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Old 01-18-2006, 08:48 AM   #1
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Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

i guess my relationship with my husband will be over. I confronted him today after not talking for about 3 days. I told him it looks like we are not happy anymore with our marriage.The last time we had sex was last year of February 2005,just once an short.I didnt even enjoy it. I told him you dont even invite me for sex,you are not sweety sweety to me.And i am always the one to ask u to kiss me or to hug me.

Our relationship is weird.I am only 29 and hes 43.I still want to be happy and i dont like to be this way until the day i die.Its like a waste of time.
Im thinkin now if i can make it if we'll be separated.Can i live on my own ? I am a foreigner in his country.
I am so depress and I need some advice.Please help.

Last edited by midblue_alone; 01-18-2006 at 08:49 AM.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 11:12 AM   #2
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

its 4:10 in the morning and i am still here in my computer. i dont know if its right to sleep beside him in bed. I want to go to sleep now and its so cold here.
I really want to be free but i dont know if i will have the guts to make it on my own.
any advice out there ?

 
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Old 01-18-2006, 11:14 AM   #3
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

If you put your mind to it you can survive and do well just about any where! It definitely doesn't sound like you have a very connected marriage, what made you two get married in the first place? It's only 3 years in! I'm very sorry to hear you're feeling this way, normally I'd suggest trying to go to marriage counciling, but... I don't know. You sound done, you guys are intimate... how long has it been since you've felt even a surge of love for him?

From what info we have I'd say it sounds like this one might've been a mistake... they happen, but maybe you'd be better off leaving while you're still young enough to start a family and life with someone you enjoy being with?

 
Old 01-19-2006, 12:20 AM   #4
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

i still need advice or input about my situation.i would appreciate it a lot.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 01:30 AM   #5
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

I agree with Destea...do you feel any love for this man at all? Why did you decide to marry him? Do you think there is any hope for this relationship to continue and change so that you could be happy with him? If not, I think that you definitely need to leave and try to make it on your own. Being trapped in a loveless marriage is no way to spend the rest of your life...if you don't foresee that there is any way to fix this relationship, my advice would be to start making plans to leave. I don't know exactly where you live, but in most countries, you should be entitled to some financial support, at least temporarily. I think I remember you asking about going back to school, which I believe would be a very smart and excellent idea for you no matter what you decide about your marriage, and going to school away from your husband as you once suggested would give you time and space to decide how to handle the marriage and your future in general. I wish you the best of luck and hope you'll keep us posted!

 
Old 01-19-2006, 07:09 AM   #6
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Question Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

Quote:
Originally Posted by midblue_alone
I really want to be free but i dont know if i will have the guts to make it on my own.
any advice out there ?
Can you explain what you mean by having the guts to make it on your own? What exactly is it that you fear?

 
Old 01-19-2006, 08:03 AM   #7
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

You have a very good English, I would think you can survive. I am also a foreigner and marry man who is 11 y older than me but it is fine with me "touch wood".
My cousin is 42 and she doesn't have nearly as good English as yours and she decided that she doesn't want a family, she is surviving. Of course, she is working in the store, you may want something better.
If you don't want to be with this man you should get out of this marriage 'cause than older you than harder for you to find somebody and less chance to have kids.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 10:07 AM   #8
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

today my hubby came to me and talked to me.He was saying sorry for all his faults.He asked me to make our marriage work again and that we would have sex from now on.
We had sex after 11 months and i want to be frank to all of u that i didnt enjoy it that much.It was kinda painful inside because im not that wet and it was like ages of not havin sex.
I admit to all of u that i somehow lost my attraction to my husband because i did had an affair while being married to him.But now that the affair is over and soon ill be turning 30, i want my life to have a direction already. I want to have a peaceful life and do u think i should just try to be happy here in my marriage? My husband is very responsible,hardworking. He would help me with my financial problems.He also cares about my family back home like if they have financial problems etc... The only thing that he lacks is being intimate or hes not that sweety sweety kinda person. Hes not showy with his feelings. I know that he cares for me a lot.He kept saying i love u to me after we finished havin sex. He said i dont have to worry about financial problems coz he would help me etc...
He even invited my sister here in this country coz shes poor back home and she has no decent job. But now shes earning a lot coz shes working here. Although her visa is only for 6 months but at least she would keep quite an amount of money when she goes back home. Next in line would be my brother. What i mean by this is that he helps me a lot and not only me but also my family.

Now we had sex after 11 months. Do you think i should save this marriage ? He told me today that from now on we would have sex and he wants to have a kid too. Do you think i should give it a try to make things work again ? I didnt enjoy sex but maybe its bcoz we are married for 5 yrs. already and i guess married couples are just like that. Sometimes they just lose interest or theres no excitiement about it anymore. Especially for me, I had an affair with other man and i lose interest on him..i guess.
Diffrent guy,different thrill,spark and excitement.

SO my question now is do i have to hold on to this marriage,hold on to my husband and save our marriage together ? eventhough i am not enjoying sex with him anymore but i also want to have a baby. Ill be turning 30 and eveybodys been yacking me why up to now i still dont have a baby of my own ???
Please advice me about this,about marriage.thanks.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 11:20 AM   #9
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

How important intimate part for you? The way I was grown it is not very important for me. May be you both can see sex councelor, make sure he is good one, your obgyn can recommend you one. I think you have a lot of reasons to hold on this man. May be he needs some help in intimate area.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 11:38 AM   #10
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

theres no such things as marriage counsellor or sex therapist here.I havent heard anything like that.This is not the U.S or Canada or Australia or United Kingdom. Id tell u this is somewhere Asia and it starts with J.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 11:42 AM   #11
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

Quote:
Originally Posted by galinaqt
How important intimate part for you? The way I was grown it is not very important for me. May be you both can see sex councelor, make sure he is good one, your obgyn can recommend you one. I think you have a lot of reasons to hold on this man. May be he needs some help in intimate area.

with my love affairs before or my ex -bfs before.I can have sex like almost everyday and 3- 4 times a day. Im only 29 and I was really active plus me and my ex-bf ( while being married w/my hub) were really great in bed,we were so compatible.
Yeah i could say that me and my husband are not compatible in bed.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 11:49 AM   #12
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

As I say you can try sex councelor, make sure go only by recommedation and pay full price if insurance doesn't cover, see if he can help.
For me "bed" problem is not the reason to leave a man who are doing so much for you.
I know a woman who found a man on the side 'cause her husband didn't satisfy her in bed, but with everything else. It is not a perfect solution.
I can asure you not every man would do so much for you and your family and you won't find somebody perfect especially if you are close to 30+ range.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 12:02 PM   #13
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

thanks for the reply...most of my friends told me how lucky i am with my husband.He cares for my family,cares and entertains my friends when they would come here or when they would meet them.They said he is kind and nice. He owns a small company and he works a lot. I am his third wife and he has three kids with his ex-wives.

I know what u mean by " its not a good reason to leave your husband if its only about the lack of intimacy".my mom's the same .she doesnt care much about sex.She said its better to sleep than to have sex.My father used to stress her with sex when they were together.My father likes to have sex a lot,she told me.And she was exhausted to do it because she was working a lot.
i guess i am the opposite of my mom.Like father like daughter

 
Old 01-19-2006, 12:11 PM   #14
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

DON"T HAVE A BABY! In yoru current state of mind that could be the worst thing you could do. Children should be born out of happiness and not produced as a thing you think will make you happy. Take steps such as a marriage councelor to try and get you and your husband on track to resolve yoru problems. Then, after you are sure that your marriage is healing, think of having children.

 
Old 01-19-2006, 12:19 PM   #15
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Re: Can i make it on my own ? Marriage is weird.

You can work to improve sex if you are both willing and motivated to make each other happy. I would suggest buying the book "The Multi-Orgasmic Couple" and following its techniques carefully...I don't think a couple could possibly be less than satisfied if they successfully implemented that program, and I've never had trouble having multiple orgasms with each and every partner. But men can have multiple orgasms too and learn a great deal of ways to enhance both of your pleasure with just a little reading and practice...I really can't recommend the book strongly enough. You don't have to settle for sex the way it is now--speak up about what you want, communicate, and don't hesitate to experiment in order to enhance your pleasure. What do you have to lose? You're married, so there's no reason to be ashamed of talking about sex and doing anything and everything in your power to make your sex life very fulfilling for both of you . Good luck! And also, I hope you'll consider going back to school so you have more options regardless of how you proceed within your marriage...

 
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