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Old 01-18-2006, 09:45 AM   #1
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Unhappy UPDATE of the obsessed caller

Ok, I thought I would start a new thread the other one is getting a little large. Anyway.

Here is the update. She called him up asked him to leave me, told him that she has been in love with him since they were younger and in high school. She told him she wanted him, loved him, etc. etc. etc.

He was like what? She asked why he never looked for her and he was like I liked you, but you stopped talking to me and I do what I have always done, I move on and never dwell on the past. So I guess he dated her best friend in high school. So she sat there and it was a blamefest on why they are not together today.

She has a bf and was like oh why can't you just come and be with me, why can't we pick up where we left off. His reasoning was that it has been 8 years, and she has 2 kids. I do not think I was mentioned as the reason. I just feel like if she had no kids.. he might say yes and I would be left on the back burner. Why oh why am I feeling like this? He did tell me that if they had gone out he would have probably stayed with her and I told him well I am glad that never happened, because I would not be with you here and now. My, I would never say something like the thing he said to me. If I love someone I am not going to go around telling him how I would be with someone else if only they said they liked me, and I know I actually would not have.

Ugh... thoughts?

 
Old 01-18-2006, 10:19 AM   #2
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

Quote:
Originally Posted by angel_light
Ok, I thought I would start a new thread the other one is getting a little large. Anyway.

Here is the update. She called him up asked him to leave me, told him that she has been in love with him since they were younger and in high school. She told him she wanted him, loved him, etc. etc. etc.

He was like what? She asked why he never looked for her and he was like I liked you, but you stopped talking to me and I do what I have always done, I move on and never dwell on the past. So I guess he dated her best friend in high school. So she sat there and it was a blamefest on why they are not together today.

She has a bf and was like oh why can't you just come and be with me, why can't we pick up where we left off. His reasoning was that it has been 8 years, and she has 2 kids. I do not think I was mentioned as the reason. I just feel like if she had no kids.. he might say yes and I would be left on the back burner. Why oh why am I feeling like this? He did tell me that if they had gone out he would have probably stayed with her and I told him well I am glad that never happened, because I would not be with you here and now. My, I would never say something like the thing he said to me. If I love someone I am not going to go around telling him how I would be with someone else if only they said they liked me, and I know I actually would not have.

Ugh... thoughts?
Ugh is right. Oh boy. I'm torn as to what to tell you. I see Peter Frampton on Entertainment Tonight saying his wife is the most beautiful woman in the whole world, inside and out, and of course she isn't, in fact conventionally she is rather plain. All my life I heard Paul McCartney carry on about what a beautiful woman his wife Linda was, and most people thought she was rather plain as well, Dr. Phil carries on about how a man should strive to make his wife feel like she's got "the best deal in the room" by being with him, so on the one hand, I feel that "You're the only woman in the world for me, you're the most beautiful woman in the world, I'm so glad I met you, I'm glad all my previous relationships ended because they all led me to you" blah blah blah all that stuff is possible, but onthe other hand, how realistic is it? I think most married people don't have this. I think probably 80-90% of married people are like "well, you were at the right place at the right time, I was ready for marriage, and didn't want to look anymore, so..." I suppose you can be glad that he said no, and feel secure that if he really wanted to be with her and not you, then he would have gone by now. It does send up a red flag, though. My ex told me that if the girl before me hadn't cheated on him and dumped him, then he would have married her, but it was in the past, and he moved on and was with me now, blah blah, but that didn't last. I think you're going to have to go on your own instinct on this one. I mean, since we can't be there to read facial expressions or voice tone or whatever, I think it would be irresponsible for any of us to say "stick it out" or "dump him." The bottom line is, does this relationship match your idea of what a good, solid, healthy relationship should be, with or without the intrusive woman from the past?

 
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Old 01-18-2006, 10:52 AM   #3
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

If he did not have so many females in his life I would be fine. I am insecure, I do not know why. It is not like I am ugly, I have had guys still try asking me out! But the thing is I love him to death, I could never see myself with any other person... ever. If we broke up, I would stay single. I just cannot imagine my life without him.

Well see we both had other possibilities at the time when we met. We thought what the heck, I like talking to you, you are an awesome person, we get along even though we are so different and we are both open minded. We have had problems in the past. I know people have all kinds of emotions, but I am able to just cut people out if they are out of my life. I have not honestly thought of any other guys. I could care less if any one but the one thinks I am pretty or thinks highly of me. You know? I think I am too much of a people pleaser, a him pleaser. Anything he could ask me and I would do it for him. I would lay down my life for this guy, but I feel like I do not mean as much to him as he means to me.

We are only engaged, but this girl only knows of me as his girlfriend. Not fiance. I do not know if he tells these women I am his gf and not fiance to keep the possibilities open or what. You know? It bothers me. We have had many problems in the past where one of his chica friends came into the picture caused us fights tried molesting him while I was out and then left and still they pop into our lives every now and then just to bother me.

I know he loves me, he tells me all the time, and he takes care of me, I know that all his money goes to me. Last night he actually sat down and helped me with my homework. That was crazy and out of nowhere. You know? I just still doubt in my mind. He tells me when I get like this, if I wanted to be with someone else I am not going to hide it from you, I will tell you straight out. I think he has probably thought about it, but I do think that he feels bad about it or thinks that it might be fun for awhile, but all of these women have so much drama, and have so much bagage that he could not take it.

He hates drama and our relationship rarely has any. We have been together longer than any of his former gf's. I think we have done a whole lot more. 2 cars, brand new house, he is done with college, I am finishing. We never go hungry and get to take our little day vacations all the time. I think he knows that he would not be here if I was not with him, and visa versa, and to dump on me after I worked with him to get all of this. Well I would rather he tell me then to hide it....

life.. ugh.. such a rollercoaster

 
Old 01-18-2006, 05:08 PM   #4
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

Well, I guess the good part is that he told her he's not interested in a relationship with her. But what a sneaky, slithering snake she is! How dare she try to steal him away from you, his fiance?? I would never go after a married or engaged man. She has two children--I don't think he would want that responsibility anyway, even if he were single. Just consider this case closed. However, now that she definitely showed her true motives, I would not want my fiance to speak to this woman, PERIOD. It's only fair, I think.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 01:14 PM   #5
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

I know, she is such a snake. She keeps emailing him. I snooped. He emailed her back yesterday telling her that he could not talk to her any longer. Because she is pressuring him, and trying to get him to do things, just to make herself happy. He said why do you expect me to do all these things for you when one, I have not seen you in 8 years, and 2 you cannot even meet me. I guess she asked him to rekindle, rehash what they never had or what they could have had, and he responded well you won't even let me see you first and you expect me to drop everything I am doing to come and see you, and you expect me to just get up and leave to go to you, when we have grown so different. You have 2 kids and you and I have gone seperate ways in our lives. This sucks it has to be this way, because I have lost a good friend. He also told her to stop thinking about him and start thinking about her bf/husband father of her two kids.

She keep emailing him. He emailed her back once and she has emailed him twice since then. I just saw that she emailed him again today. He has not read it yet. and I have not read it, I will wait and see if he reads it.. and if he responds or not.

She did call about 2 days back and my voice is on our answering machine, and she did mention that she heard his ladies voice, but still she went on about how she cannot lose him.. blah blah blah...

I trust him, and I hate snooping. I do not think I will anymore, I just feel too bad, you know. I know he already told her he could not talk to her anymore, and I know he probably still has feelings for her, and I think that is the only thing that scares me. I dunno why. Like I know he is mine and he loves me, but in the back of my mind I think what if he keeps thinking and wishing he had dated her.. etc... ? What do you think of the emails?

 
Old 01-20-2006, 01:32 PM   #6
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

Quote:
She called him up asked him to leave me, told him that she has been in love with him since they were younger and in high school. She told him she wanted him, loved him, etc. etc. etc.
Wow, who didn't see THAT coming?

Quote:
He was like what?
Huh, was your fiance actually shocked by her admission? Has he not been following along here? Is there a carbon dioxide leak in your house?

Quote:
He did tell me that if they had gone out he would have probably stayed with her and I told him well I am glad that never happened, because I would not be with you here and now.
Well...that is crappy. I think your fiance has a shot at the Guinness Book in the category of Complete Lack of Tact And Common Sense. I am trying to picture myself telling my fiance that had I dated the crush from my past, I would probably be with that guy now and not him. Even by my standards that is just...cruel. It is a good thing that he is telling her to leave him alone. But he has to put his foot down all the way. He should be deleting her e-mails before even reading them. If she calls, he should immediately hang up. He should not be encouraging her in the least. Especially now that he knows just how she feels, although that was a big DUH days ago.

I'm really sorry Angel, this is not a pretty situation. I would be tearing my hair out, too. I'd probably feel very angry at my fiance that he was still bothering to read her e-mails or interact with her in any way shape or form. I would suggest to him that he change his e-mail address.

Angel, don't say that if you could not have your fiance, you would not want anyone else. Why create such a finality? You don't know that. Don't feel like your fiance is going to be the only man for you if it doesn't work out. I'm sorry you feel so insecure. I think the most important thing is for you to work on that...and start absolutely demanding the respect you deserve. Keep us updated...

Last edited by GypsyArcher; 01-20-2006 at 01:35 PM.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 01:49 PM   #7
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

Quote:
Originally Posted by angel_light
He said why do you expect me to do all these things for you when one, I have not seen you in 8 years, and 2 you cannot even meet me.
Quote:
I guess she asked him to rekindle, rehash what they never had or what they could have had, and he responded well you won't even let me see you first and you expect me to drop everything I am doing to come and see you, and you expect me to just get up and leave to go to you, when we have grown so different
I guess I'm slightly confused by these two statements he made. They just jumped out at me when reading your post Angel. Does that mean he was asking her if he could see her first (whatever that means) and she refused? What does it mean "you won't even let me see you first"? In my interpretation, it might mean that he wanted to see her first before giving her a definite answer if he could be with her or not. I might be wrong. Did anyone notice this too?

GypsyArcher---LOL on the carbon dioxide leak

 
Old 01-20-2006, 01:54 PM   #8
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

Yeah Sophia, that certainly stood out to me too, but I thought maybe I was misunderstanding it. It does almost sound like he is saying he wants to be able to meet with her first to see if things could work out. (And maybe see if she is (still) attractive? I know that is a weird thought). But I hope that's not it. Angel, if he ever were to go and meet her, well then...that would definetly be the end of your relationship, I would presume.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:05 PM   #9
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsyArcher
Yeah Sophia, that certainly stood out to me too, but I thought maybe I was misunderstanding it. It does almost sound like he is saying he wants to be able to meet with her first to see if things could work out. (And maybe see if she is (still) attractive? I know that is a weird thought). But I hope that's not it.
I also hope this is not the case, Angel. Hopefully we were reading a little too much into it. Just try to relax (I know, easier said..) and see how he acts in the next few weeks.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:07 PM   #10
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

don't want to leave the email online.. lol

Last edited by angel_light; 01-20-2006 at 03:35 PM.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:09 PM   #11
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

Another thing is he is being extremely loving towards me, I fell asleep early last night and he woke me up to get me to come and help him look in a magazine for things in our home.

He has been very loving, but still I should not have read that. . you know? Cause now.. I am sad..

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:12 PM   #12
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

Quote:
Originally Posted by angel_light
Ok here is the exact email.. tell me what you think..


Yea i dont know if i can talk to u. Im not sure. Besides, I think you should concentrate on ur boyfriend/husband. There's no point in talking to me when, and if anything all it will get you is trouble. I cant allow myself to talk to someone who makes unfair decisions that affect me simply because it makes them happy. i dont think its right that after 8 years you talk to me without even the chance of perhaps me even seeing you. If thats the case then i'd rather not relive/rehash/rekindle anything. Its obvious we both have moved on with our lives. I dont like the way i felt the other day. Its sad you wouldnt even consider meeting some time. Everything was an excuse. I guess ill just cut my losses. althought this was a huge loss. Anyhow, i am going to be cancelling this account soon. enjoy life in xxxxxx..

That is what is bothering me too..
Hmm, I don't know...perhaps he suggested that they meet only as friends and she refused?? It's hard to tell because obviously this email relates to some conversation they probably had on the phone. But either way, I don't understand why she would made excuses not to see him and then she wants him to go there and see her?? It's just really confusing. Does she live very far away? He should definitely not communicate with her anymore, especially after she made her intentions known.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 02:29 PM   #13
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

Well about a 1100 miles.. I know that is far, but I also saw how he was curious and looked it up on a map directions type thingy..

Yea he might have just said lets meet as friends, as they were long ago. Well see her excuses he told me only a few days ago was she could not come here because she cannot leave her kids and her bf/husband would notice. She asked him to come there but she said she could only see him for a few hours each day, otherwise her honey would get suspicious. Also she said NOT to bring me and when I got upset at that, he said no I do not need to take you everywhere with me, this is a friend, if I wanted to go visit her. I can and without you too.

It is def. wrong on her part, because see I know he is talking to her, he told me, her SO has no clue in the world.

Last edited by angel_light; 01-20-2006 at 02:32 PM.

 
Old 01-20-2006, 04:01 PM   #14
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

Oh boy, so there's also a significant other? I was under the impression this woman was divorced. She spells nothing but trouble and I don't blame you for being upset and not wanting your fiance to have anything to do with her. I would feel the same way. I can't believe your fiance said he can go visit her all by himself if he so pleases. That's not the right attitude considering he is an engaged man!

 
Old 01-20-2006, 04:34 PM   #15
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Re: UPDATE of the obsessed caller

Man, this woman brings all kinds of drama. The Real World should seek her out as a future cast member.

That e-mail doesn't sit well with me. First he says he is not sure if he can still talk to her or not, when it should be obvious that he should not be. Then he says he doesn't want to bother rekindling anything since she doesn't want to see him. Then he concludes with saying it will be a huge loss. How is that again? This woman is a nut who was attempting to cheat on her boyfriend. I don't know how he figures it is a loss.

Quote:
She asked him to come there but she said she could only see him for a few hours each day, otherwise her honey would get suspicious. Also she said NOT to bring me and when I got upset at that, he said no I do not need to take you everywhere with me, this is a friend, if I wanted to go visit her. I can and without you too.
Whoa, whoa, whoa I almost missed this part. What in the...? She is NOT just a friend,and he knows this! He knows full well that this woman wants to start something with him! What is WRONG with this guy? Angel...this does not look pretty. If he were to go and see her, he should want to bring his fiance just to show this woman exactly how taken he is. And what exactly would they do for a "few hours each day"? What the? If she has to sneak around her fiance, then they couldn't be planning to do anything innocent. How hurtful can you possibly get?

This isn't looking very good at all. Geez. Let us know how things are progressing.

 
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