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Old 01-18-2006, 07:49 PM   #1
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Emilysmommie05 HB User
Okay guys one more thing (yikes!!!!)

So, when i went out on Friday with my friend there is this guy whom i have known since well forever, and i love him dearly and love his company and he has liked me FOREVER!! and he is so sweet and sooooo mcuh fun and like i said i just love being with him and his feelings are obviously mutual. But you know i realized that i do have feelings for him, and i think i have for a long time because i even thought about him when i was with my manipulative ex ( as you all know so much about!) Now i wish i could start seeing him more, and i think realizing this has helped move on from my ex, but i do not want to hurt my ex by seeing another guy after only 2 months and since he keeps saying he wants to work things out even though i really think i do not want that. I really do like this guy and i am afraid that if i don't tell him now he will get a girlfriend and it will be to late, and then i am afraid i will tell him and then i will hurt him because my ex is still trying so damn hard that he will not want that kind of pressure in his life. Since i will come with some baggage and a child. But he (the other guy) told me on Friday that he loves me and that we shoulr promise each other that if we are not married to anyone by the time we are 30 then we should get married because we are meant to be. So, should i tell this guy about my feelings for him so he knows i DO feel the same way but that i need to work all this crap our before we can really be together that it would take some time, or should i wait it out and tell him after i get all this BS straightened out? Help, i don't want to lose my chance bit i also do not want to hurt anyone!

 
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Old 01-18-2006, 08:02 PM   #2
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LostMyHeart HB User
Re: Okay guys one more thing (yikes!!!!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilysmommie05
should i wait it out and tell him after i get all this BS straightened out?
Yes, I'd strongly suggest, for your own sake more than anyone else, to wait until you get everything else straightened out.
Have you ever that "don't open another door until you've closed the first" saying?
Your emotions are all over the place right now. (And, yes, it's understandable). But getting involved in another situation before you get your emotions straightened out is pretty much dooming it from the beginning.
Are you sure you really have feelings for this guy, or is it a way to "cover up" the problems you are dealing with over your ex? I really think you should work through all those things first, so you can find the true answer. Because if it is a cover up - eventually it's going to stop working and you will be left with the same problems because you've never dealt with them.
And if you do really care about this other guy, it's not fair to him.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 08:08 PM   #3
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Emilysmommie05 HB User
Re: Okay guys one more thing (yikes!!!!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by LostMyHeart
Yes, I'd strongly suggest, for your own sake more than anyone else, to wait until you get everything else straightened out.
Have you ever that "don't open another door until you've closed the first" saying?
Your emotions are all over the place right now. (And, yes, it's understandable). But getting involved in another situation before you get your emotions straightened out is pretty much dooming it from the beginning.
Are you sure you really have feelings for this guy, or is it a way to "cover up" the problems you are dealing with over your ex? I really think you should work through all those things first, so you can find the true answer. Because if it is a cover up - eventually it's going to stop working and you will be left with the same problems because you've never dealt with them.
And if you do really care about this other guy, it's not fair to him.
I really do have feelings for this guy like i said i have known him forever and have always had a crush on him, and it seems like fate because he broke up with his girlfriend 8 months ago then all of a sudden my relationship ends i could be crazy though. I am having alot of emotions but i thought about this guy when i was with my ex also i thought how great it would be to be with im instead! But i know it would not be fair to him!! I just don't want to miss my opportunity!

 
Old 01-19-2006, 01:51 AM   #4
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Veronica_Mars HB User
Re: Okay guys one more thing (yikes!!!!)

I agree with LMH in principle but in this situation, I'd give slightly different advice. It sounds like your relationship with your ex was unhealthy and needs to be permanently ended...I would suggest that you tell him in no uncertain terms that you are through with him and the relationship and what you do from now on is none of his concern. You really shouldn't be worried about your ex's feelings at this point, as that relationship clearly wasn't working and is best left in the past. I think you should be completely honest with the new guy about your feelings but also let him know that your life is complicated right now that you have just ended things with your ex. That way you can proceed slowly and carefully with him when you're ready...often with unhealthy relationships, we are already over them before we officially leave, so you might be ready to get involved with the new guy before you'd normally expect to be ready. Anyway, I'd definitely suggest cutting ties to the ex and letting the friend know that you're interested but aren't necessarily able to jump into anything right away...that seems to be the healthiest solution as well as what it sounds like you want to do. Trust your instincts, go with your gut, and live your life for yourself, in pursuit of your own happiness, without being held back by guilt, unfounded loyalties, or fears and worries about losing an unhealthy relationship. Don't let the past get in the way of your future happiness!

 
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