, might be more 'convenient' than me, yes, but isn't all the things I offered up to him. Especially after he said he didnt want anyone and just wanted to be alone. I cant help but compare me and her now and I just feel like Im so much better than her, haha.

At the same time I dont want him talking to her about me. I dont want him telling her why I wasnt what he wanted anymore, I dont want him telling her about all of the weak moments Ive had today and the things Ive said. All of this stuff is too painfult to bear.

Last edited by lady346; 01-18-2006 at 02:25 AM.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 02:40 AM   #9
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

Quote:
Originally Posted by citygirl23
Haha, Im posting to no one, its so early in the am. I cant sleep tonight. I feel sick.
I know I cant dwell on the what-ifs, but now I have 50,000 questions. All over again.
What did he tell her about me? Why did he find her better than me? What have they done- just kiss, or more? How did it start? After all we had that he threw away? He wanted to marry me. I was his first love. What if he gets with her and stays with her and this isn't a rebound? And I run into them downtown? Im out of control. I need to stop this.
I hate wishing bad things on people but I hope karma comes back to him. I believe in that. He cannot get away with this and be happy the rest of his life while he made me miserable and betrayed me this badly.
I could go on and on and on...I dont want to do this to myself, to torture myself. I was doing so well. I believed his reasoning for breaking up with me. Turns out- this is the true one, even if is just a 'recent thing' as he said. Im glad I know the truth now but I feel like I have to start all over with it all.
He even had the NERVE to tell me I was hurting his feelings and said some harsh things back to me. How self-absorbed can this ba*tard be? Hes not the person I loved. Hes a complete stranger. This hurts so much. I feel thrown out and replaced by someone I put my entire heart and soul into and just asked to be loved back.

i definitely know what u fee citygirl.Ive been reading your post and i had those experiences.Kinda similar from what ive been through before.
Its so much pain and hurt and its really difficult to trust someone again if u experience this kind of betrayal.
Some men are so unfair. Sometimes u feel that they just use you and they woud mislead you. I was like that before in my relationship with this guy I really gave my life with.Its really like blood,sweat and tears and I made a lot of sacrifices too. We were so inlove with each other,we were always together,we are so good in bed Great SEX.I was his first love and he was really attracted at me because of my physical looks and great personality as what he would say and people around us.Of course I know what I am and hes not bad either.
But one time, I was so shocked to found out that he was cheating on me while he was so in love with me and we were like talknig about marriage,future etc...
To make the story short, I forgive him and we were back together.But I was always havin doubts like what if he still has communication with her or what i f he would do it again and other stuff. He went back to his own country coz he cant stay here if his visa expired already,then we had a long distance relationship.He would come here to visit me for two weeks and sometimes one month but in the end our relationship didnt work out.He said he cant anymore,he said hes not yet ready for marriage and kids etc. and he wants to be a police or to fulfill his dreams and that its so expensive for him to see me because hes in North America while Im here in Asia.
We still have regular communication,exchange gifts with each other during special occasions,email each other regularly,sending songs with each other for our ipods. We still care about each other.
Anyway, I know what you are feeling like you would imagined them in your mind,like what are they doing together and its really painful.I know that and ive been throught it a lot. I even asked him what happened to them,why did he do that,how was it like with her..everything ! I was curious and i cant help it.

My advice to you is to give a lot of times with your friends,hang with them a lot,study hard,watch movies or rent a dvd but dont watch love stories for a while ( u might end up calling him and crying,missing him),be open for dates i guess...

I know i have a lot of problems and Im just sharing it to u so that u would feel that u are not alone and that ive been through this myself. Ive cried a thousand times even now when i would talk to him because i really miss him terribly desperately. God knows !
We all have problems and i think you have a lot of things coming your way.You are young, educated,smart and attractive ( i guess ).You would still find somebody out there so start looking beautiful.Cut your hair or dye for a new look,go to a sauna or spa,apply manicure,go to karaoke with your friends,apply make - up,wear sexy clothes like tight fitting sleeveless, fit long boot jeans,wear shoes with heels,put a nice perfume and enjoy !


P.s. start on a diet or something if u need them.Dont eat much.just eat vege,fruits,no fries,fish,avoid oil and rice.

Last edited by midblue_alone; 01-18-2006 at 02:44 AM.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 02:52 AM   #10
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

haha thanks for your reply, Im a little calmer now though I know I wont sleep tonight.
I have to say, I AM very attractive and all of those things you mentioned even though I know you have no clue who I am! My ex used to always tell me how hot I was (and WE were) and how perfect my body was. And all these other amazing compliments (my intelligence, I made him think, we were perfect together, great communication, I would be a wonderful wife and mother, etc etc). Guess he changed his mind. I personally think hes a huge idiot for whatever reason he moved on to some girl in his program, but whatever...it obviously shows HIS lack of character, not mine. Ive had revelations about him and its not about me wanting him so much as it is just the rejection, hurt, shock and betrayal, and wondering how someone can do this who you thought you knew. Who was your other half. Who even said in the past that doing this EXACT thing he is now doing was sh*tty, hurtful, and looked very bad.
I am sure I will find someone else that is actually worthy of my ability to give so much, communicate, compromise and love and so on. I just dont know how I can trust again. I feel like he robbed that from me and Im very deeply angry for that.
The thing to add is that Ive been broken up with him for almost 2 months, its just that in the beginning he was really confusing, wierd and left it open-ended which is really messed up now, looking back. It messed with my head a lot. I was shocked beyond all hell, couldnt take it, he basically ignored all of my attempts to contact him while I took cold medicine so I could sleep at night and lost a fast 5-10 pounds... that was the first 2 weeks. Then I started doing great, then I contacted him again when his 'time limit' of not discussing anything expired (when his finals were over) and he was nicer and more responsive to me but his words just killed me over and over again. I cut off contact.
Now theres this new piece of info. I had to know the type of person I really spent the year and 8 months of my life with. And this guy NOW is not who I fell in love with, and I dont think he has been since Oct. when he just CHANGED for the worst. It was very creepy how someone can just change before your eyes like that and all of a sudden you're like, 'who is this person?'

Anyway Ive always had the suspicions with them- him and this new girl. Even when I was with him. He was being too wierd. I never brought it up becaues I didnt want to look paranoid, jealous, psycho...plus I was unhappy about too many other things, i.e., his complete and sudden lack of interest in me. He was just always with her and the other 'clique'. Once, he gave me his phone to call for delivery from his room and I just happened to glance at the send screen when I went to redial, and I saw that he had called me 9 times, and right underneath me it said HER name- 7 times. Just a glance as I was going to dial, didnt plan to see it. My mind caught it though. I just thought that was very odd at the time. Like there was some interest there, more than just studying. Yet, he told me no several times when I asked. He even said when I asked him if he was going to date other girls, "I'm just going to think of you", as he cried heavily. Yeah, I can see thats really what hes thinking of!

Then the thing with the pictures pretty much confirmed it, and then I asked him and now I know. After 2 months though- (a month or so of really knowing he wasnt coming back, when he told me he didnt love me anymore. nice. and that he didnt put much thought into breaking up with me. nice, too.)- I dont want to be back at the beginning, even though Im glad I know. I want to get past this betrayal. I dont want these mental images of them doing god knows what and him telling her deep emotional things. In the bed that I helped him put his sheets on when I moved him in. In the bed that I spent nights in with him doing fun stuff. Or even worse, I hate thinking of him talking to her about me. I would have given him my right arm and this is what I get in return.

I have my first appt with a psychologist Thurs., so we will see...until then I use this as my journal, thanks for the considerate posts, it really does help.

Last edited by lady346; 01-18-2006 at 03:13 AM.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 03:15 AM   #11
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

aww hun. this is awful. he is a loser. seriously. at least you hate him. but do you still want him back?
you need to realize what no one will love him like you did- and thats his loss.
i know how hard it is. i really do. i really wish i could give you a big hug. i know what the feeling is like.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 03:19 AM   #12
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

Nope. Dont want him back. Hes a totally different person now, one that is selfish and immature and that does make it easier. Watching him change that last month was really quite frightening, I cried about it a lot. And the change wasnt for the better. I was incredible to him- it is his loss.
I just have so much resentment over all that I gave and sacrificed only to get ditched in a month and thats what I cant get through- along with all the mental images now.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 03:21 AM   #13
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

i wish i could hate my ex. i simply cant. the last month wasnt perfect but that was because of the situation. im still madly in love with him. nothing will change that. my loss. makes it worse. i wont ever hate him.

when did you start hating him?

the resentment will go, eventually. i think youll look back and laugh in a while. just hang in there.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 03:30 AM   #14
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

Oh, haha I dont think I will EVER laugh at this. I think the principle and irony of this whole thing will never be humorous. I think it will always be a deep wound, Im just looking forward to the day where I dont care anymore.
When did I start hating him? Fully? Tonight when I got his email. On some level? When he broke up with me. Increasingly? Over time, especially the last week or two when I got into the city again.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 03:33 AM   #15
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Re: The truth. Another girl. I was right.

aww hun. i dont know what to say. i know how hard it is. just hang in there like me.

maybe you can help me?
shall i go out 2night and possibly see my ex? show him im with new people and dont need him?
and shall i send him a messgae, clearing up things?
im sureyouve been through thesestages and wonder what your opinion is?

 
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